Wherein My Comfort Zone Gets Blown To Smithereens

Hello, Internet.  Welcome to my Comfort Zone.

It's a cushy little place, with soft pillows and high-speed internet access.  The remote control always works, and there is always a Diet Coke from Sonic just around the corner. 

Not too much is expected of me in this Comfort Zone.  I know my way around quite well--I've spent most of my life here, in fact.  No mosquito netting is required, no special immunizations are needed, and for the love of Pete, no children are ever hungry.  Or orphaned.  Or afraid.

And so it was, a couple of months ago, that I was having a fairly leisurely morning in my Comfort Zone, checking my e-mail, munching my breakfast and listening to some cable news.  A nice and cushy and comfy morning.  Just like always.

And then a little e-mail popped up on my screen.  It was from Compassion International, the highly-regarded relief agency that works all over the world.  I'd known of them for years.  We'd even been planning for a few months to sponsor a Compassion child--we just hadn't gotten around to it yet.

But they weren't asking me to sponsor a child.

They were asking me to go to Africa.

They're taking a team of bloggers to Uganda for ten days in February, to live-blog the relief efforts going on over there.  And would I like to go?

Oh-how-kind-of-you-to-ask-there's-absolutely-no-way-I-have-four-kids-but-thanks-anyway.

I forwarded the e-mail to Hubs.  My solid, logical, ever-rational Hubs, who never makes an emotional or impulsive decision.  I just knew he'd agree with my assessment that this was a huge impossibility.

Except that the minute he got my e-mail, he called me from his office.  "I think you should go," he said immediately.

Um-yes-excuse-me-did-you-know-there-are-lions-there-and-you-have-to-fly-a-very-very-very-long-time-over-an-ocean-or-two?

"Yes," he said, "and I think you should go.  Let's talk about it tonight."

I wrote back the Compassion folks and told them their offer was very kind, and I'd need to pray about it and talk with my husband. 

But instead, I started making a list of all the reasons this wouldn't work.  And there were a lot of reasons.  I'm a mother of four kids, for Heaven's sake--who on earth would check their backpacks if I went trotting across the globe?  And I'm terrified beyond words of flying, even going just a couple of states away.  Flying across the ocean?  Alone?  And I know there are many, many people doing very heroic and brave work in Africa MUCH more demanding than what I was being asked to do, but I am not at all one of those heroic and brave and adventure types.  Not at all.  And did I mention there are lions?  And airplanes?  And that the only international travel I've ever done was going to Cancun and staying across the street from a PLANET HOLLYWOOD?

I did actually pray about it, and a surprising thing happened.  All the reasons I couldn't do this began to fall away one at a time.  Friends and family eagerly lined up to help with kids and logistics.  It turned out I wouldn't be going alone--Sophie was going too, and she promised to faithfully coach me through the bazillion hours on the airplane.  The passport and immunization stuff was do-able.  The reasons not to go kept falling away until there weren't any left. 

Well, there was one left.  It was the one that had been there, sitting beside me in my Comfort Zone for a really long time. 

I'm not sure I want to be changed that much. 

My well-intentioned ideas about sacrifice and making a difference are well and good, but those things are easy to say sitting in your carpeted, air-conditioned living room with your well-fed children.  I'd be going to Africa specifically to see the vast and overwhelming need there, so that I could in turn write about it.  We'd be going out into the villages, and the hospitals, and the orphanages.

A person doesn't see something like that and just stay the same. 

To make a very long story (sort of) short, the last two months have been a time of wrestling with some ugliness in my own heart, not wanting to admit how dependent I am on being surrounded by loveliness and convenience.  And let's just say it:  I'm afraid.  I'm afraid to fly, I'm afraid to be away from my family that long, and most of all, I'm afraid to see the kind of suffering I'm going to see.  And while I've come face-to-face with a whole heap of my own fear and selfishness, I've seen more of God's grace than I ever have before.  He's already used this whole experience to turn my heart upside down.

And I haven't even gone yet.

So yes, I'm going.  The passport is on my kitchen counter, and the immunizations are scheduled for later in the week.  I'm hammering away at all the logistics, and I plan to be taking you all with me every step of the way.  I'm excited and nervous and terrified and humbled and--dare I say it?--ready to be changed.   

Comments

[Sarah]

Wow, what an exciting trip. I can see how you would be apprehensive (especially about flying, I'm not too great at that either). I pray God will really bless your trip. Everything happens for a reason and so much good will come from it because God will make it good.

Blessings.

☆*´Sarah`*☆

[Kelly]

What a blessing this will be for the rest of us who can sit in our own Comfort Zones and learn about what is going on "over there." Thank you for doing this, Shannon!

[oh amanda]

Oh, I'm so EXCITED and JEALOUS! What an amazing experience! Are you sure you don't need someone else to go with you and you know, hold your computer or something?

[TheAngelForever]

What a great husband you have! I wish you a safe and wonderful trip in advance. I can not wait to see your posts from your amazing adventure.

[Ann Kroeker]

This is one of those amazing moments where the good old-fashioned call of God merges with the 21st Century high-tech tools that believers today utilize for ministry.

Because you have faithfully maintained this blog and demonstrated your skillful storytelling ability, you have caught the attention and earned the respect of people who also understand the power of high-tech communication.

The people of Compassion International know you'll tell the stories well. They know you'll be honest and capture the truth of the situation in multi-sensory word pictures that speak with power to your many readers.

I look forward to hanging on your (and Sophie's) every word, living vicariously, my faith growing as yours is stretched.

People seem to consistently come back from Africa with a piece of it wedged in their hearts--I'm not talking about parasites, either; I'm talking about some stirring power of people and place. My father-in-law, a niece, two aunts, and several friends have all experienced this--Africa is in them.

May God surround you with His presence and protection, continuing to assure you that this is His thing...He'll lead you and guide you, and give you words.

If you pass through Belgium, give a big wave to my relatives--and eat a waffle (the ovalish kind with sugar chunks inside, not the rectangular kind on a plate). That's sure to give you the strength needed for the next leg of your journey.

[bee]

That is amazing! I cannot wait for the live blogging! And to hear your thoughts when you get back!

[Tracy]

I got tears in my eyes reading your blog. My husband is a musician and his band just recently went to Peru with Compassion International. We are both changed, even though I did not go. Prior to his trip we had started sponsoring a child in Africa. While my husband was in Peru they were given the opportunity to begin sponsoring a child there and meet them. How awesome! We did not sponsor in Peru because we had just began to sponsor the girl in Africa. I really wish we would have, it is not often that people get to meet their sponsored child. Since you were considering sponsoring a child anyway, you should ask before hand if that option is available. If so, you could bring gifts and pictures of your family to share with them.
What an awesome experience you get to participate in. Blessings to you!

[Frank]

I am a bit late to reply, but I think you were very accurate in the "changing you forever" department. I spent a month in Kenya in 1996 and it has forever changed me. Whenever I feel myself sliding back into my "old self" I take out my photos and refresh my perspective and memories of that experience.

I hope you are able to move out of your comfort zone.

[lildb]

It sounds scary and terrifying and you are going to be SO GLAD that you went.

(I was an exchange student approx. half of my life ago - oh, how old I feel just *typing* that - and, granted, it's not quite the thing that you're about to do, but it's def. a departure from same-itude, and I wish you the safest trip and, simultaneously, the most moving moments. So, okay, maybe not *all* that safe.)

[Amanda]

Hey Shannon,
If you get home and you decide you want to adopt like one of the other comments suggested, we have programs in Ethiopia and Rwanda! www.awaa.org

[Ann@ HolyExperience]

Shannon...
What do you say when you've been thinking on something for a day or two, looking for the right words? When you want to tell someone, somehow, "Go for us who can't go, be our eyes, our ears... our heart. Let us change through you. Compel us. Wake us up. Chink, carve, mold us."
I guess that's it. That's what you say. It just took me awhile to say. Does that convey how much I mean it?
I can't begin to pray you enough Godspeed, enough grace, enough strength.
You go not alone. Our prayers blanket you and His arms uphold you.
Write the epistles home... we too are ready for transformation.

All's grace,
Ann

[Marcia Francois]

WOW - how wonderful. THe only thing more wonderful would be if you visited me in South Africa :)

[daring one]

Shannon. That will be amazing! You guys will be phenomenal and it will be a life-changing thing for you and hopefully all of us when you share what you're doing and seeing over there.

[Seaton]

Looking forward to your blogging the event. I'll pray for your family while you're gone. You'll realize how helpless you are half a world away, and how all you can do is pray for them. So I'll join you in doing that. At least that's what I wanted when I went.

[Tami]

And changed you will be!!! I led a team to Africa (for the 2nd time) this last August. As my missionary friend says, you will be "ruined" forever. Missions work gets into your heart and soul. You will have a new world view and a new outlook on missions everywhere.

I am also a mother of four and now my goal is to expose my children to missions as much as possible. I have even taken the younger ones on small trips to work at an orphanage in Mexico, they did great. The older ones I encourage to go overseas at every opportunity. Our children in America need to know that the blessings and abundance that they know are not the norm for the rest of the world. It helps them to look outward and focus on others.

The flight is not bad, long, but not bad. The entertainment systems keep you occupied and it a great time to catch up on some reading. If you are flying British Airways, they have personal systems for each person in the seat backs, and you can choose the programming so you are not subjected to their choice of movies. They have a good selection.

If you have any questions about what to pack or what to expect, I would be glad to help you. My passion is missions and getting others excited about what God is doing all over the world.

I can't wait to hear all about it:)

[Diane Wolfe]

I completely understand how you feel- I am lucky enough to be going to Africa in Feb with compassion (to Ghana & Burkino Faso) and meet my sponsored child. I have only flown a few times so understand the whole flying part, but I did go to Colombia with compassion 2 years ago, and it was so worth it, and life changing. I will be thinking of you when I'm over there too!

[kathryn Stanford]

OMYGSH..I really am excited for you..I WANT TO GO!!! Please let me know when the next trip is. I work at a homeless shelter with women and children in Hawaii. I love my job. Maybe someone could contact me for the next trip. May the Lord be with you, "Talitha Cumi" (Rise up little lamb).

[Lindsay]

I was directed here from a bulletin on myspace by Compassion. I will definitely be keeping up with all of this. Your blog is officially added to my bookmarks. I sponsor a Compassion child in Uganda, so it grabs my attention even more than if it were another country. What an amazing gift... to be able to go & see everything firsthand. Grab a couple of books for the flight & try to relax! Oh, let me suggest an author - Karen Kingsbury. Just get the entire Redemption Series. You'll be so wrapped up in the books, you won't have a chance to worry about the flight! God bless all of you!

[Perry]

Hey Shannon.

I was also directed here from a MySpace bulletin, and I figured I would let you know you're not alone in your worries about the trip.

I'm 15, soon to be 16 in May. Two or three weeks after I turn 16 I'm going to be making the same trip you are. Memphis, to Chicago, to London, and then to some airway an hour north of Kampala, Uganda.

Yeah, I'm pretty much terrified. Never flown; scared out of my bleedin' mind.

But God's good. It's gonna work out, no matter how frail I may be. Same with you.

But I don't need to tell you that, do I? :)

[To Think is to Create]

I'm probably one of like two people on the planet that didn't know about your blog...I have to tell you, this post is so inspirational. It's so awesome that you are not only crazy good at self-reflecting and figuring out why you are feeling things, but then you go and share it with all of us in such an eloquent way. I'm excited to read along with you. Being crazy and taking this huge leap of faith will bring you such huge rewards. All your readers here are just one facet of this. Will be thinking of you...

[~Amy]

PTL! I'm so excited for you to be the eyes and ears and hands for us who will be sitting at home waiting to "live" this experience through you! They picked the perfect "blogger" for this experience.

God Bless,
~Amy

[Andrea]

We adopted our first Compassion child in October. Our pastor talked about Compassion for a few weeks and my 11 year old daughter trotted right to the lobby to pick up an information packet on a 5 year old who needs help. I have to admit, with 4 children, I was feeling a little overwhelmed with the thought of adding yet another, but everyone else was all for it, so I agreed.

We got our first letter from her in December. Her letter came in with all of the other Christmas Cards that were travelling to the mailbox. My heart was changed in the first sentence... dearest Mama Andrea. Just like one of my children when they began to talk, I couldn't wait to hear "mama". God chose those words to get my attention and to show me that I can love yet another child - one who I may never see - but one that I can protect and love through prayer and letters.

I will pray for you to have the safest travels as you head to Africa to let us know how it is going over there.

[Nic]

Wow, Shannon, what a wonderful opportunity. Think of the stories you'll be able to tell, not only to us, but (more importantly) to your children! Good luck!

[Amber]

We sponsor a Compassion child in Ethiopia and I have always thought how great it would be to go and meet him.

I am really looking forward to reading your posts about your trip.

I am so proud of you for letting God use you - so many people will become aware of Him and what He is doing because of your trip. Lives will be saved - both physical lives and souls.

I will not only pray for you, but will pray for me and all the other readers who God will use through you. Thank you for being His tool!

[Sally Ferguson]

Shannon,
I am so proud of you! You have an opportunity to be a voice for someone and represent these little someones to the rest of the world.
You represent all of us, as you go to that part of the world. You are my eyes and ears in this adventure. I am your prayer warrior as you travel.
God bless!

[Sue]

Absolutely awesome!
You go, I'll pray!

You better believe you will be surrounded with prayers girl!

Sue

[candy]

I don't know you, your blog was forwarded to me by my sister because she said it reminded her of me. Let me tell you God is about to rock your world, and it will be the best thing that has ever happened to you and your family! I was just like you, happy in the bubble life I had lived in forever and had no desire to pop my bubble. God had different ideas and took me to Tanzania on a mission trip 2 years ago. God broke my heart wide open and filled it back up with His love for the amazing people of Africa. Don't be afraid... He will equip you for what He has called you for! Put on your seatbelt and enjoy the ride. I'll be praying for your heart to be fertile soil and God will plant seeds of love. Please feel free to contact me, I'd love to talk more.

[Heidi]

Hey! You didn't check with us to see if we want to be changed by reading about it! I hear you about all those fears. I'm not afraid to fly, but I'm right there with you on the rest of them, most especially the one about not wanting to have to cope with all that need and suffering. Godspeed to you, and I'm looking forward (I think) to reading about it.