So many of you left kind comments about yesterday's post about my miscarriage--thank you. I wasn't surprised to read that many of you have had similar experiences. A few of you also shared my frustration at the hurtful (though well-meaning) things people say to a woman who has miscarried. Emily commented--
I've wondered if there is anything that can be "safely" said in comfort. We're all different and I wonder if something that would be comforting to one person would be painful to another.
Good question, Emily. Since miscarriage is an all-too-common occurrence, I thought this might make an interesting discussion. Here are some of the comments I heard that stung:
- You can always have another baby.
- This is actually a blessing, because a miscarriage means that something was really wrong with the baby.
- Thank goodness you weren't attached to him/her yet.
- It's "just" a miscarriage--they're very common.
- At least you know you can get pregnant.
- How soon are you going to try again?
"So," you might ask, "what CAN I say?" Honestly, I was the most comforted by people who simply said, "I'm so sorry for your loss," or "I'm praying for you--is there anything else I can do?" and then left it at that. The simpler, the better. If you know someone who has recently suffered such a miscarriage, don't try to talk her out of grieving or minimize what she's experiencing. Just acknowledge that her loss is very real, and be willing to listen.
Does anyone else have any ideas on how we can minister to a friend hurting from such a loss?
Totally unrelated note to my friends out there using Blogger: I have been trying to comment on your blogs all morning...is something up with Blogger? I'm tellin' you, you're going to have to switch to Typepad. You'll love it!