Rocks In My Dryer

Please Don't Let It Be the Flu...

Ugh.

I woke up this morning with a fever that has gotten progressively higher all day, and I feel like I've been hit by a truck.  I muddled through my morning responsibilities, but by tonight?  Deads-ville.  To make matters worse, Hubs has been out of town on business, stuck in Dallas because of the snow (Again! Snow! Trying to think happy thoughts! Not succeeding!)  As I write this, he's creeping slowly home, hopefully safely.  I've begged him pretty-please to stay home tomorrow so I can stay in bed and beat this pestilence that has me knocked out.

Whenever I feel horrible like this (which is mercifully seldom), I can't help but think of moms managing chronic health problems.  How do they do it?  Having the energy just to get off the couch is a tremendous blessing I normally take for granted.  It's something to think about. 

Anyway, while I retreat to my little corner and whimper, I'll be away from the computer for a bit.  Hopefully I'll be back and posting normally soon.   

See you then.

Works For Me: Organizing Bedroom Clutter

As I mentioned before, the last week has been The Week Of Bedroom Reorganization in the Dryer household.  Corrie's nursery was turned into a big-girl room (and it's adorable, truly; pictures to follow, at some point).  And my three boys decided they wanted to sleep in the same room.  Before, Adam (9) had his own room, while Stephen (8) and Joseph (5) shared.  But they have begged and pleaded and played the Mom-I-Want-To-Spend-More-Time-With-My-Brother card, which gets me every time.  It's not true, of course; they really just think if I reshuffle bedrooms they'll have a shot at new SpongeBob bedding.  But a mother can dream. 

So, all of this to say, we now have three boys sharing one room (the extra room is now the playroom).  I explained to them that we can only manage all this togetherness under very specific conditions.  I've always tried to keep a handle on all the "stuff" that my kids accumulate, with little success.  But I told them that the Days Of Packrat-ed-ness were over.  Beginning now.  So we implemented a rule that we previously only had in place for Stephen (Packrat King of the Family).  It's worked so well for him, I'm hopeful it will help everyone.

Each boy now has his own treasure box, about twice the size of a shoe box.  All of their treasures (rocks from the playground, a letter from their beloved uncle, unused Chuck E. Cheese tickets and anything else they CAN'T POSSIBLY throw away) belong in the box.  When the box gets so full that the lid won't close, it means it's time to go through and throw some things away.

I love this, because it teaches them to prioritize and to understand that some things (a postcard from Yosemite) are treasures, while other things (an empty wrapper from their favorite candy bar) are really not.  It helps keep loose pieces of clutter contained.  And the best part?  With their permission, I like to poke through their treasure box.  Seeing what they hold dear helps me know them a little better.

And no, the little dears didn't get their SpongeBob bedding.  They mercifully agreed to this instead.  Oh, the cuteness!  And the bargain-ness! 

Have an idea you'd like to share with all of Bloggityville?  Leave your tip below (guidelines for participation can be found here, including instructions on how to delete your link if you mess up.)

OH!  LAST THING!  Don't forget that next Wednesday, February 7, is the Love, Sweet Love edition of WFMW.  Details here. 

It Gets Easier

My first two babies were born 17 months apart.

One morning, when Adam was one and a half and Stephen was a newborn, I was leaving ladies' Bible study after having picked them up at the nursery.  In my left arm was Stephen and his 14-ton baby carrier, two diaper bags and a tote bag.  In my right arm were my car keys, three coats and the pudgy hand of little Adam.  Just as we exited the building, Adam exploded into a tantrum over something--I can't remember what--and I carried all 25 pounds of screaming boy, dangling from my right hand, his feet refusing to touch the ground.  A woman saw me struggling, and with sympathy in her eyes said, "It gets easier."

I went to my car and cried.

Fast forward a few years.  Adam had just turned four, Stephen was two and a half, and Joseph was a newborn.  It was the end of the day, just before Hubs was supposed to return home.  Things had fallen apart.  All three of them needed me at once, and all three of them were crying.  I sat on the couch, rocking the baby back and forth, a preschooler weeping on each shoulder, and I felt more overpoweringly inadequate than I'd ever felt in my life.  I can't do this, I thought, as I focused, quite simply, on breathing in and out.  In and out.

Surely, I thought, it must get easier.

This time, I was too spent even to cry.

Those moments, and hundreds more like them, are seared into my heart.  As much as I treasured parenting my little pack of preschoolers, the overpowering exhaustion and mental drain that comes from that season of life nearly did me in more than once.  I look back on those recent years, and I wish I could give the "me back then" a whisper of encouragement from the "me today".

It gets easier, I'd whisper to my bleary-eyed self.  They sleep and they reason and they take charge of their own bodily fluids.  They make you laugh and they feed the dog and they remember where you put the car keys.  They become functioning, delightful little people who can read the notes you leave them.  It gets easier.  It really does.

Since I can't go back in time to share it with "me back then", let me happily share it with you moms of little ones.  You know who you are.  I pop in on your blog sometimes and see that precious, frantic season of life you're in.  You're sitting there at the computer, right now, and you may have crusty spit up in your hair.  You may have assembled 364 miles of Thomas the Tank Engine track today.  You may have sung the Dora the Explorer theme song until your head is ready to explode.  You have little ones, really little ones, and they need you so very much.  And, oh my friend, I know you're tired.

So yes, I tell you, it really does get easier.  Sure, you inherit a different set of parenting challenges as they age, but at least everyone can cut his own meat.  You will get through this time.

And if that's not encouragement enough for you, let me share with you something a friend shared with me during a particularly trying episode of Young Mommy Fatigue.  She e-mailed me the following verse (Isaiah 40:11):

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.  [emphasis mine]

Never have I felt as loved as I felt the moment I first read those words.  The God of the universe, the Master Creator, stopped in the middle of telling The Greatest Story Ever Told for just a brief moment to whisper, "Moms, I know it's hard.  But I will lead you.  And I will lead you gently." 

As I read it, I laughed and cried altogether, speechless with thanks at a God who could express such specific tenderness to His creation.  I wasn't alone.

And neither are you, moms of those precious little ones.  You may be up to your ankles in pureed carrots, but many, many of us have gone before and lived to laugh about it, urged on by the gentlest Shepherd.  Take all our word for it.  It gets easier.  And it gets good. 

As If I Really Needed Another Reason To Shop At Overstock.com

I love Overstock.com--it's one of my favorite shopping websites.  The bargains!  The quality!  The ridiculously cheap shipping! (And no, they're not paying me to say all this, though if they're reading this and want to make an offer, I'm not too proud to sell out). 

Earlier today, I was checking on the status of an order I placed, when I received this "error" message (if you can't read it, click on the picture and it will enlarge):

So now they add hilarious honesty to the reasons I love them?  Really, I can't take it.

Parenting Books

A reader wrote to me with a really good question, and because it's not the first time I've been asked this, I thought I'd answer it publicly here.  I hope you'll feel free to chime in with your two cents at the end.  She writes

My husband and I are going to start our family in the next 12-18 months. I grew up babysitting and caring for other people's children so I have the basics of caring for children down--what I'm wanting now is to prepare for the most important part-- raising a good Christian child! Do you have any suggestions on some books that I could read to help me prepare in anyway?

I applaud you for readying yourself now for parenting.  I personally jumped into the whole adventure very blindly, fully expecting my first child to emerge from the womb with an instruction booklet tucked into its freshly-changed diaper.  I think there are several things you can do to be preparing yourself ahead of time.   

You asked about parenting books specifically, and I'll get to that in a minute.  But in my opinion (and experience), the very best parenting tool is a strong marriage.  Use those pre-kid years to build a very firm foundation of clear communication, friendship and common ground.  Even the finest marriage can be strained by the exhaustion that comes with parenthood; if you can start the parenting journey with a deep, weathered, eyes-wide-open committment to your mate, you've won half the battle.

Secondly, surround yourself with a strong support network of people you trust and respect.  You'll need it!  A loving, committed church family has always been an extremely important tool in our parenting bag o' tricks.  I can't stress this strongly enough.  The best parenting advice I've received over the years has not been from books, or pediatrician, or any other "expert"--it's been from other parents laboring away in the trenches.    

While it is admirable and wise to prepare yourself for parenting ahead of time, just be prepared to adapt, adapt, adapt.  Be careful about making statements about what you (or your child-to-be) WILL or WON'T do.  Trust me, that one will jump up to bite you in the bahookus so fast your head will spin.  And while you're working on your adaptability skills, polish up your sense of humor while you're at it.  It will serve you well. 

As for parenting books, there are a few that have stood out to me over the years.  Though, in my own experience, you must have enough common sense as a parent to be able to adapt and adjust what you read to what your child needs.  Parenting is MOST DEFINITELY not a one-size-fits-all proposition.  Frankly, I'm not sure I've ever read a parenting book in which I agreed with every word written in it.  But we've pulled out the best and ignored what didn't work for us from some of the following:

Shepherding a Child's Heart

The concept behind this book is beautifully simple:  a child's behavior follows his heart.  Concern yourself less with what you see on the outside of a child and much more by what's going on in his head and heart.

Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours

This book is one of the more practical parenting books I've ever seen--it's chock full of specifics.  It's not entirely applicable to parents of young preschoolers, but for school-age kids and up, it's a must-read.

James Dobson

Dobson peppers his parenting advice with a good bit of grace, an essential ingredient.  I've always appreciated that about him, even if I haven't agreed with everything he's ever written.  The Strong-Willed Child is a classic.  Bringing Up Boys has some very valuable advice, though (as the mom of three boys) I thought it over-generalized the boy-raising experience (they're not all sports-loving little risk-takers, as the book often seemed to imply).

Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems

This book has absolutely nothing to do with general, spiritual parenting advice, but I have to include it in any list of parenting resources.  WE HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO LIVE WITHOUT THIS BOOK--it has saved my sanity more times than I can count.  It deals with baby/children sleep issues from ages 4-5 months all the way through older childhood.  All four of my kids are healthy sleepers, and I'm convinced it's due entirely to the tools we've implemented from this book. 

My advice to a new parent investigating Christian parenting books would be to hold up what you read against the truth of Scripture.  You will likely encounter parenting "systems" that tell you there is only one way to parent a child.  While Scripture provides certain non-negotiables regarding parenting (teaching our kids God's word, instilling respect, etc.), God thankfully seems to leave much of it up to our own creativity and good common sense.  If a parenting system tells you otherwise, that's a serious red flag, in my book.

*stepping down off my soap box*

Those are my thoughts on the matter; I'd be interested to hear if any of you have found parenting books you cannot live without.  And here's where I have to put my little disclaimer saying that I cannot "screen" every book that might appear in my comments section, so please don't assume that because it appears there, I'm endorsing it.  Always, always use discernment, y'all. 

   

The Epic Tale of the Flesh-Eating Ladybugs and Their Untimely Demise

It's fruit-basket-turnover in our house this week as we turn Corrie's nursery into a "big girl room", and the boys (not wanting to miss out on the action) have decided this is the week to rearrange their rooms as well.  And I, being in a winter rut and therefore eager for any excuse to rearrange furniture, have agreed.  So our upstairs is a disaster:  mattresses in the halls, toys pushed up against the walls, hang-up clothes stacked on beds...lovely.  If I can find my way back to the computer on Monday, I'll resume normal posting then.  Until then...another day, another post from the archives. 

The following was originally posted on February 27, 2006.

My four-year-old son Joseph received a lady bug farm for Christmas this year.  The day after Christmas we mailed in his certificate for the ladybugs that would fill it up, and he eagerly checked the mailbox every day.  A couple of weeks later, a bulky package arrived bearing a huge stamp on the front:  "Live Larvae Enclosed:  OPEN IMMEDIATELY."  (It's not everyday you find larvae in your mailbox--good times, I'm tellin' you.)

We carefully followed the enclosed instructions to the letter.  The ladybugs were teeny little larvae; the booklet told us we could expect them to become pupa in a couple of weeks, then full-fledged lady bugs a few days after that.  My son, whose heart is extra-tender toward any living thing, checked his larvae many times a day for progress, sleeping with the farm under his bed for protection.  And I breathed many little prayers:  Please let them live, please let them live...

And they lived.  Just as the instruction booklet promised, they shortly turned into pupa, then dramatically, in a few hours, little lady bugs.  Joseph was beyond overjoyed.  But here is something you probably didn't know about adorable little ladybugs:  they're cannibals.  Only about half the larvae made it to full-grown ladybugs, so the grown ones crawled around and ate the dead bodies of their peers who weren't so lucky.  And thankfully, my sensitive boy just said, "Look, they're playing!" as the carcass feast ensued.

And here's another, um, interesting little factoid about ladybugs:  they poop in enormous quanitity.  I mean, they're tiny little poops, but they are everywhere.  You don't notice this when they're outside crawling around your flower pots, but when they're in an enclosed little farm on your kitchen table where you feed your family--trust me, you notice.

So, the other day, Joseph was carrying his ladybug farm across our entryway.  But he had opened the top, for some reason. He slipped on a rug and fell, and the lady bug farm flew across the room, landing upside down on the floor.  Thousands of little ladybug poops, and dozens of half-eaten carcasses, scattered all over the floor.  The wood floor.  The brown, hard-to-make-out-where-the-bugs-and-poops-and-corpses-are floor.  The floor my baby daughter crawls around on all day.  You see where this is going.

Big brother Stephen came to the rescue and searched out as many live ladybugs as we could find, which wasn't many.  But Wicked Mommy had to get out the vacuum cleaner and suck up the poops and the carcasses (remember, he had no idea they were dead because I didn't have the heart to tell him), and yes, a few live ladybugs, while my sensitive boy wailed in the background, "Mommy, NOOOOOOOO!"  Now there is a moment for the therapy couch someday. 

The moral of this story?  Perhaps there is a profound one, but I'm at a loss.  I'm coping with the fact that there is likely still much ladybug poop in my entry way, tucked into nooks and crannies.  And a traumatized four-year-old boy living under my roof.  This motherhood business isn't always pretty, is it? 

I Shouldn't Be Laughing At This, BUT...

For any of you parents who have endured the repeated screaming of a four-year-old child and thought that oh-my-word your head would explode or the windows would shatter or some other such calamity, let me point you to this article. 

The next time the screaming commences around this house, I will tell the kids to hush, we don't want to kill the chickens.  Not that we HAVE chickens, but if we did, we wouldn't want to kill them.

A Big Day

A picture is worth a thousand words.  This one is worth a few dozen tears, as well, to this Momma:

Upcoming WFMW Themes

Thanks for such a good response suggesting WFMW themes!  Here's a few to get us started:

February 7: In honor of Valentine's Day, it's WFMW: Love, Sweet Love Edition.  Share with us the best relationship advice you can give.  Or, share with us some ideas for making Valentine's Day special for your sweetie or your kids.  If you're going to link back here, let's keep it PG-rated, folks. 

March 7:  Let's have WFMW: The Kitchen Edition!  Have a clever way you organize your recipes?  Plan your meals?  Stock your pantry?  Tell us!

April 4:  With summer vacations just around the corner, it's The Car Edition.  Give us your best tips for handling life on the go.  How to entertain the kids, or keep up with your little league gear, or how to stock an auto first aid kid...let us know what works for you.

All the other weeks will be business-as-usual; just share a tip with any topic of your choice.

Works For Me: DVD Case

I think there's a good chance that every mom in America is already doing what I'm about to tell you, and you're all going to look at me and wonder, "Does she really think that's innovative?," and in fact no, I do not, but I'm tired and temporarily running out of WFMW tips so I'll go ahead and tell you anyway.

We keep all the kids' DVDs in a regular CD case.  This keeps them from scattering the plastic DVD jackets all over the living room when they're looking for a particular disc.  It's also quite handy when we're leaving on a long car trip.  We can grab the whole DVD collection and dash.

So, here's hoping that your tip is considerably more creative than mine--link away, below!  Guidelines for WFMW can be found here.

(Oh, and by the way, last week the overwhelming majority of you thought that we should have a mix of "themed" WFMWs mixed in with the "free-for-all" version.  So here's the plan: from now on the FIRST WEDNESDAY OF THE MONTH will be a themed variety.  I'll give you plenty of notice what the theme is, don't worry.  Speaking of which, if you have any brilliant theme ideas, e-mail me at the address on my sidebar.  Remember, we need to keep the theme fairly broad and appealing to a large group of people.  For example, something relating only to parents of preschoolers, or vegetarians, or lactose-intolerant astronauts, or claustrophobic Swedes might be a tad too specific.)