Wonder Woman Is Just a Chick In Tights

I think the "momosphere", as the mom-blogging world is sometimes called, is a lovely place.  It's a fantastic way for women to connect and gain ideas and encouragement.  It's an especially sweet tool for moms of preschoolers.  That is a precious stage of life, but it's an isolating one.  As we peek into each other's homes via our blogs, we get a glimpse of women who are struggling with the same things we are.  We can urge each other on to be better, to try harder, and this is mostly a beautiful thing. 

Mostly.

But I think it can also lead us down the well-traveled road of comparing ourselves to other women.  I've walked that road myself.  A lot.  Considering that each woman is facing unique challenges, unique life situations, unique marriages, unique socio-economic issues, etc., comparing yourself to another woman leads only to heartache and frustration. 

We're not the same.

And the momosphere, for all the good it does, makes it easy to fall into the trap of wondering why we can't do such-and-such the way so-and-so does it.  We peek into each other's homes without knowing the whole story.  Despite how it sometimes feels, reading a woman's blog is NOT an extended look at every detail of her life.  It's a brief glimpse.  Even those of us who value transparency in our blogging couldn't possibly share every detail, every struggle, every sin that sometimes knocks it down.  It wouldn't be practical or wise. 

Take blogging for what it actually is:  a brief glimpse.  Say it again with me: It's just a brief glimpse.  Know that there are factors at play in that blogger's life you will probably never now.  Some have husbands with flexible and helpful schedules, others have husbands who are gone for days or weeks on end.  Some women don't have husbands at all.  Some women have unusually high energy levels, others simply do not (and that's a biggie--don't discount it).  Some women have children in school for hours a day, others are educating their kids themselves.  Some have a great deal of financial freedom, while others are struggling. 

And I do not mean to say that it's acceptable to make excuses for areas where we need to improve.  We should all be seeking excellence in every area of our lives.  But excellence will look different in each woman, based on her own abilities and challenges and calling. 

So if you're reading a blog--any blog--and you're feeling you don't measure up, then pause for a deep breath.  That particular blogger may seem to have the world at her feet, but those feet may be covered in blisters.  Love her, send her your best wishes, and learn what you can from the things she's doing well.  But know that ultimately you are accountable not to the blogosphere, but to the people you love best, and your God. 

Comments

[Cindy]

Well said and needed. Thank you for keepin' it real in a graceful and compassionate way.

[Sallie @ A Gracious Home]

Must be something in the air since I blogged about this same topic a few days ago. I appreciated your pointing out that reading a person's blog is just a glimpse. As you said, I value transparency and being real on my blog, but I do leave out huge areas of my life. It isn't wise to share everything with everyone.

The energy level IS another big factor. I am now over 39 (ahem) and the drop in my energy level over the past ten years has been very noticeable. The average 40 year old mom of a 16 month old cannot keep up with the average 25 year old with a 16 month old. :-)

[karen]

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I do find myself feeling inferior sometimes as I read all these different things. I want to be challenged to improve but I think it's easy to forget the things you said. So thanks again for the reminder.

[Georgia Mom]

I've struggled with this myself. When I was new to blogging, I often stepped away from reading feeling like I just didn't measure up. But, over time I've come to realize that it's just what you said a "glimpse" into someones life. And I loved what you said that "blisters on her feet". Oh so true! If they glanced at my feet, they would see some big old size 11's looking back up at them. I could fit a whole lot of "world" on them dogs! Good thing, no one in the "momosphere" can see them!

[Activities Coordinator]

Energy? Some Mom's have energy? Why wasn't I told about this? Y'all have been holding out on me!

[Activities Coordinator]

Apparently some MOMS check for grammar before they post, too.

[chaotic joy]

"We should all be seeking excellence in every area of our lives. But excellence will look different in each woman, based on her own abilities and challenges and calling."

Thank you for writing this. It was just what I needed to hear.

[Cindy]

Well said.

[Mommy-fied]

AMEN!!!

[Stacey @ Happy Are We]

My motto: the only place all women are the same is in the sign on the bathroom door. :)

[Cathy]

My favorite blogs are ones where the author writes only when she has something to say and she seems to be writing for herself and God (and we get to peek in!) A few of my all-time favs don't even have a "comments" section! (I'm guessing this might be so that they don't beat themselves up/get a false sense of security based on comments to their posts.)

I would love to start a blog, but I'm guessing it would bring out the worst in me (e.g "I've got to post today!...ouch, I only have 1 comment!", and mostly -- missing my own life to blog about it). For now, I'm grateful to enjoy and be inspired by others who can handle blogging. Thank you!

[Donna W]

My children are 38 and 40. I just want you to know that the mommy blogs to which I subscribe are those written by ladies who obviously and admittedly are NOT perfect mommies. I can so relate to these, remembering my own difficulties as a young mother. And from such as these, I get my biggest daily laughs, because they know how to laugh at themselves. You, by the way, are one of my regular reads.

[Erica]

Thank you for this. I was struggling with something this morning; I needed to be reminded that just because Jane Doe can do "____" doesn't mean that I'm a bad person because I can't figure out how to manage it.

[Jessica]

Thank you. I know it is difficult at times not to compare my mom skills to those of other bloggers. However, I have to remember a few things. #1, we have different children. How one person teaches/disciplines/loves their child may work for them, but may not for me. #2, As a blogger I edit myself. I also try to be a bit "transparent;" however, I will edit myself. There are some things that the world does not need to know. I am certain we all do that. Thank you for sharing this. It is very well said!

[dcrmom]

Shannon, well said. And this SO needs to be said. I've been thinking of posting something similar, but now I'll just link to you. :-)

[Rachel May]

Wow. This is a GREAT post. Thanks for the reminder. :)

[Llama Momma]

Such wise words.

I often refer to my own blog as a slice of my life -- nothing more, nothing less.

[Michelle- This One's for the Girls]

Shannon, I've been enjoying your blog for a long time-- especially your transparency. This post and the one over at blogher about abortion were especially good. Thank-you.

You must be in my subconscious because the other night I dreamed that I was coming to visit you. Melanie was standing next to me as I stood by your front door. The next thing I knew, I was in your living room and my Jane was peeing on your new leather couch. (I think your post about Corrie and furniture store comes to mind often these days as we potty train around here.) :)

Thanks for the daily smiles.

[Sister Honey Bunch]

FAN-TASTIC! Thank you! I really appreciated this post today. I have been struggling myself with the Mommy Wars (posted about it today, actually) and this was a nice point of view. Did I say thank you yet?

[Jenny from Chicago]

Okay yesterday I read your post on Blog-her and today I read this one. I think I love you!

Thanks for a great "perspective check". And your words are true about Moms we meet everywhere, not just on the Mom-o-sphere.

[Janelle]

Great post! It's so true and easy to feel inferior, but then I think of what people might think of my life based on my blog and it's not a complete picture by ANY means!

[pam]

Just what I needed to hear this morning. Thanks, friend.

From one who is feeling the "blisters" today.

[Andrea]

Thank you, Shannon.

[Adventures In Babywearing]

I agree! Very good reminder! And I just recently read a post by Catherine Newman at Wondertime called "Confessions of a Mommy Blogger" that many can probably relate to!

[Robin]

"Eyesight" is a funny thing, isn't it? What we see...what we THINK we see...and what actually is there to be seen.

Bloggers share what they want to be seen, and even then, it might not be received with the same sight it was extended.

Encouraging words here, Shannon, to seek to see the important things, and to keep everything else in perspective.

:)