Are These Things Really Coming Out Of My Mouth?

Motherhood has taught me many things, chief among them that you can't take anything for granted.

And you probably think I mean that in the really sweet Hallmarkian way of "oh-you-divine-child-I-will-never-take-you-for-granted."

Yeah.  Sweet thought.  Not what I'm talking about, though.

What I mean is the baffling phenomenon of raising children in which you hear yourself, the parent, having to expound on the most common-sense notions, because if you did not, your oh-so-divine child would flub the whole thing.

For example, just the other day I heard myself say the following sentence:

"Joseph, go take a shower AND USE SHAMPOO."

One would think that using shampoo should be implied in taking a shower, wouldn't one?  But then, one hasn't met my boys. 

Here are a few other this-should-be-obvious sentences I find myself saying:

"Boys, go brush your teeth AND USE TOOTHPASTE."

-or-

"Adam, go wake up your sister, BUT SWEETLY, PLEASE--DO NOT JUMP ON HER BED AND YELL IN HER EAR."

-or-

"Please eat your dinner, AND CHEW THE BITES AND SWALLOW THEM AND DO NOT SPIT THEM BACK ON YOUR PLATE."

-or-

"Please go hang that shirt back up AND ACTUALLY GET THE SHIRT ON THE HANGER AND THE HANGER ON THE SILVER BAR IN YOUR CLOSET.

See?  I can't take any of it for granted.  Much of the time I think my children are brilliant little creatures with an infinite amount of promise, but there are moments when I wonder if the follow-through mechanism in their brains is hopelessly stuck.  Please tell me this isn't a phenomenon unique to my children.  What ridiculously obvious things do you find yourself saying?

Comments

[Melanie]

"Get ready. It's time to go. And I don't mean later, I mean NOW it is time to go. OUT THE DOOR."

[Sarah Joy]

It's naptime. Lay down, yes with your head on the pillow, and nothing in your hands. Relax the body; you look like you are about to explode out of the bed. Close your eyes. No talking to your sisters. No communicating in any way with your sisters.

(While playing) Your sister can touch the floor is she wants to. It's just as much her floor as it is yours.

When you change your underwear, you take the old underwear OFF.

[Sue]

I can't think of any right now, because if I leave my happy place and think of any of the ten million things I had to tell my children today, there is a very strong possibility that my head will explode.

But I totally get this. You have no idea.

[Ashleigh]

And I thought it was just because my oldest is a toddler that I give instructions this way...

"Please hand Mommy that toy and DO NOT THROW IT AT BABY BROTHER."

"Yes, you can give baby a hug, BUT DON'T SQUEEZE HIS NECK."

I guess it doesn't lessen as their understanding grows?

[Sarah]

"Get dressed...get dressed...get dressed...get dressed..." (first sweetly, then through gritted teeth, then growling, then shouted in big scary booming voice)

then..."Mummy's sorry for shouting...but pllleeeeaaassseeee just.get.dressed!"

Oh and...

"please don't put a cushion over your sister's face and then sit on it"

Daughter: "why??"

*sigh*

[Alice]

Brush your teeth. Brush them. Don't just hold the toothbrush in your mouth. Move it around on your teeth. Spit. Spit. SPIT! Rinse. Spit. SPIT!

[Liz]

We have to tell ~K~ "Wash your hair and don't use ALL OF THE SHAMPOO"

[Andrea Payne]

My favorite, My oldest daughter was about 12 when she was asked to put the new light bulb in the fridge at church. A couple of days later when someone went back to the fridge, they wondered why it was so dark. They found the light bulb sitting on the shelf in the fridge. My daughters response, You didn't tell me to change the light bulb.

My son tried to tell me one day he could take a shower with out water..So now the instructions are - Go take a shower and turn the water on, get in, get wet, use soap and shampoo, rinse and then you can get out.....

[Stephanie]

Here's one I've actually had to use quite a bit with Twin #1: "Take you pajamas OFF and THEN put your clothes on." If I just said "Go get dressed" it never occurred to him NOT to take the pajamas off first. He just put his clothes on over them. And he's an "A" student. Go figure.

[maria]

As a mom of boys, I shudder at the number of times I have asked "Do you have underwear on?"

[karen]

Isn't that the truth? My son didn't want to "bother" me with the fact that he had run out of shampoo so he spent a couple of weeks just kind of running his hand over his head in the shower. Argh.

[Elizabeth]

Yep, I learned that from my mother, who always had to ask my brother if he had used his toothbrush, toothpaste, a washcloth, running water, etc. Friend-I-Live-With thought this was so odd the first few times he heard me roll through that line of questioning, but now he does it, too!

[stacy]

"Bear go put your clean underwear ( or whatever ) IN the drawer" If I am not specific he just puts his now clean clothes back in the hamper.

[Kim]

It sounds like you are at my house. I STILL cannot tell my 16 yr. old to wash her clothes- I have to say "wash your clothes, then put them in the dryer and TURN IT ON!" and that cleaning her shower does not mean just pulling the shower curtain across the tub to hide it! *sigh*
I am sorry to say that it does not get better as they get older. I think it is all a conspiracy to drive us parents crazy!

[Kasi @ ReynoldsRap]

Oh My Goodness! I'm so glad to hear all of this! DH and I were getting worried about our 12 y/o. I have to say:

"Go take a shower, use shampoo, rinse, use shampoo again, rinse." Then I have to call him back to pick up his clothes!

I also have to say:

"Take out the trash, get the full bag out, put a new bag in, shut the pantry door, on your way outside shut the door behind you, when you come back in, take off your shoes and shut the door"

I'm glad to know it's not just us ;)

[JanMary, N Ireland]

Let's just say - you are not alone!!! I usually just talk to myself now, then at least I know SOMEONE is listening :)

[Emily]

Oh yes, this happens often here too.

[Llama Momma]

Don't forget to flush!

[Antique Mommy]

Me: (picking coat up from closet floor) Sean, I told you to go put your coat in your closet.

Sean: But you didn't "say" to "hang it up".

I have no idea how he speaks in quotes, but he does.

Nothing is implicit these days.

[Jennifer]

Please put your clothes away and this time make certain they get IN your dresser and not left on the floor in front of it. I'd like to think I didn't fold them all for nothing.
Smiles!

[Katie]

Everytime I say to my middle son, "You didn't use shampoo this morning, did you?" He always asks, "How did you know?" in complete amazement.
Finally his little sister informed him, "She can smell the shampoo in your hair!"

[Angie]

Did you flush the toilet? Did you wash your hands? Did you use SOAP?

And my personal favorite, "No, we can't put your baby brother in the microwave and see how long it takes to cook him."

[Melissa Markham]

Please go wake up your sister...GENTLY.

Put on your shoes AFTER YOU PUT ON YOUR SOCKS.

Put these toys away AND THAT MEANS ON THE SHELF OR IN THE DRAWER, NOT ON THE FLOOR.

Yep, you are definitely not alone!

[tas]

"go have a shower, and use soap in all the places"
"no mom, i'm fine"
"GO HAVE A SHOWER, WITH SOAP! YOU STINK!!"

[Meg]

Brush your hair, all of your hair, even
THE BACK!
Wash your hands, and USE SOAP.
Put the dirty clothes in the hamper, NOT THE CLEAN CLOTHES.
Go potty and FLUSH THE TOILET.