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February 2008

Unfogging

I love y'all.  I really do.

The comments you made on my post yesterday (as well as the private e-mails many of you sent) have been a bigger encouragement than I could possibly tell you.  Thank you, thank you.  I urge everyone to read through those comments, when you have time, because there are some seriously wise women out there in bloggy-land.  How'd you get so smart?

The truth is, while there are plenty of foggy, anguished moments like the one I wrote about yesterday, there are some very sweet moments as well, moments in which I feel God bringing some things into beautiful clarity.

My emotional response is to sell everything I own and move to Uganda and disdain America, etc.  The less-glamorous reality is that there really is much I can do here.  I've hesitated to say it, because it kind of sounds like a cop-out--but there is something to be said for the "givers", the people in America whose life situation is such that they can give, and give, and give to those doing the work in the field.  One of the things I most love about Compassion is that they're not an organization of Westerners swooping in to "rescue" the locals.  They're a funding arm that empowers the locals to rescue themselves.  Big difference.

(And by the way, I know my FAQ on Compassion details is long-overdue.  I'm working on it, I promise.)

Furthermore, God offers grace and compassion to wealthy, misguided Americans, too.  Shouldn't I?  The blindness caused by too much stuff can be a very powerful trap (oh-have-mercy, I'm speaking from experience).  African children aren't the only ones who need deliverance--rich people do too.

Still furthermore (I'm on a roll, baby!), I think it's important for us to acknowledge that God is not limited, but we humans are.  My husband and I feel very convicted to determine very specifically what God is calling us to do right now--we want to follow Him with maximum obedience.  But when we're doing that--when we're faithfully obedient to do what He's leading--there is great freedom to rest and live in joy.  There is room to gratefully and humbly laugh with my kids and love on my husband.  Dare I say it?  I think there's even room to enjoy my hot showers and my Sam's Club lasagna and my Lost

Reader Sherry shared the most wonderful quote (thank you, Sherry!):

Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by the accidents of time, or place, or circumstances, are brought into closer connection with you.

- St. Augustine of Hippo

I have officially gotten off my duff.  I'm not sure yet what my life will look like in six months or ten years, but I know Who does.  Both in the fog and out of it, I'm going to take it a step at a time, knowing that my comfort zone will likely get smashed a few more times. 

Get off your duffs with me, my friends!  You can start right here.  If you haven't stepped outside your comfort zone lately, I'll tell you, the view from here is pretty fine. 

*UPDATED* No Answers, Big Headache

That wasn't exactly my favorite Lost episode. 

My word, that was confusing.  The episodes that have to do with Desmond always are, it seems (remember the creepy white-haired woman and the monastery from last season?)  I'm not even sure what to say about it except...

My word, that was confusing

(But wasn't the phone conversation between Desmond and Penny the sweetest thing ever?  Gotta love a Lost love story.)

That's all I have to say about that.  Your thoughts?

*UPDATED TO ADD*  I think there's something to this Michael/Walt theory several of you raised.  Think about it--those two left the island without knowing where they're going, right?  So they almost certainly veered into the time warp.  Either they got picked up on the ship, or they're floating out there in "lost" time.  MAYBE THIS IS WHY WALT KEEPS REAPPEARING ON THE ISLAND.  That just almost makes sense!

How Do I Do This?

Some days I'm waking up feeling a spark of "normalcy" returning to my life.  The pieces begin to fall into place.

And then some days I wake up so overwhelmed, so paralyzed by what I've seen and what I should do about it, that putting one foot in front of the other takes effort.

Guess which one today is?

I don't know how to do this.  That's the frantic phrase that's been echoing around in my head and heart these last few days.  I've prayed it, I've said to my husband, I've even said it aloud when I'm alone in my house.  I don't know how to do this.

I don't know how to fit my new heart and head back into my life.

I feel angry--angry at anyone who doesn't "get it", angry at American culture for being so excessive, angry at myself for being a part of the problem.  It's a self-righteous anger, not the productive kind.  It's gotten me in such a twist that I find myself avoiding friends so I won't have to explain myself. 

It's a strange kettle of fish.  I traveled to the other side of the world to see poverty that boggles the mind.  I came home, ready to tell my story, ready to change the world.

But guess what?  Someone still has to run to the grocery store for milk and eggs.  Someone still has to pay the overdue fine on the library book.  Someone has to carpool to soccer.  I'm doing it.  But I'm doing it in a fog. 

I don't believe it is right for me to plop back into my world with this sudden disdain for everything around me.  It's self-righteous, and it is the opposite of grace.  God made me a 21st-century American, with all that entails.  He has work for me to do, right here.  I just have to figure out what that looks like.  How, specifically, is it different from the life I was living before?  We were already committed to a pretty frugal, no-frills lifestyle.  Is that enough?  Do we sell it all and move to the ghetto?  Do we work harder and earn more, so we'll have more to give?  How do we best honor the One who has given us such abundance? 

I don't know how to do this.

How do I teach my children what I'm learning without giving them "survivor's guilt"?  How do I respond with graciousness and compassion--not indignance--when I see such waste all around me?  How do I keep these lessons fresh on my heart?  Do I really want it to get easier with time? 

I don't know how to do this.

But one way or another, I have to.

Works For Me: Our Compassion Notebook

WfmwsmallSo, we have three more Compassion kids now.  In addition to our boy Dissan, we've also added Esther, Abraham and Joseph--all from Uganda. 

We want to do this well.  We want our communication with our kids to be consistent.  And someday, when I meet them (and I will!  One of these days--I so want to go back!), I want to have a big stack of their letters to show them how much they meant to our family.

So this week, I got organized.  I found an old three-ring binder laying around, and I hole-punched our information on each kid.  I made dividers--one section for each child, so we can keep the letters from them separate.  I had some blank address labels left over from Christmas cards, so I made several with the address for sending in sponsor letters.  I even filled the back of the binder with blank notebook paper, making it even easier to write regularly.

Have a WFMW tip you'd like to share with the blogosphere?  Leave your link below.  Remember to look through the guidelines, especially if this is your first time to participate.  **Next week is another Backwards Edition of WFMW, so get ready to post your toughest questions for your readers!**

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34. Mom Is Teaching (Contest idea)
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37. Beth @ The Natural Mommy (Homemade Colombian Salsa)
38. Jes @ Beauty From Chaos (My Beloved Steamer)
39. forgetfulone (chore calendar)
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41. Julesie (children\'s reading lists)
42. Kristin(Target-rock bottom prices)
43. Louise (Inexpensive and cute eyeglasses)
44. Org Junkie (never lose your keys again!)
45. Beth (getting kids to eat those veggies!)
46. Laura @ Laura Williams\' Musings (keeping track of Contests won... here\'s why)
47. Sasha @ Cherished Moments (getting roses to flower)
48. margalit (Healthy Sandwich Bread)
49. Michelle at Scribbit (Felt Bunnies)
50. Elizabeth (curb kids squabbling)
51. Owlhaven (spring cleaning in baby steps)
52. Infinity Goods (keys/organization)
53. Untraditional Home(Once a month shopping: Budgeting food)
54. Melanie (Prescription Savings)
55. a Tonggu Momma (Cesspool Diaper Changes)
56. Passionate Homemaking (finding time for reading)
57. Popsicles On The Porch (**Packing Tip)
58. Robin @ Heart at Home (baby clothes )
59. Robin @ Heart at Home (baby clothes )
60. Robin (PENSIEVE) :) GREAT 40th Birthday Idea!
61. If Only I Had Super Powers (preparing for the worst)
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64. Smellyann (Organized Grocery List)
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68. Amy @ By His Grace (MaMa Lu\'s Spaghetti Sauce)
69. Susan(ToddlerToyRecommendation)
70. Gigablonde [How to feel safe and secure when life\'s a crazy madhouse!]
71. Mamacita (cleaning muddy footprints off carpet!)
72. Jessica@Treasures From Heaven (Password Cheat Sheet)
73. Tina in Thailand ( clean pots and giveaway)
74. Menus and More For Less(school lunches)
75. Suzanne (corded phone)
76. Makeshift Mama - Stick-Free Eggs Without Teflon!
77. It Coulda Been Worse (Vitamin help)
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84. warillever (indoor sandbox - sensory play)
85. Robyn @ Overflowing Grace (better home organization)
86. Teresa (crochet for pots and pans)
87. Ronnica (Stress-Free at the DMV)
88. Gourmet Mom (Chocolate Bath)
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90. Niki (frugal flour storage)
91. Like I Was Saying (saving money on gas)
92. The Happy Housewife (laundry)
93. Becky (hilarious party game)
94. Kristin (Storing Diapers and Less Walking!)
95. Beth (Pirate Themed Birthday Party)
96. fullheartandhands mama (Get Baby to Sleep)
97. Britni (being prepared for guests)
98. Hadias (Homeschooling w/ toddlers)
99. Laura ( cleaning diamonds)
100. Vickie@PursuingSimplicity (quick meal)
101. Shalee (Magically Appearing Dinner)
102. Alana (socks as Swiffers)
103. Mrs. G (allergy/sore throat help)
104. Teri @ the Infertility Chronicles (fitness & diet journal!)
105. Mrs. Who (Baskets!)
106. jennifer Kid made race cars
107. Candace (Happy/Sad jar)
108. Missy (Nursery decorating)
109. Katrina, Callapidder Days (Recovering photos)
110. Jenny (gardening)
111. Elizabeth Sue ( Cleaning With Out Chemicals)
112. Erica (recipe organization)
113. S.B. (Reuse Materials for Shipping on Ebay)
114. Feminine Pursuits ($107.05 made online!)
115. Sarah@Real Life (INEXPENSIVE DECORATING)
116. The Family CEO (Boosting Fiber and Nutrition in Our Diet)
117. jen (juice boxes)
118. Amy (chopping onions)
119. Marianne (tips for stomach flu and kids)
120. Braun Family Circus (magnet boards)
121. Thia (More Laundry Baskets)
122. Amy (Dog Shampoo)
123. Sarah K (measuring crisco)
124. Charity (clean counter while cooking)
125. simplemom (free background music for the home)
126. Katie (fruits and veggies)
127. Ames (spotting a liar)
128. Abbi@Proverbs31Living (learning geography)
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135. Angela (Banana Split Breakfast)
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137. warillever (indoor sandbox - sensory play)
138. Nichole (homemade frozen dinners)
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142. Ann (fast breakfast)
143. Ann Kroeker (keeping hair from slipping down drain)
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148. Momala (Keeping Track Of Library Books)
149. Mrs Stepford (Homemade Song Bird Treats)
150. Sugar Mama (Organizing/Decorating Play room)
151. The Not Quite Crunchy Parent (Reusable Bag- leave it In The Car!)
152. Reynie (Thank You Note Jar)
153. Ashley (cold/flu)
154. laane (present your tealist)
155. Tons of Sons ~ best bubble bath
156. Char (magic ice)
157. Greenstylemom (Handy Homemade Breading)
158. mom_of2boys (rewards)
159. Beans & Rice (soda pop)
160. Chandra- Craft Organizer
161. southern( getting kids to clean)
162. Kim (memory journal)
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164. Amy @ The Q Family (Tackle laundry)
165. Drying Diaper Covers
166. Jen M (easy wreaths)
167. Margaret (Fun Soap)
168. Jeni (Coping with Toddlerhood)
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171. A Womans Work (Easy Mornings)
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173. Jenn (potty training tips & encouragement)
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177. NerdMom(Youtube and learning)
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192. Stephanie @ Keeper of the Home (accomplishing tasks with children underfoot)
193. Peggie(bread making)
194. Dolphin Lady (Sweet potato gnocchi)
195. The Nourishing Gourmet (chicken noodle soup with turkey "sausage"
196. Lucky (Job Jar * 1st time)
197. Kathleen Marie (I need your help gas saving energy tips)
198. Simply A Musing Blog (Birthday traditions)
199. Wifey (keeping an online cookbook)
200. The Garveys (using a timer to clean)
201. Sara@Sarandipity (Save your Dryer)
202. Aunt LoLo (Quick, cheap, NO-EVIDENCE wall decor)
203. Stacy (Kid Friendly Carpet Cleaning)
204. Amanda (Something special for your children)
205. Ashlyn (Filling Home with Scripture)
206. Doris(NaughtyCodes)
207. mod*mom (easy tax time prep filing with unlimited tax support. 3 codes to give away $110)
208. The Thrifty Blogger (Free Photo Editing)
209. Sonshine (clothespins)
210. Mandy(LibraryBookStorage)
211. mod*mom (giveaways 34 prizes worth $1800)
212. GP in Montana
213. Amyswandering (Fairy Coloring Pages)
214. Jennifer in OR (keep coffee hot w/o microwave)
215. Hotomom (Breaking up fights)
216. The Garveys (using a timer to clean)
217. chanelireli (keeping siblings happy during baseball)
218. Odd Mother (Be Smart With BS)
219. Stephanie @ Keeper of the Home (accomplishing tasks with children underfoot)
220. Olivia Mobile Growth Chart
221. Hollie@CheaperthenCheap Conservation
222. JoAnn (Carpal Tunnel Help)
223. Shelley(covering lampshades)
224. Jenn (organizing bed sheets)
225. Lisa
226. Jenn @ Adventures in Poop (my version of BabyLegs)
227. Janelle @ Now Play Happy (Trader Joes Bag)
228. 2nd Generation of Homeschooling (Organize Recipes)
229. Amy@sonshinecottage(childsize organization
230. Kit and Her Caboodle (chunking your time)
231. Nichole
232. Mandy (cleaning lasagna pans)
233. Plastic Daffodils (Saving Money)
234. Cindy @ ValuesDrivenFamily.com (Everyday Forgiveness)
235. Karyn for you (flying with children)
236. Katie @ Endless Day (easy bread recipe)
237. Stephanie - Meal Planning
238. Candace(laundry saving money)
239. Poor Woman\'s Wealth(saving those pennies)
240. Veggiemomof2 (IBS)
241. LaRee @ Broad Horizons (french press)
242. Pufferfish Diaries (homeschool video-by-mail service)
243. Amy from SD (saving on big ticket items)
244. Dolphin Lady (homemade flavored creamer)
245. Three Time Mommy (free shipping)
246. TopazTook (Laundry Sorting)
247. Amy from SD (keeping up with kids portraits)
248. Erin (healthier meals)
249. Kaci (freezer cooking)
250. Melonie @ Workerette (fun with binders)
251. Becca (Easy Homemade Vegetable Broth)
252. Heather ( less mess roast)
253. Kisses of Sunshine: Earache Pain Relief
254. Melonie @ Momma & More (organize kids\' clothes)
255. Jennifer (Boxed Meals)
256. Kristin (Tourist in Your Own Town)
257. Jacquelyn Because I Said So! (kids vitamin contest!)
258. Jenni (curing cabin fever!)
259. diXymiss (mOmstar)
260. Biblical Womanhood (cleaning your combs and brushes the easy way!)
261. Kirstin: Making Sports Family Friendly
262. What About Mom? (pizza, pizza, calzone!)
263. Carrie (Homemade Hot Cocoa)
264. Miriam (Unstuffy Classical Music)
265. Sarah (homemade BBQ sauce)
266. Totallyscrappy (Beautiful Brownies)
267. Kim - Organizing Recipes On Your Computer
268. Lynley (Toddler Sleep Issues)
269. Jen (getting rid of rust stains)
270. Ashley (Great eye make-up remover)
271. Building the Ark (Almost Sleepover Party)
272. Mammarino (Leaky Diaper Fix)
273. April(kid friendly soap containers)
274. Cayce (I\'m New!)
275. Ranee @ Arabian Knits (Doubling Recipes)
276. Tara (swaddler blankets)
277. Jacquelyn "Because I Said So!" ($100 PRIZE!!!)
278. Sandi (popcorn on the stove)
279. Danna
280. Danna(painting quilt)
281. Starr LaPradd

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I Hear the Carrots Are Pretty Fierce Too

My husband read my previous post and told me he knew exactly what my dream meant.  He said that clearly I have Johnny Depp pirate issues, and my dream simply revealed this. 

Me:  But Johnny Depp is pretty gross and grungy in that movie.

Hubs:  Yeah, but you totally have the damsel-in-distress, save-me-from-the-scallion thing going on.

Me: The scallion?

Hubs: Yeah.

Me: Do you mean the scalliwag?  Last I checked I didn't need to be rescued from onions.

Hubs:  Oh.  Yeah, that. 

Either I've been putting too many onions in my enchiladas, or my man has been watching too much Veggie Tales.

Sweet Dreams

I've been on Malarone for a while now--it's an anti-malarial drug.  Even though I'm home now, I have to continue it for a full two weeks, just to be safe. 

One of its side effects is personality disorder, which I seem to have escaped (unless you ask my husband.  Please don't.)

But one of the side effects I have experienced has been really vivid, strange dreams.  If you are the sort who feels the need to analyze every element of your dreams, Malarone would rock your world. 

Last night, snug in my bed, I dreamed that I learned that Hubs and I had been married by a preacher who wasn't licensed, so we weren't actually married.  We set out to right this wrong by planning another wedding.  But we felt like we needed to do it in 48 hours, so we were really busy.  We called and informed (not asked) our dear friends who have a beautiful backyard with a pool that we would be using their yard for the ceremony, and could they please hire a lifeguard because we wanted our children to be able to swim while we said our vows. 

Evidently if your nine-year-old son does a canonball during the "to love and cherish" part, it really seals the deal.

Anyway, I called Shaun Groves and asked him to do the music, which he said he would do, but only if he could play old early '80's church camp music.

Evidently if the crowd sings "I Have Decided To Follow Jesus" during the "kiss the bride" part, you're hitched for good.

Then (and, by the way, kudos to those of you who have managed to stick with this post), I decided to do all the catering myself, so I prepared a bathtub-sized vat of chicken salad.  And then, taking a break from our preparations, we decided to go have lunch with our old friend Jimmy Buffett (yes, JIMMY BUFFETT).  As we ate lunch (chicken salad, of course), Jimmy showed us the pirate costume he brought for Hubs to wear in our wedding.  And Hubs was just thrilled about this and put it on right away. 

Because evidently if your prospective groom shows up wearing large hoop earrings and a skull-and-crossbones cap on your wedding day, then your wedded bliss is assured.

And that's it.  Chicken salad, pirate grooms, and my illegitimate children doing the dog paddle, all in one night.  Personality disorder?  Not me.

And If You're Eating a Bowl Of Cocoa Puffs, I'm Especially Sorry

I would like to announce to no one in particular that our pet rats have somehow learned to poop outside of their cage.

I do not mean they are escaping from their cage and pooping.  I mean they are in their cage, carefully locked in, and somehow the little poop pellets leave their bodies and end up on the floor just outside their cage.

And I know those are a lot of italics, but if there was ever a cause for italics, I'd say Bionic Rodent Poop qualifies. 

The whole thing kind of reminds me of that Magic Bullet Theory from the Kennedy assassination--remember?  Supposedly the bullet traveled all these different directions, shifting in mid-air.

Except this hasn't altered the course of U.S. history.

Well, and it's poop

* * * * * * * * * *

(Thus concludes my first attempt at being funny and lighthearted.  It feels strange.  I haven't fully given myself permission to laugh yet.  Bear with me.  And quick, leave a funny comment so I won't feel all weird and exposed.)

Just Your Average, Ordinary Weekend on the Nile River

Dsc_0205_4Yep, the Nile River. 

That Nile River

The same one Moses floated in a basket on.  The same one that God turned into blood.  The same one that Cleopatra...

...didn't Cleopatra do something on the Nile River?  Suddenly the tenth-grade world history escapes me. 

Anyway, toward the end of our Uganda trip, our blog team headed out on the African savannah for a quick weekend safari.  It was a time to decompress, rest and fellowship.  (There was also fabulously geeky tech-talk about "search engine optimization" and "Google algorithms".  Ah, it's a good thing when bloggers come together.)

The safari was a culmination of such a mind-boggling, surreal experience, that Sophie and I found ourselves frequently shaking our heads at each other, trying to process what we were seeing.

"Um, Sophie?  We're eating breakfast looking at the Nile River."

"Um, Shannon?  We're flying on an airplane over Africa."

100_2268 "Um, Sophie?  We're sitting in a safari jeep behind a game warden with a loaded AK-47."

"Um, Shannon?  We're looking at a giraffe and we're not at the zoo."

We could just never quite get over all that.

Our friend Randy has documented beautifully all the wildlife we saw (grab the kids and pull up a chair to watch his video here.)  The lodge where we stayed was straight out of a Hemingway novel (seriously! Hemingway stayed there once!)

"Um, Shannon?  We're sleeping under a mosquito netting without air conditioning."

And the airstrip for the safari lodge?  Only a video will do it justice:

"Um, Sophie?  We're waiting for an airplane under a mango tree."

Did it all really happen?  I finally finished putting away all my luggage this weekend, and when I wiped the African dust out of my suitcase I just shook my head.  Was I really there?  Did I really go on a safari?  Did I really fly over the North Sea and the Alps and the Sahara desert all on the same day?  Did my heart really break?  Did I really see that much hope?

Will it ever seem real?

Dsc_0102

 

What I Couldn't Say

This says it.  Exactly.

(Have I mentioned that I think you should sponsor a child?)

I'm Just Curious...

...what political blogs y'all read.  Leave the links in the comment section!


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