My stolen purse had a stack of my business cards in it; I suppose it's therefore possible the thief might log on to my blog. If so, here we go:
Dear Brazen Purse Thief:
There is a security camera picture of you using my credit card at a nearby convenience store. We are working with the police to identify it, and it's just a matter of time. If you will return my purse and its contents in tact (you can toss it into my front yard), I will not press charges.
If you do NOT, you will be found. Let me remind you that you have invaded the garage where my children play regularly, and perhaps you have not encountered the wrath of a momma who has had her children's turf invaded? It isn't pretty, and I WILL come after you to the full extent of the law. You came into my home (the garage counts as part of it) while I was inside--these are very serious charges.
Your choice--think smart.