Life and Death

I wore a wedding dress to my grandmother's death bed.

She had been diagnosed with bone cancer only a month before my wedding.  She went, very suddenly, from being a happy and active participant in the wedding plans, to lying in a bed in a back bedroom of her home, hospice workers quietly shuffling in and out of the room.  How we all had prayed she could somehow be at the wedding, in a pretty dress, in her rightful place of honor. 

But she couldn't. 

My entire life, she had been front and center at all my happiest memories.  She taught me to paint my nails.  She let me use her giant Buick to learn how to drive.  She bought me a new dress when Hubs asked me out on our first big date.  The day I knew I loved him, she was one of the first people I called. 

And yet here she was, on my wedding day, barely hanging on to life.  We left our reception as fast as we could, so determined was I to see her on this day of all days.  The yards of taffeta rustled as I tiptoed into her room and sat down next to her bed.  Her eyes were closed.

"I'm here," I whispered, and I told her about the day.  I told her how handsome my husband looked.  I told her how he kissed me.  I told her about the bridesmaid dresses and the birdseed toss and who caught the bouquet, and I told her that I carried her mother's Bible with me that day.  I told her who all was there, and how good the cake was, and how happy I was, and how much I loved her, and how very, very much a part of this she still was. 

And as I leaned over to kiss her forehead, a few pieces of stray birdseed, still stuck to my dress, sprinkled gently onto her gown.

What a picture we must have been in that moment.

The start of one life and the end of another.

A beginning and a goodbye.

Life and death.

I left her bedside reluctantly.  My new husband and my new life awaited.  Just as I knew in my heart I was telling her goodbye, I knew she would want me to focus squarely ahead.  So I did. 

She died three days later, while I was still on my honeymoon.  Just as she would've wished, my family did not call to tell me, knowing there would be time for mourning when I returned.  But before they buried her, my mother took one of the pink roses from my bridal bouquet and pressed it in my grandmother's hand. 

Today, my own hand wears her wedding band, nestled against my own.

It's been a strange and precious blessing over the years, my grandmother's death and my own wedding bound so tightly together.  I look at her ring on my hand and think of the sweetness and sadness that life sometimes serves to us on the same plate.

I wouldn't separate them if I could. 

Comments

[Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates]

This is such a lovely memory.

I do miss my grandmother - we weren't as close as you, but I loved her and she represented family traditions. When she passed away, family dinners and holiday celebrations like I knew them were no more.

[threeundertwo]

Tomorrow I am taking the kids to their grandfather's funeral, and there we will console their aunt, who is burying her father just days after her own wedding.

It is such a blessing, when someone holds on so that they can share one last milestone in our humble lives. Your happiness brought your grandmother joy.

Thank you for the beautiful post. It really speaks to me today.

[Teri]

We're a month away from the first year anniversary of my Daddy's going Home. My 3rd daughter was married in December & she was bound & determined that he was going to be there. He didn't make it. The cancer won. We took a picture of him & put it on the unity candle table. When they took the pictures of the grandparents, my mother was holding his picture to her heart.
I didn't have that type of relationship with my grandparents. I want my grandchildren to have that with me. Which would explain why my floors still need mopped today. My son & his daughter was here & we sat on the porch swing & ate ice cream, petted the cats and sang loud & off key. She may not remember this afternoon but I will.

[Kris]

What a beautiful testimony to your grandmother's life..and what a legacy she has given you.

[Megan]

beautifully written. thank you for sharing this. what a precious relationship you two have shared~*

[Ewokgirl]

That was beautiful. You brought tears to my eyes.

[Molly]

I totally can relate to this—life pressing on with new possibilities for joy that you could never have imagined, yet so much sorrow still as we look back and miss what was and what could have been. Thanks for writing this, Shannon.

[genny]

Your story, and the beautiful way that you wrote it, really touched me. Thank you for making me stop and think about my own grandparents today and the love that they passed down to the generations after them.

[Kelley @ O2BNAZ]

No fair making me cry today. What a sweet perspective you have of those precious memories that are woven together in the fabric of your life.

[Stephanie]

Amazing story! Thank you for sharing it. I'm sure she is looking down from heaven so proud of you and happy that you are happy.

[Lisa-BlessedwithGrace]

What a sweet story. Thank you so much for sharing this piece of yourself with us all. Such a beautiful post.

[NerdMom]

What a blessing that you had that moment to hold onto. Now, I need to quite blubbering and wash dishes.

[Jen D.]

Beautiful! Thank you for sharing your memory with your blog readers. It actually brought me to tears.

My wedding was also bitter sweet. Although, my father passed away seven years before I got married I missed him so much it hurt on my wedding day. My brother walked me down the isle, but it was not the same. Don't get me wrong my wedding was a wonderful and special day in my life, but by the same token it was difficult not to feel saddened by the obvious absence of my father.

[Richelle F]

What a sweet story.

[Rebecca]

Thank you for such a beautiful post. I attended my grandmother's funeral in February, and I am so thankful for the heritage of faith she has given our family. I read your blog every day and always look forward to your entries.

[Mrs. Who]

What an incredible and beautiful story. Your first line is fabulous!

[AmyG]

What a beautiful post!

[Heather from One Woman's World]

Wow, Shannon. That was beautiful. How tender and lovely.

[Karen Putz / DeafMom]

This post made me cry. My kid's grandmas are now 80 and 77 and I just realized that they may not be around for their weddings.

Now I'm crying harder.

[anymommy]

Thanks so much for sharing this. I need to go and find a tissue now.

[Okie Sister]

That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

[Beachy Mimi]

Your grandmother was a funny and sweet woman. I miss both your grandparents. I remember how beautiful you looked on your wedding day. I think she just waited to see you married!! This was a wonderful post about her and that day.

[Headless Mom]

What a beautiful story. I recently lost my grandmother- she was 101! Sweetness and sorrow often come together. We're blessed to have both, really.

[Lizz @ Yes, and So is My Heart]

That was beautiful.

[Nicole@ApronStringsAflutter]

That is a beautiful story...thanks for sharing.

[Kara Messner]

What a precious moment that must've been for you to have with her. What a great memoir to have in your heart and on your hand. Thanks for sharing.

[Robin (the pensieve one)]

A memory to cherish for a lifetime, one that surely bleeds life into future generations.

A lovely tribute to her life, sweet legacy that lives on in the hearts and minds of many.

So glad I didn't miss this post...it would have been my loss.

:)

[Heather]

Well... that was... an absolute testament to your grandmother and a beautiful sentiment to share with us. Thank you.
I too wear my grandmother's wedding rings, she passed away while I was pregnant with my daughter who we named an "E" name after her.
She taught me to love God, took me to church and at her funeral as her favorite hymn was sung " How Great Thou Art," my shoulders were lifted and I smiled and shed no more tears because Grandma was with her creator.
Thank you for warming my heart and ending my day with such beauty!

[nottryingforaboy]

You've moved me to tears.

I was extremely close with my grandma. She died when I was 6 weeks pregnant with my first born who is now 5. It still saddens me that they never met.

[Holly Smith]

I love you even more, Shannon! What a testimony of love and faithfulness--not only on your part, but also on your Grandmother's. What a woman she must have been for you to have her so fully on your mind and heart on a day that usually is just for the bride. Thank you for loving her like that--looks a lot like Christ to me. I hope I am that kind of Grandmother; really, I pray that I am.

[Runningamuck]

Beautiful. I could picture the scene perfectly in my mind (although you were wearing my wedding dress hope you don't mind. lol) and was thinking what a wonderful picture the two of you must have made. Did anyone snap a quick one for you? The details, both physical and emotional, would have been breathtaking.

Thank you for the sharing such an intimate moment.

[Ann Voskamp @ Holy Experience]

So it is: the ache and the beauty, the goodbyes and the beginnings, the losses and the gains, all mingling down to water a life. Beautiful, friend...

He's grown good, good things in you, Shannon. I can see Grandma happily smiling from ear to ear over your fruit, this life and Him you're squarely focusing on.

Yes, isn't it so? Life is this bowl of cherries bestowed, pit part of the sweet. And only He would dream up redeeming the pits for another pie orchard, for a someday generation. Always using all for good, wasting nothing.

Good to walk with you, Shannon, through this rain, wet and good, He sends...

All's grace,
Ann

[sandy]

Thank you for sharing Shannon. So beautiful ...
That is how I felt toward my Mother who left when my youngest was a baby.
Sometimes it's hard to believe ...

[Vicky]

Thank you for sharing this story, Shannon.

This is one of my biggest fears. I am the oldest grandchild, and my grandma and I have a special bond. She is still healthy, but I so want her to be at my wedding one day and meet my children... and I worry that she might not. I can't imagine my life without her... When my mom (her daughter) died 11 years ago, my grandma's role became even more important in my life.

I know that God will carry me through that loss one day... I just hope it's still a long way off.

[Jennifer, Snapshot]

Oh, Shannon--the fact that you can create such beautiful writing as a result of this sorrow is a testament.

Did you perhaps call her Mammaw? Instead of hijacking this comment section with all the thoughts that your post brought up, I wrote my own.

Here's the link:
http://jennifersnapshot.blogspot.com/2008/06/mammaw.html

[Rebecca]

What a beautiful and precious tribute to your Grandma, Shannon. Thank you so much for sharing.

[Lucy]

What a beautiful story.

My grandmother gave my husband her wedding rings to use when we got married. It means so much to me to wear rings that were worn for 52 years and symbolize a marriage that lasted through joy and pain, love and heartache, until my grandfather's death. My grandma danced at my wedding, but died the next year, a month before the birth of my first child - her first great-grandchild.

Seven years later I still miss her and sometimes drive past her house to cry and remember living with her for two years before I got married. She was an amazing woman and I was blessed to have her in my life.

Thanks a lot for making me cry! LOL!

[Mandy]

Nothing like a good cry first thing in the morning. The same thing happened to me & my great grandmother except it was H.S. graduation.

I also wear her wedding band.

Beautiful post.

[W. Mark Whitlock]

Beautiful! And by the way, some high praise from Lysa TerKeurst

[Michelle- This One's for the Girls]

Of all your posts, this is my favorite.

[Amy]

Wonderful words. I am too reminded of my grandmother and her passing....

What a beautiful way to think of her...

Off to wipe my tears! ;)

[kj]

loveliness.

[Tamara]

What a precious post. It reminds me of this scripture: "This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live." Deuteronomy 30:19.

[Barb]

This is a precious post. Sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with your grandmother.

My Dad's Mom died at the age of 84 1/2 when I had only been married a few years. I was in TX, husband in the AF, I was pregnant and could not travel to go to her funeral. Mother's Mom died 9 years later at the age of 84 1/2 in 1976. My children knew my Mother's Mom and I'm so glad of that.

[Karen Deborah]

I loved my Grandmother too and was very close to her, she lived to be 99. It is so hard to let go of someone so important. That was one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read. This is my first visit to you and I will be back, lovely lovely story from the heart. She trained you well. Paul commends Timothy's grandmother for his upbringing, we grandmothers have an important job to do, and most importantly the love.

[Mrs. Nicklebee]

Thank you for sharing that, Shannon. What a beautiful, bittersweet thing.

[Susan]

This was just so beautiful...

I've never had a grandmother, I can "only imagine'. I'm so glad you went to show her your dress!

I'll never forget this story, ever.

[jubilee]

It is interesting, isn't it that the joys and sorrows are all tangled up together in so many of life's events and milestones?

A tender, touching story, thank you for sharing it.

[Cheri C]

Less than six weeks ago, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and she had a cancerous brain tumor removed. I am having a very hard time with it all. Mostly because she is so close to my children. My daughter is 10 and unless the Lord performs a miracle, my mom won't be at my daughter's wedding, either.

My mom takes my daughter to get pedicures. She buys her cute clothes and takes all the kids on cool vacations (along with my dad). She is an amazing grandma. And has been an amazing mother all of my life.

I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. Just sitting here bawling and typing. Thank you so much for this post. I loved it.

[Cheri C]

Less than six weeks ago, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and she had a cancerous brain tumor removed. I am having a very hard time with it all. Mostly because she is so close to my children. My daughter is 10 and unless the Lord performs a miracle, my mom won't be at my daughter's wedding, either.

My mom takes my daughter to get pedicures. She buys her cute clothes and takes all the kids on cool vacations (along with my dad). She is an amazing grandma. And has been an amazing mother all of my life.

I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. Just sitting here bawling and typing. Thank you so much for this post. I loved it.

[Tami Fox]

Shannon, your story brought back the memories of my own wedding. I had a similar experience when I got married, except it was my great-grandfather who was sick. On the morning of my wedding there was great discussion on who was going to the wedding and who was going to sit by my great-grandfather's side. He also passed away three days after our wedding. We did cut our honeymoon short in order to be at the funeral. So I understand having great joy and geat pain tied up in one memory.

--Tami

[Sheri]

Beautiful...thanks for sharing.

[Melissa]

This was beautiful! My 3 year old wants to know why im sitting at the computer crying ;)
My second daughter was born two days before my grandfathers b-day who passed a few months before she was born. They say one must go for another to come.

[Amy Caroline]

Shame on you, making a pregnant lady cry.
That was beautiful and thank you for sharing it. My grandma, God bless her soul, died only a few months after I gave birth to my first child. I always weave those events together, just as you have, both joy and pain, but knowing that she is looking out for us all, and maybe especially after my edlest daughter.

[bee]

I just read this for the umpteenth time. It is absolutely a beautiful post. I think it may be one of my favorites here!

[Koryn Hutchison]

As I sit here bawling my eyes out, I just have to say you are such a fantastic writer. When is your book coming out! My own grandma passed away in January of this year, 3,000 miles away from me. My military husband and I have lived far from her ever since our wedding day. Because I wasn't there it hardly seems real to me still. I suppose it will feel that way until I see her grave site. She gave me a grandmother clock (the mummy style rounded top-type) from her antique collection last year. It was shipped out here to the east coast but it stopped working somewhere in the transition. I recently received a small inheritance from her estate and plan to use some of it to repair the clock so I can hear it chime and remember sitting in her living room listening to it, hearing the click clocking of over 40 antique clocks in her home, and knowing that....time marches on.

[Amber (Bringing Good Home)]

What a beautiful relationship you had with your grandmother. A lovely and love-filled tribute to her.

[Amanda]

Wow. I have such a lump in my throat from reading this. What a touching story. What a mix of emotions you must have had during that time.

[Jennifer H.]

Ok, now that I'm done sobbing like a baby!! What a poignant post! It brought back so many memories of my grandmother. I lost her in 2004. She was my very best friend and I lost a part of me the day she died. It makes me sad that she'll never see me get married or have children. At 32, I'm beginning to wonder if either will happen. :-) Thank you for being so honest on your blog and sharing a part of your life with us.

[Rebecca]

My mother-in-law died three months after my husband and I got married. I wear HER husband's wedding band, which she wore after his death in 1993 (I think it was) until two weeks before she died and gave it to my husband, on the "other side" of my engagement ring.

[Patty]

That was such a beautiful and touching story. I too know how sad it is too lose someone at a happy time. It makes that a part of your life that more special.