It Gets Easier

My first two babies were born 17 months apart.

One morning, when Adam was one and a half and Stephen was a newborn, I was leaving ladies' Bible study after having picked them up at the nursery.  In my left arm was Stephen and his 14-ton baby carrier, two diaper bags and a tote bag.  In my right arm were my car keys, three coats and the pudgy hand of little Adam.  Just as we exited the building, Adam exploded into a tantrum over something--I can't remember what--and I carried all 25 pounds of screaming boy, dangling from my right hand, his feet refusing to touch the ground.  A woman saw me struggling, and with sympathy in her eyes said, "It gets easier."

I went to my car and cried.

Fast forward a few years.  Adam had just turned four, Stephen was two and a half, and Joseph was a newborn.  It was the end of the day, just before Hubs was supposed to return home.  Things had fallen apart.  All three of them needed me at once, and all three of them were crying.  I sat on the couch, rocking the baby back and forth, a preschooler weeping on each shoulder, and I felt more overpoweringly inadequate than I'd ever felt in my life.  I can't do this, I thought, as I focused, quite simply, on breathing in and out.  In and out.

Surely, I thought, it must get easier.

This time, I was too spent even to cry.

Those moments, and hundreds more like them, are seared into my heart.  As much as I treasured parenting my little pack of preschoolers, the extreme exhaustion and mental drain that comes from that season of life nearly did me in more than once.  I look back on those recent years, and I wish I could give the "me back then" a whisper of encouragement from the "me today".

It gets easier, I'd whisper to my bleary-eyed self.  They sleep and they reason and they take charge of their own bodily fluids.  They make you laugh and they feed the dog and they remember where you put the car keys.  They become functioning, delightful little people who can read the notes you leave them.  It gets easier.  It really does.

Since I can't go back in time to share it with "me back then", let me happily share it with you moms of little ones.  You know who you are.  I pop in on your blog sometimes and see that precious, frantic season of life you're in.  You're sitting there at the computer, right now, and you may have crusty spit up in your hair.  You may have assembled 364 miles of Thomas the Tank Engine track today.  You may have sung the Dora the Explorer theme song until your head is ready to explode.  You have little ones, really little ones, and they need you so very much.  And, oh my friend, I know you're tired.

So yes, I tell you, it really does get easier.  Sure, you inherit a different set of parenting challenges as they age, but at least everyone can cut his own meat.  You will get through this time.

And if that's not encouragement enough for you, let me share with you something a friend shared with me during a particularly trying episode of Young Mommy Fatigue.  She e-mailed me the following verse (Isaiah 40:11):

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.  [emphasis mine]

Never have I felt as loved as I felt the moment I first read those words.  The God of the universe, the Master Creator, stopped in the middle of telling The Greatest Story Ever Told for just a brief moment to whisper, "Moms, I know it's hard.  But I will lead you.  And I will lead you gently." 

As I read it, I laughed and cried altogether, speechless with thanks at a God who could express such specific tenderness to His creation.  I wasn't alone.

And neither are you, moms of those precious little ones.  You may be up to your ankles in pureed carrots, but many, many of us have gone before and lived to laugh about it, urged on by the gentlest Shepherd.  Take all our word for it.  It gets easier.  And it gets good. 

Comments

[Holly]

from a mom of a 2 1/2 yr old, 1 1/2 yr old (13 months apart) and twin 2 1/2 month olds (15 months)
through my encouraged tears...thank you.

[laurakathryn]

Thank you! I have three precious girls - 4 yrs., 2 yrs. and 3 months...little stairsteps of cuteness. I try to be thankful in everything and it's nice to be reminded that this is a difficult job and we are not alone...lots of supportive friends and fellow mommies and of course our Heavenly Father. Thanks for reminding me today when I am so tired. You inspire me!

[Char]

Delurking to say THANK YOU!! I have two boys, ages 4 and 1 1/2, and a baby girl on the way in just a few weeks, and I've been struggling a LOT the last couple weeks as I reach the "I don't want to be pregnant anymore!!" stage. I've been on modified bed rest with this pregnancy, which is pretty laughable with two little ones to care for, and I've been wondering a lot how I'm going to take care of THREE! It's been overwhelming, and she isn't even here yet! I so needed this post. I'm going to print it out to read whenever I need it again.. and again.

[cbg]

Thank you so very much for this post-I like so many others who have commented really needed to hear this today. What a blessing your blog is!!!

[Heidi]

I never knew that verse existed. Thanks so much for sharing. I've got to jot that one down!

[Bee]

Thank you!

[Christine]

You obviously hit on something with this post judging by all the comments. I am one saying, "Thank the Lord!!!" as I read. I'm expecting my 4th and his brother just turned one, so they'll be 17 months apart- the shortest span of all of them- and I'm wondering daily, "How will I do this???"

We all love you for this post, those of us dragging toddlers in melt-down mode, that is...

[Shelly]

Thank you, thank you! What a blessing this was to me today. Hubby (the best one in the world, BTW) somehow doesn't quite get how I can love being a mom so fiercely and still feel this way! Thank you for reminding me that there are many out there who relate.

[Leanne]

Simply....thank you. I got goose bumps reading that verse, how wonderful to know that He knows, and understands.

There are days and then there are days....

[sweethomealagirl]

That is such a good reminder! My first two were 15 months apart, and with the surprise of #4 upon us for this year, I will certainly need to remember this!

[Pastormac's Ann]

Oh, amen and amen. And BRAVO for putting it so well!

Thanks, Shannon!

[Romie]

Thanks :)

[Mommy Dearest]

You truly brought tears to my eyes. I have older, younger, and everything in the middle. I just finished being a study hall monitor at my kids' music program for one hour. I had to take my 19-month-old, 3-year-old, 5-year-old, and 7-year-old with me. All of the older kids were looking like "What are those little kids doing here?" and my little ones were showing off as if no one had ever paid them a moment's attention. I was one of the longest hours of my life. Thanks for the words of encouragement and the verse.

[Jody]

Shannon,
What a blessed gift you've given to so many today. It made me tear-up as I remembered Those Days. As the mom of five who are in their twenties and teens now, I can join in your chorus,
"It gets easier and it gets good."
May I add, "VERY GOOD."

Thanks,
Jody

[MarciaVigil]

You're right that time between toddlers and teens is so wonderful and teens are fun too but older, driving, dating teens a different type of exhausting so I would take back the poopy diapers, crusty hair,mindless rhyming books and sleepless nights in a heart beat.

[lori m]

Shannon,
Once again you have written what many people need to hear....including me. Being pregnant with my third, I have often wonder how you do it with four and keep your sanity (as you seem to do). My 2.5 year old is a handful with lots of challenges on a daily basis. I keep wondering if I/we've made the right decision on bringing just one more in to this world. Of course, it's too late to change our minds but never too late to wonder. Thank you for the wonderful post. As someone told my husband, about children, "long days, short years". That helps put things in perspective....most days!

[Jen]

It does get easier. And as you watch your teenagers struggling with new issues, you remember those preschool years with such fondness.

Every stage is wonderful! Sometimes we just forget that while we're in it, though. :o)

[JenMom @ LotsofScotts]

SOOOOOOO good. I am the mother of 3 toddlers. I linked to this on my blog today. I was just writing a few days ago about how people steal young Moms joy by saying..."just you wait..." with a negative connotation. Thanks for the antithesis of that attitude!

[Cousin DV]

Great post!

[Heidi]

I have one toddler and one on the way and you don't even know (well you must) how amazingly needed these words were today. That verse is going up on my fridge and I am so very grateful to you for this post!

[Christine]

My new mantra, "It will get better, It will get better!"
Thank you for the encouragement. Sharing this has helped me feel not so alone with my sometime "feelings of helplessness".
A wonderful verse too.

[Karen]

With all the others, Thank you!

For such a long time I cried and spent my days as a frustrated, irritable mother, looking for help NOW. I didn't think I could wait for "someday."
Then God showed me what He's doing TODAY that gave me hope for every day and every trial. He is using my children and my struggles as a mother to make me into the woman He wants me to be. Now, while I have the real hope that things will be better someday, I also have joy knowing He's using TODAY for good, too!

[Kelley]

I can echo so much of what you wrote today, Shannon. I have 3 kids, 11, 6 and 4. And while there were times when I really thought I would never see daylight again, I can also testify that life is once again (dare I say?) GOOD. Though I wouldn't turn back time for anything, I now look back and see the joy my kids have brought to my life at EVERY stage.

Shannon, I can see that so many have been encouraged by your story. And that's the way it should be.

[on the Rock]

This is so nice even as I read it as a pre-mom. What I am going through now to become a mom is horribly insane as it is. Your words are nice "It gets easier..." Thanks.
Blessings!

[barbie]

Without a question I know that God lead me to your blog tonight!!! Thank you for your timely and needed word of encouragement!

[Jessica]

Thank you for pointing out the verse and pointing me toward Heaven today. I really needed the encouragement after a crazy day!

[GranolaGirl12]

How does it feel to make so many women cry in one day? :-) I definitely had tears when I read this post this morning.

You should submit this to something-- a parenting magazine? a newspaper? It's beautiful and just what so many of us needed to hear as we mother out babies. Thank you for being our mentor and our encourager. What a blessing you've been to the Blogosphere.

[Rhonda]

I had 4 little girls in less than 4 years, and this verse is one of my favorites, too. My oldest is just 6, so I still cling to it. Thanks for your beautiful words of encouragement.

I am linking to this post from my blog, hope that's ok. :)

[Jenny]

Thank you so much for this really, really encouraging post. I am 2.5 months from having my 4th baby. My kids are 8, 6, and 19 months. I know in my head that it gets easier because I have 2 "older" children, but I'm also a little nervous heading back into the days of 2 in diapers and very dependent on Mom. Thanks for reminding me that I am not doing this alone. I'm going to put the verse from Isaiah onto a 3x5 card and it's going to be my theme verse for the next however long. Thanks again for the encouraging post!!

[Sarah's in the Midst of It]

"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver."

Your words, sweet friend, are a balm to so many. I needed to read this one tonight. Every night:)

Thank you for saying it with compassion--that's a blessing.

[Tamara Cosby]

Passing this on to my friends. Thank you. Please let me know if this is something I can put on my blog, linking of course to yours! :) One of my other friends just found your blog, she loves it as much as I do, thank you!

[Karen]

Thank you, Shannon.

[Liz Borbe]

Thank you for this post.
Obviously it has been a blessing to many mommys out there, myself included!...the verse you wrote is a great reminder of how gentle God is and so lovingly gives us the grace to embrace and get through each day...
thanks again,
Liz

[peach]

Shannon,

I don't know what I could possibly say that hasn't already been said, but I do remember so clearly those years as well when my days were filled with the needs of a 4yr.old, 16mo. old and newborn. I would go days at a time without ever leaving my house, and if anyone got sick--I might not have seen "real" clothes until everyone was well. Why ruin the good stuff on boogers and throw up?

Thanks for being a beacon in the otherwise dim tunnel that mommyhood can be at times when we are surrounded by so many so small. You are truly a blessing to hundreds of thousands of women all over the world. I am so glad to call you friend!

[Lane]

I just found your blog and wanted to say "hi" and thanks for the encouraging words. I'm a mom of four small ones (getting bigger all the time)and that verse is very conforting. Thanks! I'll be adding you to my blogroll if that's ok.

[Lane]

I just found your blog and wanted to say "hi" and thanks for the encouraging words. I'm a mom of four small ones (getting bigger all the time)and that verse is very comforting. Thanks! I'll be adding you to my blogroll if that's ok.

[Alicia]

That is so sweet, Shannon! I've so been there before.

[HolyMama!]

oh shannon. if i had a 'favorite post ever award' kinda thing, well, this would get it. i've heard that same scripture in my spirit the last few days, and just been awed by its power to calm me and reassure me.

what a MINISTRY this blog has become - especially this very post. WAY TO GO!

[Dana]

What an encouraging post. I have been struggling with my 2 (almost 3) year old tantrums following the birth of our 3rd child in September. He never did tantrums but the last 5 months have been full of them. Thanks for reminding me it will get easier and to cherish them now.

[Kelly M]

Thank you, Shannon. Over her from Owlhaven, almost didn't read past the WFMW, sooooo glad I caught the title of this post. Boy, you summed it up better than I could. I have two almost-three-year-olds and a one-year-old, and we're getting ready to adopt a new baby in the summer. Just having the girls almost three has been a relief too, because they can talk, they can obey, they can run and get a diaper or a pacifier for the baby, they love to help... my girlfriend who has a newborn and an 18-month old is beginning the craziness, and is calling me with the weepy "does it EVER get better?" I'm sending her a link to this post. I think I ought to print this on notecards and hand it out to every mama of young ones I know!

[Mx5]

My 5 kids range in age from 7yrs to 16yrs. I am amazed at how much better everything is now, but I do miss those baby days (at least the snuggling, cooing stuff).

I look at moms with 2 or 3 little ones and wonder, "How did we live through that?". It didn't seem that difficult at the time, just extremely exhausting.

I have told many young moms that, in my opinion, chasing 3 little ones is like a new level of parenting. It's chaos. When we added baby 4 and 5, it didn't add to the chaos, it just added to the laundry. The good thing is that everyone gets older.

Now EVERYONE in my family can tie their own shoes and make their own breakfasts and lunches. They even clean the house. Ahhhhhh. It does get easier. I tell young moms to mentally add 5 years to each child's age and think about how life might be different then; and we know how quickly 5 years flies by.

Great post, Shannon.

[Pieces]

Your post has perfectly captured the reason why I became a Mentor Mom for a MOPS group this year--so I can tell them it gets easier. And to help them carry that load to the car on the way out!

[kiki]

I know you have received 142 other comments, mostly thanking you, but I too want to say THANK YOU! I am a SAHM with a 2.5 yr. old boy and a 10 month old boy. Those words of encouragement are what I needed to read today after commenting to my husband this morning, do you think I will ever get to sleep through the night again?! Thanks for the encouragement! Funny how the Lord provides what we need in a place I would not have thought.

[Jackie]

Dr. Dobson said that a mother with a toddler and infant has the hardest job of all. He was right.

I have seven children, 15 to 6, and it was hardest when they were young. But, Shannon, you're absolutely right. It does get easier! It really does! Precious words!

Another piece of advice that was given to me when I had my first baby was to enjoy each stage of the child's life. It goes by so fast!

[Aimee]

I happened upon your blog from Holy Mama!
I was so encourage when I read you're post! I am a mom to a 4 1/2 yo, 2 1/2 yo and a 15 mo. As I'm sure you know, it is not easy, but I'm happier to hear that it does get easier! Thanks for the encouragement!!

[Amy]

Thanks. I needed that this week.

[Amanda]

I just wrote about it being hard sometimes on my blog yesterday. PEople have been telling me about this post and from the amount of comments you have recieved, it's obvious you were sensitive to teh Holy Spirit when writing this. We all needed this! I have a four year old, two year old and two week old. Yesteday was a bad day and this makes me smile. The paragraph you wrote about Thomas and Dora, wow! You read my mail.

Thanks for this. You blessed me!

[Amanda]

I just wrote about it being hard sometimes on my blog yesterday. People have been telling me about this post and from the amount of comments you have received, it's obvious you were sensitive to the Holy Spirit when writing this. We all needed this! I have a four year old, two year old and two week old. Yesterday was a bad day and this makes me smile. The paragraph you wrote about Thomas and Dora, wow! You read my mail.

Thanks for this. You blessed me!

[Amanda]

I just wrote about it being hard sometimes on my blog yesterday. People have been telling me about this post and from the amount of comments you have received, it's obvious you were sensitive to the Holy Spirit when writing this. We all needed this! I have a four year old, two year old and two week old. Yesterday was a bad day and this makes me smile. The paragraph you wrote about Thomas and Dora, wow! You read my mail.

Thanks for this. You blessed me!

[Christa]

Thanks for this encouraging post to keep my eyes fixed on the Lord who will guide and sustain me through all that He wants me to be and do. God bless!

[J.Fergie]

Ok, you have no idea how much I needed to hear this!

It's been a rough week (I know it's only Wednesday) but I've been on the verge of losing it all day today.

Check out my post from Monday to feel my pain:
http://mamalaw.blogspot.com/2007/01/why-there-are-no-reality-shows-about.html

THANKS SHANNON.

[Code Yellow Mom]

Thanks so much - this is a sweet and helpful reminder. Even better than the little old men who sometimes stop me at the grocery store and say, "There's a special place in heaven for mothers of boys." ;) I'm going to post this one in my heart, as boy number three in four years will be here in June. :) Always wonderful to know there are footsteps to follow. And that it really can be done with grace and hope.

[Gina]

Oh wow. Many thanks to my friend who emailed me a link to this today - after she read my meltdown on my blog. After almost 10 years of infertility, I've had 3 baby girls in 35 months (only the first one was with medical assistance - the other two have been wonderful surprises from God). Never in my life did I think I would be struggling with an ungrateful heart about motherhood - but I have been the past few days. I really want to be the woman in Psalm 113:9 (He makes the barren woman a joyful mother of children and causes her to abide in a happy home). I've been far from a joyful mother and my home has certainly not been happy. I literally sobbed as I read your post. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! Motherhood is hard work. Motherhood of babies close together is just plain insanity sometimes!

[Toni]

Thank you, I needed that.

[Nic]

I don't have any children yet, but it's a wonderful thing to keep in mind.

[Monique]

I am a mother to 4 children ages 4 and under. I have a 4 yr. old, 3 yr.old, 18 months and expecting #4 in 2 months. My husband is a Lutheran pastor (Missouri Synod) and so I have a lot of long days by myself. I Sooooo needed to read this blog. I'm copying down the verse from Isaiah and putting it on my bathroom mirror. Thanks!

[Nic]

See, Shannon? I'm not the only one who finds your blog inspiring!

[TaunaLen]

Even with four teenagers, I needed this, today. Thank you. I am jotting down the scripture to post on my mirror.

~TaunaLen

[Grace]

Thank you for the encouragement!!

[Linda]

Thank you so much. I really needed that.

[Sarah Joy]

Well, since there are 160 comments, I'm sure what I have to say has already been said, BUT thanks for a wonderful article!

I have four young'ns under the age of five. (Until next month) All of them needed me last night several times.

That was an encouragement, and on that note, I'm going to bed!

[Jennifer]

Oh my word... I have never cried over a blog before -- you silly goose. This brought tears to my eyes!!!

SIGH -- it's gets easier... but the LORD paused, and said to me -- a mommy of young ones, "Moms, I know it's hard. But I will lead you. And I will lead you gently." Oh me... there goes those wet things again... yes tears.

MAY THE LORD BLESS YOU TODAY -- MAY HIS FACE SHINE UPON YOU MY FRIEND!

I followed a link from mamabecks blog... Ü

[Erica]

I am so SO GLAD that I came across this post today. I linked to it today on my blog post..I hope you don't mind. I do a blog surfing post each Friday where I share a few links to posts I had come across throughout the week that I liked.

[Laurie in TN]

Shannon,

What a beautiful post. Yes, it does get easier. My children are grown now but I remember "those days." Someday your children will tell you that you're the best mom in the world. And your heart will smile and it will all be worth it. I used to say that God doesn't give us more than we can handle but I've changed my view on that. Sometimes I think He gives us more than we can handle so we can lean on Him and call out to Him. Thank you for sharing.