Grace 101

Thursday night Adam had a choir performance.  I had carefully laid out his (brand new) embroidered choir shirt and his (brand new) khaki pants in our laundry room.  Ten minutes before it was time to leave, my three-year-old daughter (ever growing taller and surprising me with what she's able to reach), somehow grabbed the bleach pen from atop the dryer. 

I'll let you imagine what she did to the choir uniform.

This is where I would like to tell you that I handled this with complete grace.  That my first thoughts were for the fragile feelings of my ten-year-old boy, or that I laughed at the humor of it, or that I breathed a sigh of relief that she didn't destroy more than just a shirt and pants.

I would like to tell you that, but I cannot.  I handled it terribly.  There was yelling and sighing and eye-rolling and overly-harsh elbow grabbing.  All from me. 

Generally speaking, when a "crisis" like this is past--when the mess is cleaned and the kids are quiet and the emotions are soothed--I usually can keep a healthy perspective.  But never, it seems, in the heat of the moment, am I able to respond the way I'd like, the way I hoped I might after walking this mothering road for ten years. 

It's episodes like this one that most frequently drive me to my knees after the fact, asking, "Really, God?  Was it really a good idea to make a hot-head like me the mother of four children?  Will I ever respond with even a fraction of the grace you have shown me?"

He responds, of course, by pouring out more grace, reminding me that despite the messes I make, He'll faithfully finish what He's started.  He grabs me by the boot straps and pulls me back up off my knees, a little more humble and ready to make things right with the four little people He's given me. 

There's another "crisis" just around the corner, of that I'm certain.  Something will get ruined, or someone will be bleeding, or something terribly important will be forgotten.  Maybe I'm a little wiser-- maybe next time I'll be the mom I want to be.  Or maybe I won't, and I'll wind up right back on on my knees.  Come to think of it, it's not a bad place for me to be.

Onward and upward, friends.

Comments

[The Dad Diaries]

My wife told me how her Father would sometimes lose his temper and unload his stress on to her when she did something wrong. That is not good however what he did do right was to go up to her later and apologise and explain that he had no right to yell like that and it was not something he was proud of. I think as long as you can learn from these things that is all you can do.

[Elizabeth]

I relate. I am working on learning new patterns, instead of just trying to stop - which seems impossible.

I am ever grateful for being able to speak with my kids about my faults, to apologize - and to tell them I love them and WANT to be a better example. Something my parents NEVER did. It is their dad (my husband) that I blow up at more than at the kids - but still, in front of them... :-(

God does love us - in all our weaknesses!

[Deb - Mom of 3 Girls]

Oh yes, parenthood will test us to our utmost limits and beyond! And our little ones will always surprise us with what they can reach that we thought was beyond them... :)

[Jenni]

Oh, many (((HUGS))) to you...BTDT too many times, and spoken those exact same words to God as well.

[Emily]

Shannon, thank you for posting this. I read your blog because A) you're funny and B) you seem like a pretty great mom and I get lots of good thoughts from you. But it is nice to hear that even the good moms can have rough times and need God's grace! Right now my toddler is in a defiance "stage" (I devoutly hope it is only a stage!) and I have yelled at him or been a bit too rough "helping" him into his room for a time out, too many times. But I'm working on it. Thanks for the encouragement and the reminder of the One who can help us.

[Amber]

Wonderful post. I think even the 'best' parents all know how it feels to experience that remorse after losing it. I love that God is always willing to give us new chances to use what he's taught us.

thanks for the encouraging reminder

[julie@lovelaugter&laundry]

Oh geez, I totally could have written that post. Been on my knees many times saying those exact same words.

[kelli]

Amen and amen.

I'm the hothead in the family. And now I have a teenage girl pushing every. single. button she knows I have.

At times I feel the only thing I can do is pray for her becasue opening my mouth will jsut make things worse.

[faithful chick]

Gods works with this authenticity. Your honesty will open the door for Him to do His best work in you.

Blessings,
faithful chick

[Mommy-fied]

Ditto. Hothead - that I am too. Praise God, He's going to finish what He's started. Thanks for the reminder.

[Stretch Mark Mama]

We were such Good Mothers before we had kids...and so proud of our Patience and Peacefulness and Kindness and Gentleness...

But, for the grace of God, is there ANY good thing that comes out of me.

[MamaLee]

What a wonderful post. I can relate! I am not proud of my behavior some days as well.

Just remember that we are never given more than we can handle. So we can handle this. Sometimes we just forget to breathe through those stressful times. I hope that both you and I remember to breathe the next time stress comes.

XOXO

[Madridmom]

I can soooooo relate to what you wrote. Praise the Lord for his grace!

My curiosity is killing me though ..... what did your son wear to his concert?

[chocolatechic]

I don't know of any mother on the planet that HASN'T lost it from time to time.

My mouth is constantly in motion before my brain screams "noooooooooooo". I am always apologizing for something I have said, or the tone of my voice.

I just wanna know when I will learn.

[Tammy]

Oh my!I would have cried.

[Antique Mommy]

Been there. Many times. Oh that I could not give in to the extremely satisfying but short lived rush of the elbow grab and heavy sighs and other expressions of contempt... The good news is that I'm quick to say I'm sorry and I was wrong and Sean is quick to say, "I know. That's okay Mom, I forgive you."

[Heather]

You're speaking right to me this morning. Ah, grace. I needed to read this after a very rough night last night and being on my knees this morning. Thanks, Shannon.

[Tami]

Oh, how many times I've said and felt he same way!!!! I admit it has gotten better over the years, but as the saying goes..."He's still workin' on me!!"

[Edi]

Oh my! I can well imagine how I would have reacted - and I'm ashamed to say, it would not have been good.

I know exactly what you mean about how during the crisis it all seems like such a BIG DEAL (and since it's a crisis it usually is to some extent) - but that afterwards in a time of reflection - you realize how you could have handled it differently. If only they could warn us they were about to embark upon a crisis and then we could be prepared with our perfect response.

I had one of these situations (and it wasn't even close to your crisis) where I overreacted and then had a long time to ponder it and wished that I could have taken back those 5 minutes. We all need grace. Doesn't matter if we're a mother for 10 days, 10 hours or 10 years - grace is needed.

[Fiddledeedee (It Coulda Been Worse)]

I feel your pain. I have a cuss jar that is just brimming with money. And yes, even thoughts count.

[Laundry & Children]

I am totally living this post. It just gets so hard especially when I feel like I am dealing with the same crisis over and over. I find myself so often saying, "What was the thought process that lead you to think this would be a good idea?" I could definately use some grace when it comes to crisis management.

[maria]

This was what I needed after fight #4548967 with my oldest son, through his almost 18 years of life. I wonder why I didn't handle it better...AGAIN. Then I wonder why he has to be so difficult, then I thank God the other 2 boys are no where near as trying. Then I cry. So thanks for showing me I am not alone in my inability to be graceful.

[AmyR.]

Well it may not be comforting to you, but to me this is very comforting, knowing that other Christian moms, really desiring to raise their children in the love of the Lord, mess up just as much as I do. Speaks of a loving and forgiving creator, and you're right, he will complete the work on us!!

[Alesha]

OH, me too, sister - ditto everything you said

And AMEN! to His mercy and grace!

Alesha

[pam]

Great post, Shannon.

I smiled the other day as I thought of you while I herded my children out of a store with the words "onward and upward" dripping from my lips. : )