Rocks In My Dryer

It's Worth a Shot

My stolen purse had a stack of my business cards in it; I suppose it's therefore possible the thief might log on to my blog.  If so, here we go:

Dear Brazen Purse Thief:

There is a security camera picture of you using my credit card at a nearby convenience store.  We are working with the police to identify it, and it's just a matter of time. If you will return my purse and its contents in tact (you can toss it into my front yard), I will not press charges.

If you do NOT, you will be found.  Let me remind you that you have invaded the garage where my children play regularly, and perhaps you have not encountered the wrath of a momma who has had her children's turf invaded?  It isn't pretty, and I WILL come after you to the full extent of the law.  You came into my home (the garage counts as part of it) while I was inside--these are very serious charges.

Your choice--think smart.

Bad Day

Last night, my purse was stolen out of my car WHILE MY CAR SAT IN MY GARAGE and I cooked dinner in the kitchen about 20 feet away.  They got it all--my wallet, my credit cards, my check book, my driver's license and my iPod.

I'm steamed.

I feel mad and frustrated and violated and furious at myself for leaving my garage door up and my car unlocked.  I'm even madder because they didn't take my cell phone or keys (which were both right next to my purse), so I'm put in the very weird position of being, um, thankful to the thieves for their generosity?

They've already used my credit cards, but the charges have all been at nearby fast food places and convenience stores, which means it's likely a bunch of teenagers having a very fun evening.  And scrolling through my iPod laughing at the middle-aged chick with a Barry Manilow playlist.  AT LEAST I have the satisfaction of knowing they're not getting any music they'll like. 

And I KNOW there are a billion greater travesties going on in the world right at this very minute, and I'm trying to keep perspective (aided largely by my ten-year-old son who almost immediately suggested we pray for the thieves, and LET ME TELL YOU that stings).  My family and I are healthy and safe and happy and whole.  But still. 

It was just a rotten day.

And that's all have I to say about that.  Cheery mommy-blogging to resume next week.

Phrase-ology

THAT was a fun post earlier today.  Y'all have had me thinking about it all afternoon.  At first, I was very surprised that so many of you had not heard of "take what you get and don't throw a fit," until Melanie graciously reminded me that "get" and "fit" don't rhyme in all parts of the country. 

Sorry, I forget.  (Make that forgit.) 

I bet you northerners also use a writing pen ("pehn") too, don't you?  It's pronounced PIN, folks.  Or, more accurately, a PEE-uhn.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand.  Reading your responses and hearing that many of you find yourself sounding like your own parents makes me wonder: how many of you use the phrase "Because I said so!" with your kids?

Admit it.  You swore you'd never say it.  I swore I'd never say it.  I want to know, in all honesty, if anyone has been able to keep that oath.  Vote below.

Why?

Because I said so.

If y'all aren't checking Bloggy Giveaways everyday, then you're missing some seriously FUN stuff.  I'm just sayin'...

The Beauty of a Catch-Phrase

Since we all know that repeating ourselves (and repeating ourselves...and repeating ourselves...) is the name of the game in parenting, we might as well as make it snazzy.  Hubs and I seem to have developed a treasure trove catch-phrases that we use over and over.  If you were to pop in to the Dryer house, this is what you'd likely hear....

"Take what you get and don't throw a fit."

Every single mom I've ever met uses this one.  I think that when you're distracted by the throes of labor, the hospital must inject this little ditty directly into your brain. 

"I am my brother's keeper." 

My Hubs initiated this one with our boys--it's taken (very loosely) from Scripture.  He has given them numerous rousing speeches about the virtues of brotherhood--really, you can almost hear the violins playing the background.  In moments of brotherly bickering Hubs has been known to call out, "I am?...." and the boys chant back (sometimes through gritted teeth) "..my brother's keeper."

We're going to conveniently ignore that the Scripture being referenced is, in fact, the story of one brother murdering another.  Though there are days when that seems all too relevant.

"Different is good."

We've used this one with Adam since he was very little.  He's not always the best at adapting to change, and we've had to coax him off a few figurative ledges by having him repeat with us, "Different is good." 

I'm predicting this one will come back to bite us someday when Stephen (who most certainly does not have trouble deviating from the norm) comes home with purple hair and an nose-ring.  "Yo, dawg...different is good!"

"See a need, fill a need." 

We lifted this one straight from the movie Robots.  Loosely translated, it's a nice way to say, "get your duff off the couch and feed the dog without being asked.  Please."

"If you're gonna play rough, you've gotta be tough."

A friend taught us this one, and we happily pull it out when there is tackle football going on in the living room.  It's basically a new-and-improved version of "it's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt," or "Don't come cryin' to me!"

"Blood, barf, bones or bad guys?" 

This is my favorite one.  Sometimes, a momma needs the older kids to prioritize their needs before interrupting.  "Don't come in here unless it's an emergency" wasn't working for my brood, because they think a misplaced Nerf ball is reason enough to call in the Special Forces. 

So, I got a little more specific.  When I need a few minutes of alone-time to accomplish something, the kids know to interrupt me ONLY if they see blood, vomit, a bone sticking out somewhere or a villain scaling the side of our house. 

And really, it just warms this momma's heart to picture them sitting around living room after my funeral someday, reminiscing about their sweet mother, and they will chant, "blood, barf, bones or bad guys," and OH, how their hearts will be warmed.

I'm turning this over to you all now.  I KNOW you're bound to have some good catch-phrases you use repeatedly with your kids--let's hear them.

Because "Rolling Stones" Was Already Taken

My first grader told me today that during recess he and his buddies have formed a band.  Their name for it?

The Booger Nuggets.

And really, I don't think I need more of a punchline than that.

Works For Me: Just Add Water

When Adam was three, he was prone to very loud, very long, very intense temper tantrums.  It was a constant battle.  One summer day, when he was throwing a royal fit in the living room, I'd simply had enough.  I picked the boy up, hauled him into the backyard, turned on the hose, and...yep...I sprayed him down.

Needless to say, the tantrum stopped.  And remarkably, that was a turning point in his ability to keep his temper under control.

I tell you this story a) in case you thought I was always a kind and patient mother, b) because I'm thinking that the statute of limitations is up and you can't report me, and c) because it illustrates a helpful mothering tool I've learned over the years:  water fixes everything.

Okay, maybe not everything, but it fixes a lot.  Especially when your children are very young.  Tempers around our house seem to flare a little more easily when the weather is warm, and here are some water-related tension breakers that really work for me:

• playing in the hose and/or sprinkler
• gargling contests
• spitting contests (we're terribly refined around here, as you can tell)
• mudpies
• "painting" the fence with water
• washing the car
• sending the older kids upstairs for a cool shower
• bubble baths (this is how I read my Newsweek each week--with Corrie happily playing in the bubbles while I sit in the floor next to her.  It goes without saying, of course, that you should never leave a young child unattended in the bathtub.)
• "play cooking" with the hose and all my cookware in the backyard

Works for me! 

If you have a tip you'd like to share with Bloggityville, just leave your link below.  WFMW guidelines can be found here. 

PLEASE NOTE:  You must link directly to your giveaway post in my Mr. Linky.  Here's how you do it.   I will delete any links to a blog's front page.  Not because I'm a meanie (first paragraph of this post notwithstanding), but because it's a courtesy to other readers.  Many people read WFMW much later in the week; if you've linked to the front page of your blog, it's difficult for them to find your WFMW post. 

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And by the way, don't forget to check out the fun at Bloggy Giveaways this week!

1. Mandy Houk (marital bliss!) 2. WorksForMom (Teething Remedy / Snack Feeder) 3. Jill@thediaperdiaries 4. Laura in KY (shopping with children) 5. ellen b ~ simple rewards 6. Nikki (reusable nursing pads) 7. Jordan @ MamaBlogga (brand your blog) 8. PTT (schoolyear\'s resolutions) 9. My Twenty Cents Keeps Moving (bedtime) 10. The Natural Mommy (Never clean the sink again!) 11. Capturing Today (Cast Iron Care) 12. diatribal (frugal handsoap) 13. Mommy-fied (Cleaning Pee Mess) 14. Duckabush Blog (BlogTopSites) 15. Abel ( A simple secret to getting a kiss from your child) 16. Karen (Quick Technorati Tags) 17. A Juggling Mum (Drying Laundry) 18. Stacy@Random Thoughts (Saving Dinner) 19. Christa @ No End in Site (closet organization for kids) 20. Liza\'s Eyeview (Fight Fair in Marriage) 21. Beth F. (Smoother Legs) 22. OW (lowering cholesterol tips) 23. The Building Brows (Quick, natural weight loss w/simple diet & easy exercise) 24. Homemaking Through the Church Year (DIY rag rugs) 25. At A Hen\'s Pace (getting kids to straighten house) 26. Mommy Babble (Better than PB&J) 27. Lori - Queen of Dirty Laundry (Frugal Shopping) 28. Michelle at Scribbit (kid craft) 29. Life with Littles (What\'s Working) 30. Corrie (easy, fun family activities) 31. Pmom @ Chocolate and Garlic (stickers and kids) 32. MrsB *corrected direct link* 33. Owlhaven (quick tomato canning) 34. Ewokgirl (Drying Rack Multiple Uses) 35. Sasha (kids and paper clutter) 36. CherieB (binky trade) 37. Lizzie\'s Home (The Good & Bad Game) 38. Organising Queen (getting things done) 39. 3foldcord (Time Saver!) 40. Robin (baking salmon) 41. carrie (teething relief) 42. Michelle (garment bag instead of suitcase) 43. Ang (cheap kids undies) 44. ABC (Fresh Baked Goods made easy!) 45. Susan(BabysDrySkin) 46. Gift of Green (Cancel Paper - Lose Weight) 47. Jenuine Jen (holiday grand plan) 48. mummifiedx5 (baby\'s bottles) 49. SingForHim @ RealLife (Nightly Routine) 50. Shalee - GLAD Steaming Bags 51. Stop the Ride (entertainment savings) 52. Stretch Mark Mama (Sneaky Spinach) 53. Jamie (Floppy Sleep Game) 54. Sarah @ To Motherhood And Beyond ( Freezing Bread Dough) 55. Charity (kitchen shears)

56. Jes (paid to blog) 57. Aimee(appropriate kids music) 58. T with Honey (sock containment) 59. Simple Homemaker 60. Simple Homemaker (fruit flies/gnats) 61. Cara (shopping/menu) 62. Jenny from Mommin\' It Up (my daughter\'s hair bows) 63. Sarah (KId Car Kits) 64. Stephanie (Simplified Menu Planning) 65. Cindy (Four Ingredient Recipes) 66. Elena (George Foreman Grill) 67. Christine (Library Trip Tips) 68. Texastanya (better sleep) 69. Everyday Mommy (FeedReader Tip) 70. Amblin (Moving tips) 71. jen (picky eaters) 72. Nap Warden (love to make,love to eat!) 73. Beth@sportsmomma (smelly washer cure) 74. TracyMichele(lipgloss) 75. Savvy Mom (menu tip) 76. DHM (tips on packing hubby\'s lunch) 77. Shauna (bookmarks and book plates) 78. Miss Huckleberry- Budget Organization 79. Amy (chill out!) 80. Barb (kids brushing teeth) 81. Mari (organizing internet recipes) 82. Lisa Kay (dividing toys among children) 83. Trixie @ FarmHomeLife (PB) 84. Princess Leia (Teething help) 85. Many Little Blessings (Maintain/Making New Friends for Adults) 86. Mommy of Three (Coupon Control) 87. Autumn Daisy Studio (Tricking Your Kids Into Affection) 88. Alicia (stocking the minivan) 89. Brandi (recipe saver) 90. Mama-rama (herbal insect repellent 91. Paige (cleaning up glass shards) 92. Laane (macaroni necklace and box) 93. Milehimama (Binder Clips) 94. Rean Day (Shower Clutter) 95. Amy (family-sized calendar) 96. April (quick breakfast) 97. Kara (cleaning tips) 98. Simple_Chic (Cake decorating) 99. SAHMmy Says (This Is Halloween!) 100. The BRC (Oatmeal Baths) 101. Alli-keeping baby clothes organized 102. OW (tipe for dining out healthy) 103. Demeter (preventing pee puddles) 104. Lana G! (ERASER REVIVAL) 105. 100 Acre Wood (enjoy it while you can) 106. Joy (Schedule a Date with Your Child) 107. Karen (beach baby tips) 108. Wendy (Painless Grocery Shopping) 109. Alexandra(inexpensive phone card refills(cell and landline) 110. Sandi (cleaning microwave)

111. Tracy (teach swallowing pills) 112. Cyndi (homeschool storage) 113. MommaofMany (Crayons in the Dryer) 114. Tonsofsons ~ Blessing Basket 115. GP in Montana 116. Barbara H. @ Stray Thoughts (beware of over-sympathizing) 117. Lorie(saving money on groceries) 118. MemeGRL (summer skating) 119. whimsy (Hipster PDA) 120. Amy Jane (learning early rising) 121. Naturemama (Picky Eaters) 122. Rachel (Doubling Meals) 123. Simply Live (Building a Water Storage) 124. Kara (Toy Storage) 125. Mama26Blessings(Penny) 126. Holly (repelling yellow jackets) 127. Kelli (Make your own frappuccino) 128. halfmoon girl 129. KimC (no restaurant spills) 130. Juggling Frogs (Stairwell Pantry) 131. Karen (toy patrol) 132. Kathy (easy entertaining) 133. Kathy (great duster) 134. Dawn (Daily Essentials Basket) 135. Janelle (Van Organization) 136. Nikki @ Recovering the Design (Fridge Organization) 137. Jendi (toddler bed sheet) 138. Toni (Too Many Keys) 139. KimC (no restaurant spills) 140. Sherri@NoiseOverload(Birthday Decorations) 141. Suzanne (sleeping in spite of dogs) 142. Callista (no-fuss bathtime) 143. Merci (dryer lint) 144. Rhen (cloth diapers) 145. Kim - Cradle Cap 146. madridmom (say YES) 147. mamabright (computer background) 148. Lindsey 149. Crystal @ Biblical Womanhood (Home Management) 150. Frugal Homemaker Plus (never lose your keys again) 151. Adena (saving wet electronics) 152. So Many Joys (Cheap Montessori Shelving) 153. Proverbs31 (Kid\'s Vacuum) 154. Elizabeth (leftover meat) 155. Briggie (natural sleep aide) 156. Jill (rice for kids) 157. Amy (school visits) 158. Lizzie (juice savings) 159. Olive- first time! 160. Ann Kroeker (crocs for camping) 161. Melinda (glowing stickers) 162. Six in the Mix (taming toy clutter) 163. Stephanie (kids chores)

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Check Out This New Blog

My bloggy friend KimC has started a new blog called Frugal Hacks.  I really like the word "frugal", because it's such a nice alternative to "cheap", "stingy" or "tighter than the bark on a tree", all of which describe me more accurately. 

Anyway, check out her new site, because this chickadee knows what she's talking about.  She's raising eight children all while maintaining a lovely sense of humor--clearly, something is working for her!  Don't miss the giveaway (there's that word again!) she's hosting for The Tightwad Gazette.

*UPDATED* Finished!

I had to post a picture of my finished red-work kitchen towels--they're finally done.  The vast majority of this stitching was done in the car on the way to and from Colorado in July, an effective means of distracting myself from the fact that my husband was driving SO FAST across the plains of Oklahoma that he actually ran over two birds AT THE SAME TIME, but that shall be a post for another day.

Anyway, what was I talking about?  Oh yes, the towels--

Here's a close-up of the embroidery of each towel.  I plan to do a binding (probably red and white toile) around each one, but it may take me a while to get to it.  Plus, I'm shuddering at the thought of actually using these in my kitchen, home of muddy hands and melted Velveeta.   These babies may be getting framed.

That last one was the hardest--the little strawberry leaves on the Sunday towel were quite tedious.  If anyone is looking for an easy and satisfying handwork hobby, I highly recommend giving simple embroidery a shot. 

*UPDATED TO ADD*
To answer a question a couple of you e-mailed, Heavens no, I didn’t do them in freehand!   I transferred them onto the towels using an iron-on set I got at Wal Mart.  The towel set cost, I believe, $5; the iron-on pattern was around $2.  Embroidery thread is so cheap you could pay for it by searching your couch cushions.  My kind of hobby. 

Oh, the Sleeves! The Sleeves!

My parents recently moved to our city, and in the process they cleaned out their attic.  They determined that since I am now a grown-up, it was time I kept up with my own high school keepsakes.  Like, whatEVer.

It's been a hoot going through it all--if you're all very nice and well-behaved, I might even print some excerpts from my senior-year diary.  Because OH MY WORD I don't know who that girl was, but she wasn't from this planet. 

The best keepsakes have been my big stash of formals and majorette uniforms.  I swear, they all still smell faintly of Final Net.  I'm not sure why I insisted my mom keep them.  I think I honestly expected that my future life would be so sophisticated that I would be in dire need of a great stash of formalwear.

First up is my prom formal from 11th grade.  Can we all just pause for a moment of silence at the memory of my waist actually being this size?  If I pulled this on today, it wouldn't get up past my knees:

Next was my 9th-grade majorette uniform.  That flesh-colored elastic strap was on my uniform only, not the other girls', thanks to my, um, lack of "endowment".  I wept many tears over that elastic strap:

Next was a dress I wore in the Miss Mayberry High School pageant, in which I was a runner-up not once, not twice, but a whopping three times.  Could you just die over the square rhinestone belt buckle?

This was my senior prom dress.  Now, let me just tell you that this dress was the creme de la creme of my high school experience.  My mom and I shopped and shopped for this most perfect garment in which to end my high school career.  From the looks of all the chiffon ruffles, clearly I went out with a bang:

Here, you have to see the back.  I clearly remember thinking that it was so beautiful, I might wear it again for my wedding.  Can you imagine?

But wait, there's more!

This was my majorette uniform in 12th grade.  Now that I look at it, don't those gold things kind of look like hands?  Kind of creepy:

Last is the set of pompons the majorettes used my junior year.  Yes, majorettes with pompons.  There was a horrible uproar between the Mayberry High School majorettes and cheerleaders over this issue--horrible, let me tell you.  Oh, there were dirty looks and snide comments and nasty notes.   The very foundations of the earth trembled.   

Really, wasn't high school such a fine preparation for the serious issues we would face later in life?

Thus concludes my little fashion jaunt down memory lane.  Thanks for coming along.  I have to go now, because I'm feeling the strangest urge to go tease my bangs.