Four

I had four babies in seven and a half years.  "How is it?" friends will sometimes ask.  "Is four a lot harder than three?"  Or, "is it completely chaotic in your house?"  Here's my answer.

We all remember the foggy, joyful terror of adjusting to life with the first child.  It was hard, certainly, but every ounce of life in your body focused on meeting the needs of that one little person.  You watched him breathe, you watched him sleep, you knew every twitch of his mouth and twinkle of his eye.  Life was good.

Then came number two.  Your attention is divided for the first time, and you face the panic of wondering what you'll do if they both need you at the same time.  But you realize, with thankfulness, that this is do-able: you have two arms, two parents, two lobes of your brain.  You learn the age-old dance of breastfeeding one baby in a frighteningly grungy convenience store bathroom while successfully helping your older child potty without touching a thing.  You watch the two little people you love most learn to love each other.  Life is exhausting, but good.

Enter baby number three.  You haven't just upset the proverbial apple cart, you have taken a sledgehammer to it.  Someone, at all times, is un-manned.  You've gone from a man-to-man to a zone defense (and that's my one sports analogy, girls, so enjoy it).  You attract looks of pity, and occasionally disdain, from elderly women at the grocery store.  But you suddenly are the spectator at a little mini-convention right in your own house.  You've gone from witnessing only one sibling relationship (1 and 2) to witnessing THREE--1 and 2; 2 and 3; 3 and 1 (go ahead and do the math, I'll wait...).  I'll tell you, life is pretty tricky, but it is oh-so-good.

Then along comes number four.  And you realize that with the last child, you breached the Chaos Threshold, a little-known hypothesis in the Book of Parental Physics that states "the incremental kinetic energy required to maintain domestic stasis is inversely proportional to the quantity of juvenile beings in the household. "  Roughly translated:  "So what's another one?"  The parents are already outnumbered and your house is already equipped with bunk beds and a deep freeze.  You're already in the car more often than you're in your bed.  Oh, the noise.  Oh, the laundry.  And OH, the fun.  There's always an Uno partner handy, always someone to grab a new box of wet wipes for the baby.  And somehow--though I wouldn't have believed it after that first baby--there's still enough love to go around.  Not always enough time, and certainly not enough detergent, but somehow the constant cameraderie seems to make up for it. 

So, chaos?  Yes, more than I ever dreamed I could handle. But joy?  More than I dreamed I would have.

Comments

[owlhaven]

Great post, Shannon! And ya know... 5 isn't that much harder than 4...!

Mary, mom to many

[KimC]

4 was our breaking point - the point where I realized I couldn't hold it all together on my own. 3 was tough, but doable; 4 in 4 years finally humbled me.
But Mary's right. Once you've been properly humbled, 5 isn't much different...or 6...or 7...

[Victoria]

I had a nice chuckle at your post! I had my four in 2 1/2 yrs. (umm no need to struggle with the math, my first two are twins!) With the twins I was out and about, then add #3 to the mix, I was out but not as often, add number 4, it was me calling my husband asking him to bring home stuff and saying, "yes honey I know I have a car, but there are FOUR of them!!"

[melissa stover]

that was great. it's pretty wild here with three but i'm loving every minute of it.

[Neighbor Jane]

Welcome back! I missed you and loved your post.

[ambah]

I agree- the transition from three to four has been my hardest. I'm just now starting to feel like I might possibly be able to get it all together sometime in the distant future. I really can't fathom five at this point. My youngest three were born in 2 1/2 years (and none of them are twins). So right now we've got four girls ages 7, 3, 2, and 1. It's a little crazy to put it mildly.

[Addie]

What a great post! I loved it. I only have three and a friend with 2 going on 3, asked me the other day if it was crazy. My response was oh, yeah it's crazy but good.

Now I can just refer them to this post! :-)

[Brenda]

My hat's off to all you mothers who have had more than two. Hubs and I have 4 children between us (2 each) but we rarely have all 4 of them at the same time. It does get chaotic when they're all together, that's for sure. They were 14, 12, 11, and 9 when we married which has made it a little easier for us (only slightly). Blending families is a whole nother ballgame.

Love your post, Shannon. The joys of motherhood are indescribable.

[Mary]

Sometime, I think about it and I can't believe that I have 6 children!

My husband always wanted 6 but I kept saying "no, I think 2...3...4...5..."

lol

[Mrs Blythe]

Lol. My laundry is out of control and I only have 2!

[peach]

Missed you. Glad you're back, and back with oh, such a fabulous post. Know the chaos will just be magnified, but praying daily for that fourth to come from across the world to join the joyful chaos of us.

[Shannon in Surprise, Arizona]

Loved the reading.......thanks!

[Amy from Ezekiel's Garden]

Thanks for sharing! I'm not so scared about the possibility of 4 now. My transition from 2 to 3 went really smoothly (much better than 1 to 2). I think my only concerns are laundry and food. It seems like that is all I ever get done, and I've still got to fit time to shower, homeschool, and read my Bible in there (praying is exempt, since I do that almost constantly anyway!).

Hope your time away was fruitful!

[Michelle- This One's for the Girls]

Shannon, if you're wanting our permission and blessing to have a fifth baby, go for it. You're right, after baby #4, the rest just fall in line. (Actually, I thought #3 was the most difficult transition.)

C'mon, everyone! Chanting with me-- NUMBER FIVE!! NUMBER FIVE!! NUMBER FIVE!! Bahahahaha.

[katherine]

It just gets better and better. Great post!

[Sheri]

LOL, I have four two, and I hear ya!

We had a giggle at our friend "downloading" at church yesterday, they pulled out and one by one littlun's hopped out until finally the mom turned with a baby carrier and their four day old...

I just wrote a post on parenting over at my place!

[Code Yellow Mom]

Love this post! I've heard my mom describe it this way - I'm the #1 child and she said three was the hardest, and after that everything else was gravy. (She has seven, spread over 22 years - that has its own set of chaos issues. Like grandchildren the same age as some of your own children.) My siblings are the best things my parents EVER gave to me. And it seems like love multiplies right along with the number of family members. Funny how that is. I'm taking a breather after two, but I think you are right - four is a good number!

[katherine]

It just gets better and better. Great post!

[Rebecca]

Oh, I'm glad to hear that the fourth child is easier than the third! When we had our third baby last year we were staggered by how hard it was - and it really made us reconsider having any more kids, even though we've really always wanted (at least) four.It's good to hear that things do get easier!

[chilihead]

I love how you put it all in perspective. I laughed out loud at your "Book of Parental Physics". If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: You are one great mom raising four great kids! (And Hubs ain't so bad either.)

[veronica]

My sister, who has five and still going, says much the same thing.

My OBGYN went from two to four. Her third pregnancy was twins. I have always sympathized.

[Mary]

My brother has 5. Someone says "So and so is coming over is that okay?" We alwasy look at each other and say sure...what is one more kid.

[Queen Beth]

You know what's funny? Having my third child did not phase us or change things much. I didn't really feel like it was more than I could handle. And when step-son moved in for a brief period of time, it still didn't feel like much of a difference..just a higher food bill!

[Melissa]

The hardest for me was going from 1 to 2. We are expecting # 7. After 3 or 4 you just multiply the fun. You are already cooking and doing laundry for a crowd so it doesn't really add exponentially to those chores like you think it would and by the time you get to 4 your first isn't so little anymore. -Melissa

[mom2fur]

Your kids are spaced just like mine--Michael, my oldest, was 7 1/2 when the baby was born. BTW, the 'baby' just turned 16--today! Michael and my second, Katherine, learned to be rather independent at an early age. If they wanted something and I was busy with a baby, it was either wait or get it yourself. I'm lucky in that the first two were easy. James, #3, was a handful. The first three were born in 82,84 and 86. Nicky didn't come along until 1990. I remember being exhausted all the time, but I was happy. I'd always wanted a big family. I'd have been happy with 6 or 8 but this is what I was given and I'm content. And in a few months, James will be 20...and I'll have 3 kids in their 20s! Aaaggh, I don't want to be old!