Motherhood has taught me many things, chief among them that you can't take anything for granted.
And you probably think I mean that in the really sweet Hallmarkian way of "oh-you-divine-child-I-will-never-take-you-for-granted."
Yeah. Sweet thought. Not what I'm talking about, though.
What I mean is the baffling phenomenon of raising children in which you hear yourself, the parent, having to expound on the most common-sense notions, because if you did not, your oh-so-divine child would flub the whole thing.
For example, just the other day I heard myself say the following sentence:
"Joseph, go take a shower AND USE SHAMPOO."
One would think that using shampoo should be implied in taking a shower, wouldn't one? But then, one hasn't met my boys.
Here are a few other this-should-be-obvious sentences I find myself saying:
"Boys, go brush your teeth AND USE TOOTHPASTE."
-or-
"Adam, go wake up your sister, BUT SWEETLY, PLEASE--DO NOT JUMP ON HER BED AND YELL IN HER EAR."
-or-
"Please eat your dinner, AND CHEW THE BITES AND SWALLOW THEM AND DO NOT SPIT THEM BACK ON YOUR PLATE."
-or-
"Please go hang that shirt back up AND ACTUALLY GET THE SHIRT ON THE HANGER AND THE HANGER ON THE SILVER BAR IN YOUR CLOSET.
See? I can't take any of it for granted. Much of the time I think my children are brilliant little creatures with an infinite amount of promise, but there are moments when I wonder if the follow-through mechanism in their brains is hopelessly stuck. Please tell me this isn't a phenomenon unique to my children. What ridiculously obvious things do you find yourself saying?
