Talk Amongst Yourselves: Home Alone!

Knowing full well that there's no "magic age" (every child is different), at what age do you let your kids start staying home alone during the daytime?  At nighttime?  What ground rules do you give them? 

Comments

[Carolyn F]

We've left our 11 year old home alone twice, with good results so far. Rules include no answering the door or the phone, unless caller ID shows it's us. He was left a number to reach us. We left him for less than an hour both times. Baby steps I say...

[stacy]

Oh, I was all excited about reading people's answers and there is only one so far. Not that I need the advice yet, I have three all under 5, but I was curious as to what people would say.

[Mary B]

We have a 11, 8 & 5 year old. Just this year we began leaving them home, alone, for brief periods of time. For example, when we leave them we are usually no more than 10 minutes away and have our cell phones available at all times.
One thing that we do is save "screen time" for when we are gone. That means they can do their webkinz, play the Wii or watch an approved show. That makes is special because those are not allowed all the time. So they look forward to it as well.
Right now I think they are at a good age because its new, they are naive and don't really realize what they can get away with since mom & dad are gone. They are good kids (aren't everyones) and we trust them to make good choices, which they usually do.
Sorry to write so much but I hope this helps!

[Susan G.]

I have left my 10 year old home for 15-20 minutes while I drop off or pick up his younger brother. We practiced calling my next door neighbor and my cell phone and talked about 911. Our community education program offers a stay at home alone class for 10 and 11 year olds that we found helpful.

My rules:
Do not answer the door or the phone unless it is someone he knows (we have caller i.d.).
No eating. (I am worried about him choking.)

[where the boys are]

We have three boys: 16, 12 & 8. We've been leaving them alone since the oldest was 13-14. As others have said, we started out with short periods and didn't go too far away. We still don't go too far (I try to be where I can get to them within 15-20 minute if needed). And I would not go away overnight until the oldest is at least 18. We have left the 12 (he's almost 13) year old alone a few times with the 8 year old. Their chemistry is not as good together so the 12 year old is actually happier alone. I think you have to "know" your kids, prepare them for various scenarios that could occur while you are gone and progress slowly so that everyone is comfortable. Also, check your state laws - there are a couple of states that have laws that dictate when a child can be legally left home alone - I just can't remember which ones they are.

[Rebecca]

I'll be SOO glad to hear responses to this. I have an 11, 8, and 6 yo. 11yo often asks to stay home when I run errands and while I have a few times, I'm always afraid that I'm making the wrong decision. He's pretty mature and usually sits and does his school work or reads a book.
We had that awful flu that's going around a few weeks ago and we ran out of Tylenol. I left all 3 feverish kids and made the 9 block trip to the pharmacy, shaking the whole time.

[Holly]

My kids are not old enough yet at 6 & 7, but I can tell you what my friends with a large family do.

The law here is 8 years old can be home alone for a short time during the day, at 12 you can babysit your younger siblings - so that is mostly a very loose guideline. It really depends on the kids.

Our friends' kids read or do schoolwork when they are home alone.

I am fairly certain I have one who would be fine at home at 8 and one who will need to be about 35 when she's left home alone. I find that no eating rule above interesting - my kids don't choke while I'm home, I wonder what they may eat while I'm out that would cause a choking problem? Our rules will involve no answering the door; no phone calls - unless to us in an emergency; and no eating, now that it's been pointed out that they may mysteriously choke without an adult around to monitor them - I am nothing if not impressionable and paranoid; and no going outside, unless there is a fire - in which case I made a really bad call on when my child was an appropriate age to be left home alone.

I'll be interested to see the comments from others.

[Momala]

We started leaving our oldest son for short periods of time when he was 11. We were never very far away in case he had an emergency. When my daughter was 12 she took a babysitting course. After she completed that course we were able to leave all four kids home. At that time my youngest was 4.

The ground rules for the kids were this: no computer, no answering the door, never tell anyone who calls that there were no parents home.

[Barbara H.]

Mine were around 12 and 13 when we left them home alone. Two did fine; one took the opportunity to look up something on the internet he shouldn't have. :-( It wasn't like he was looking up the really bad stuff (avoiding the word so search engines don't zero in on it) -- my husband and I were discussing the change of the meaning of the word "thong" since our youth (meaning then a flip-flop shoe) and he searched for it, and, I'm sure, certain pictures came up I would rather he hadn't seen. So part of it was just curiosity, but the fact that he looked it up when he was alone instead of asking us indicated, I think, that he had some idea that it was something he shouldn't see. So it was a lesson to us, not only in dealing with the internet and children, but in being careful of what kinds of questions our conversations might arouse in children and trying to anticipate their questions and answer in age-appropriate ways. I looked up things I was curious about, too, when I was a kid -- only in encyclopedias.

Other than that our main rules were: no friends in the house while we were away, and they were not to answer the phone (unless they heard our voice on the answering machine) or the door, the latter so that they would not be vulnerable at the door alone with a stranger, the former so that they would not accidentally give away to a stranger that they were home alone.

We didn't delve too deeply into all the safety scenarios so as not to scare them to death, but we told them in case of a fire or other emergency to go to a neighbor's house as soon as possible and call 911.

There is a six-year gap between my youngest two, and I would let the older two boys stay home alone a long time before I would leave my youngest with them. I just wasn't confident that they would actually watch him or know what to do if he choked on something or hurt himself. In fact, the first time I did leave my oldest in charge, when we came home he was alone in his room with the door closed while the other two were playing elsewhere. :-/ We had to instruct that that was not what "watching your brothers" entailed. We've found you have to be very specific about your expectations!!

I know one mom who left her children a list of chores while she was gone to keep them busy enough not to get into any mischief while she was away.

[Barbara H.]

I just read the other comments, and wanted to add that another of our rules was that they had to stay inside while we were gone. We also took it in short amounts of time or distance and worked up from there. If not for cell phones, it might have been even later that we left them alone -- there was comfort in knowing that they could reach us right away. But it was scary, at first, all the same.

This also might be paranoid, but I didn't have them unload the dishwasher while I was gone, or if I did, I put away the sharp knives before I left. I could just foresee them playing around and someone accidentally being hurt.

[JanMary, N Ireland]

My eldest is 10, and has started asking me to stay home alone if I have a quick message to do. So far I have said "no" but maybe it is time to give it a go. I will be back to read more replies later.

[Ann'Re]

My son is only 8YO son so I won't be leaving him home alone for a while yet, but I have left him in the house doing his school work while I work in the yard. :) He's our only child so I don't have to worry about him watching siblings. I'm definately interested in reading the responses (especially the rules) since it won't be long before I start making this decision.

[Ann @ Holy Experience]

12-- 2-3 hours alone.
And he has the cell phone number.
Rules: no answering the door, no computer on (re: internet), clothe yourselves in love (re: siblings).
Results: thrives on it. Speaks of our trust in him. Rises to the expectations. Matures further.

Much love to you, Miz Shannon....
Ann

[Cristy]

My boys are a year apart (but in the same grade) and they asked to come home after school instead of going to the babysitters in 6th grade. My aunt, who was their babysitter, lived only 2 blocks away, so I was comfortable leaving them home alone for about two hours until we got home from work. General rules: lock the door, friends do not come in the house, they do not leave the house, answer the door or answer the phone, unless they hear us on the answering machine.

One time my mom wanted to pick them up and take them to dinner, and I told her just to call the house (I was still at work) and say on the machine that it was okay to pick up the phone. They would not answer the phone for fear that I was testing them, so I had to call to let them know she was picking them up and that it was okay.

[Melanie @ Notebook Learning]

My son is now 12, but I've left him alone at age 11 approx. 3 times. However, he was sick, we needed things from the store, and the store was literally only 6 blocks and one major road away.

Basically I told him the door doesn't come open for *anyone* but me, and if anything happened, call 911 immediately. He was fine. :-)

Now we've moved and everything is farther away, so I'm not sure when I'll let him stay by himself now.

[Sister Honey Bunch]

I am interested in opinions as well. I had 5 older siblings so it was never an issue for me. Now I have an only child.

[Miriam]

I was curious to see what the responses would be for this discussion. I only have a preschooler and one on the way, so I'm years away from this. However, I must say that I'm surprised that folks are leaving their 5 and 6 year olds at home with older siblings. I guess you know your own kids and trust them. Just a little scary to me.

[Steff]

Wow I am thinking I must be the most relaxed mom on the planet or something...

We live out in the country and my 4 almost 5 y/o has stayed by himself a few times. he knows 911, our address, and my cell. i have a neighbor who always knows and she is home and in reach when i do this, but its all of 1.6 miles to the country store and takes about 10 minutes to run down, pick up milk or bread and run back...
but i am sorry i think that the amount of coddling and over protecting with many kids these days is part of the reason that kids dont take responsibility for taking care of themselves.
on the other hand my younger son will be at least a few more years before its an option because he is so unobservant...lol
but i do leave both of them here together to run up the street to the mailbox all of 300 feet up the road.

now for @ night or after dark...no we have years to go. i think age 10 is ok for an hour but like long enough for us to go to a movie or something nahhh...12, 13...maybe...we live an hour from town and a 2 hour movie...maybe when they are 12 and 13 we will think about it
steff

[Kellyanne]

My nine year old rides the bus home from elementary school and is in the house for 15-30 minutes before his fourteen year old brother gets home. In that time, he calls me at work to check in, lets the dogs out, and gets a snack. My boys have been fairly responsible so far...getting chores and homework done, cleaning up after themselves, and following rules. The rules are: No one in, No one out; only answer the phone if it is a parent; no t.v. or Wii. We also have installed an internet filter (which I highly recommend) to help avoid any temptations that they might face. (I also check the web history regularly)

[pam]

We've left Libbyline (12) at home alone once, but she does not like being left alone any time. That wasn't really her cup of tea.

Now, we have left her a couple times at home with the other two for brief periods while we went to get coffee or to a short meeting very close to home.

She's done great, and the younger ones really do listen and follow her instructions.

It is liberating for us, and the way her face shines because of our trust in her is well worth the furtive drives we do around the block to make sure they are doing fine while we're gone.

[Heather @ Desperately Seeking Sanity]

As a single mom, I've always had a plan in place, since the time they were in kindergarden, about staying home alone. At that time, I didn't leave them home alone purposely, however, I was always worried that I would get stuck in traffic or held up and not make it home to meet the bus on time.

We set up a plan that if no one was home, they were to come in the house (we live in the country and never locked our door), sit on the couch with disney or nick and wait for us to get there. He was 6 when we implemented this plan and it was only for emergencies.

Several times, I would hide the car down the street and see what he would do if he came home and realized that I wasn't there. Each time, he did exactly as he was instructed.

We've not used our plan very often in the last 5 years, but it's still in place. And now that they are older (11 and 8) there are times that I don't make it home in time, and they still follow through with that.

As for leaving them home intentionally, I will on occassion... to run to the store or when I have parent/teacher conferences. All of these take place during the day and I'm never gone for longer than an hour.

I've not decided when I will leave them for longer periods of time. My 11 year old can be completely trusted, my 8 year old, not so much. My big fear in leaving them together is that they will fight and it will get out of hand. But as a youth leader, I have a plethora of kids that love to come and hang out at my house and play with the kids, and that's what they do. They play. I make them all a pizza and they rock out on the PS2 of watch movies while I escape for some mommy time.

However, in the times that I am gone, and leave them here alone, they are not allowed to use the phone or answer the door. They must stay inside and the door must remained locked. I picked up a cheapie prepaid cell phone and we call that the "mom phone" meaning, if I need to call them, or if anyone needs to get ahold of them, they call that cell phone adn the only people they are allowed to call are programmed into that phone.

We also use this phone when I have to have to be in two places at once with sports... whoever I drop off by themselves at a game or practice has the phone and can reach me while I'm at the other's game or practice.

So far, it's working for us.

I'm interested to see the responses on this one. I felt a little odd leaving them home for 30 minutes here or 30 minutes there, thinking that I was the world's worst mother, but often times, not having a choice. Now I see that there are others who have the same mentality that I do. I will say though, that when I have a gut feeling that they should go with me, I take them. Call it mother's intuition, but I always follow my gut.

Great topic.

[Michelle]

My daughter is not old enough to be home alone, but here's a link to a helpful resource, Know the Rules...After-School Safety for Children Who Are Home Alone. It lists tips on what to consider before leaving your child alone and what to make sure your child knows. Although it is in reference to after-school, the tips are applicable to other situations.

[green3]

My boys are 11 and 8. They are fine being home alone for an hour or so. After an hour, 11yo is ready for us to come home. We don't leave them home alone at night, just because they aren't comfortable in the dark.

I really think it depends on the kid.

[Sugar Mama]

My children are 11, 9, and 5. They stay home alone while my husband and I go out to eat, or just run errands together (we'll take whatever alone time we can get!)

We keep a cell phone with us, and we leave the other cell phone with them, with an index card taped to it listing important phone numbers. We also let our neighbors know that they are home alone "just in case".

[CP]

Our kids are 13 and 14. They stay home during the day, but we don't allow them to stay home at night alone. We have early work hours, so they get themselves up in the morning and off to school...not ideal but it works. They are mature and no the rules (no cooking with the stove or oven, don't answer the door, etc.)