Life and Death

I wore a wedding dress to my grandmother's death bed.

She had been diagnosed with bone cancer only a month before my wedding.  She went, very suddenly, from being a happy and active participant in the wedding plans, to lying in a bed in a back bedroom of her home, hospice workers quietly shuffling in and out of the room.  How we all had prayed she could somehow be at the wedding, in a pretty dress, in her rightful place of honor. 

But she couldn't. 

My entire life, she had been front and center at all my happiest memories.  She taught me to paint my nails.  She let me use her giant Buick to learn how to drive.  She bought me a new dress when Hubs asked me out on our first big date.  The day I knew I loved him, she was one of the first people I called. 

And yet here she was, on my wedding day, barely hanging on to life.  We left our reception as fast as we could, so determined was I to see her on this day of all days.  The yards of taffeta rustled as I tiptoed into her room and sat down next to her bed.  Her eyes were closed.

"I'm here," I whispered, and I told her about the day.  I told her how handsome my husband looked.  I told her how he kissed me.  I told her about the bridesmaid dresses and the birdseed toss and who caught the bouquet, and I told her that I carried her mother's Bible with me that day.  I told her who all was there, and how good the cake was, and how happy I was, and how much I loved her, and how very, very much a part of this she still was. 

And as I leaned over to kiss her forehead, a few pieces of stray birdseed, still stuck to my dress, sprinkled gently onto her gown.

What a picture we must have been in that moment.

The start of one life and the end of another.

A beginning and a goodbye.

Life and death.

I left her bedside reluctantly.  My new husband and my new life awaited.  Just as I knew in my heart I was telling her goodbye, I knew she would want me to focus squarely ahead.  So I did. 

She died three days later, while I was still on my honeymoon.  Just as she would've wished, my family did not call to tell me, knowing there would be time for mourning when I returned.  But before they buried her, my mother took one of the pink roses from my bridal bouquet and pressed it in my grandmother's hand. 

Today, my own hand wears her wedding band, nestled against my own.

It's been a strange and precious blessing over the years, my grandmother's death and my own wedding bound so tightly together.  I look at her ring on my hand and think of the sweetness and sadness that life sometimes serves to us on the same plate.

I wouldn't separate them if I could. 

Comments

[Dawn W]

Well, I just boohoo'ed like a big 'ole baby while reading this.

Both of my grandmother live in another state and both are in failing health. I'll be leaving a week from today to go back to Ohio with my children to visit my parents, grandparents, sister and cousins. I fear this may be the last time I see my grandmothers.

Thank you for the beautiful post!

[Yvie]

This is one of the most sincere and honest blogs I have read. I love this entry Dawn.

Thank you for sharing. This made me miss my grandmother a lot. She's got to be one of the people I know who wears a happy face all the time.

[JanMary, N Ireland]

Beautiful sentiments and your love for her shines through. Wonderful bitter sweet memories. Thanks for sharing.

I never knew my grandmothers, as both died when I was small, but I love to watch my Mum with my daughters - it is a very precious and special relationship. I would have loved to have known them through more than old photos and other peoples memories.

Heaven is going to be great!

[World's Greatest Mommy]

Shannon, how beautiful.

I was contemplating, just today, how strange it is to have so many of my sad moments all mixed up in my joy, and you illustrated it perfectly for me.

What a beautiful perspective, and a touching reminder.

[Julie]

That was so beautiful. I mourn so that my grandfather didn't live to see my babies born and that my grandmother didn't live to see my daughter who is now 5. She so would have enjoyed her. It teaches me to cherish the moments my kids have with THEIR grandparents and to make those times a priority.

[chilihead]

This is one of your finest posts, my friend. I know you understand how wonderful it is that the women in your life have been such amazing role models for you and were so supportive. I love hearing those memories--in person and here.

[Jaime Chase]

This entry touched me and is so very similar to my story with my grandmother who died while I was pregnant with my youngest daughter. We were very close...

Beautiful story. I'm so glad you wrote this.

~Jaime (ChaseNKids)
www.ChaseNKids.com

[Dawn]

What a beautiful post and tribute to your grandmother! She seems to have taught you lots of wonderful life giving lessons!

I still remember my grandma's. One died when I was 5, the other when I was 6 years old but I still remember them and the little things we used to do together like go to Dairy Queen or watch Wheel of Fortune.

Thank you for writing this dear one.
God bless your new week ahead!

Dawn

[This Military Mama]

My grandma is so close to my heart as well. She lived with us since I was a baby and practically raised me. She was my constant companion at every family event. When she was in the hospital for two weeks after a terrible fall I slept in a chair by herside everynight while I was 6 and a half months pregnant.

I named my daughter after her.

It's a beautiful story. I can image those moments by her side telling her all about your beautiful day. I am sure you treasure them very much.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

[rachel anderson]

joy in sorrow...sorrow in joy...touching

[Lysa TerKeurst]

Oh sweet friend... this was simply beautiful. When you write your book, this is your voice.

Tender but not sappy. Honest but not preachy.

The sign of a great writer is one who can show a story rather than tell it.

And this was a beautiful showing.

[AmyDe]

This post should have come with a warning. I never knew my own grandparents, but those are the stories I know we would have had. Thank you for sharing.

[Kari]

Thank you for sharing that tender and touching post...

[kristen]

What a wonderful and heart rendering post. I know my own grandmother's death was like that, beautiful and gut wrenching at the same time. I love how everything was done as your grandmother would've wanted with no regrets. Just wonderful!

[Louise]

I was named for my great-grandmother ... when I was pregnant with my daughter I wore Gram's ring when mine got too small ... thinking about her strength and humor helped me through labor ... and now my little girl also carries Gram's name as part of her own, a family tradition I hope caries into yet further generations. So many families today are so separated from past generations ... thank you for this beautifully bittersweet story, a reminder of the very great importance of family.

[Jenn]

That was a beautiful post. I've been thinking alot about family and the life cycle lately. I have two aunts in hospital who may not make it out, my sister JUST gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on Friday, and I am carrying our second child. These events really do make one think about life and death.

[mimi2six]

Gally would love this, Shannon. Her illness, your wedding, and then her death had us on a roller coaster of emotions. God faithfully saw us through those days. Thank you for writing this so beautifully; you have truly honored her.

[Amy]

What an amazing story! I can't even imagine how much it meant to your grandmother that you came to her in your wedding dress. What a testimony to the wonderful relationship you had with her that seeing her was one of you priorities on your wedding day. I'm sure that is a memory you'll treasure until you see her again.

[Llama Momma]

Shannon -- Oh, how often the bitter and the sweet have mingled together in my own life! There is a raw beauty to this scene with your grandmother that cuts right to the heart of life. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[From Dawn Till Rusk]

That actually brought a real tear to my eye - and that's no mean feat for an old cynic like me.
Also made me hunt out photos of my nana who died before she ever met my children, a big regret in my life.

[R.L.Scovens]

That was a beautiful post. How sad and wonderful at the same time.

[gretchen from lifenut]

Beautiful!

[Blessed]

A beautiful tribute

[Lori]

Precious. That was probably the sweetest blog I've ever read. Almost had me in tears. I too remember the last time I was with my grandma...many years ago. And I remember on my wedding day wishing she was there. Ahhh the sweet memories you've brought back! Thanks!

[We are THAT family]

That was so beautiful. You are so blessed to have such a heritage and memories.

A horrible family split separated me from my Grandma as a child.

I just recently found her. She is 84 and alone. I've sent pictures of my kids and letters. And called her. God is in it.

[Jennifer (Et Tu?)]

Wow, what an amazing post. I think this is one of the best descriptions of the beauty of a family that I've ever read.

[Katrina (Callapidder Days)]

Oh Shannon, this was so touching. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

[Tootie]

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful post with us!

[boomama]

Absolutely beautiful.

[Libby]

Shannon, thank you for the heartfelt post. I wear my grandmother's wedding band, too...the one she wore while married to my grandfather for 65 years. She passed away two months before I became engaged to my husband and her absence was a loss on my wedding day, even though I feel her with me still. Thank you for sharing.

[Jenny]

Beautiful.

[Tracey]

YOUR GRANDMOTHER MUST BE VERY PROUD OF YOU! THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL POST!!! YOU MADE ME CRY!!!

[KD (A Bit Squirrelly)]

Beautiful. She I am sure contiues to watch you and be a part of your accomplishments.

The day my grandmother passes will be a day that I will never forget either...

[so NOT cool]

Beautiful and sad.

[kelly s.]

Oh my, what a lovely and touching story. I only hope I can leave a legacy like this to my children and grandchildren!
Thanks for the beautiful story.
Kelly S.

[Traci]

WOW! What a wonderful story. One to share with your grandchildren some day! Thanks for sharing!

[Lindsay]

That was a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing this very personal moment in your life. It touched me so deeply. I am sure your grandmother is very proud of where you are today and all that you do.

[Alyce]

Your story was very moving. You have fond memories. I was close to my grandmother too. She lived till she was 90 years old, she died 17 months ago. It was expected, but still just very hard. I had a Christmas wedding and she was there with her bright Christmas red dress on..she always had to be the best dressed..and she usually was. My husband and I got married on the same date that my grandma and grandaddy did..and they were married for over 50 years, so I can only pray that we will follow their path. Today, I have a set of my grandmother's wedding rings. I proudly wear them!
Thanks for sharing..
Alyce

[The Roost]

Very touching....I pray i will be that kind of grandmother. What a blessing to have her in your life!

[Anna]

That is one of the most beautiful things I've read, too many tears today between your blog and audreycaroline.blogspot.com My Great Aunt missed my wedding, my own grandmothers long gone, she filled that role, and she filled it perfectly. She bought my dress for me, as she did for my mother. I would have done anything to have her there on the day, I DID everything I could to have her there on the day. I visited her 4 days later. I took her my bouquet, and brought my dress out. We looked through my photographs, she was so happy, and so was I. I lost her less than 2 months later.

[Amy A]

You write with such great heart. This is one of your best posts of all time. It's simply beautiful. Thanks for sharing those memories with us.

[Jessica]

What a beautiful post.

[Michelle]

Touching, beautiful post.

[Erin K.]

What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[Lindsay]

I never get teary eyed reading blogs, and I almost cried reading this. It reminds me so much of the last moments with my grandmother, a woman like yours who helped to shape me into who I am today. Thank you for sharing this and reminding me of the importance of family.

[Fran]

Oh Shannon...that was just beautiful. I would have loved to had my grandmother as a part of our wedding. She died while I was in college. I still miss her so much.

Thank you for sharing.
Have a great day friend!

[Beth]

I never knew my grandparents but wow - what a beautiful post...

[Stephanie]

Shannon, that was lovely. Thanks for sharing it that with us.

[The (Almost) Amazing Mammarino]

Beautiful, Shannon. Your grandmother must have been such a special lady.

I can relate to not being able to attend my own grandmother's funeral (the only grandmother I ever knew.) When I was 20, I was attending a music camp about 7-8 hours away. A counselor came to get me during supper to tell me I had a phone call. I knew.

I wanted to come to the funeral, but my mom begged me not to because it was so far away. I stayed at camp for her sake because she was under so much stress and I knew she didn't need the additional burden of worrying about my arriving there safely.

I was blessed to have spent 3 weeks with my grandmother before leaving for camp. It gave my mother a sorely needed break, and those last moments with her were simply precious to me. I also was able to spend time with my great aunt, grandmother's sister, who had never married and had lived with her sister for her entire life. I knew she would be lonely after Grandmother died, so I lived with her the entire summer the following year. I have the most precious memories of my 84-year-old roommate!

[Sheri]

I know exactly how you felt. My grandmother actually dies on the morning of our wedding. We knew she wasn't going to be able to make it to the weeding and was going to pass on at any time. However, she was able to "be" at the wedding with the best seat of all.

[Kelly @ Love Well]

Beautiful writing, Shannon. That lead sentence is a grabber.

[Becky Day]

Losing grandparents you are so fond of is very difficult! It's such a special relationship that the Lord gives us. I was close to my Dad's mom and loved her so much. I still miss her so much. It saddens me that she never knew my children!
Thanks for sharing!
Becky @ 4 Days in a Week

[Tamara Cosby]

That is one awesome post...thank you!

[MArian]

That was beautiful.

[Minnesotamom]

Beautiful post, Shannon.

[Beth_C]

That was beautiful. Simply beautiful.

[Carrie]

Mkay, you really need to post tissue warnings...I'm crying and have no idea where the kleenex are!!!!!

What a beautiful tribute to your Grandma...

[Cheryl]

Simply beautiful...your memories and the way you've so artfully described them. I'm confident your grandmother is smiling.

[Marie]

That was beautiful, I lost my grandmother around the time my son was born. It was bittersweet. She got to see him and spend some time getting to know him and even gave me advice on changing diapers and such. I loved her very much and thank God for that quality time we did have.

[aimee]

Oh my goodness you had my crying from the first line. This is so beautiful. What a gift her life was to you and yours to her.

[jen]

Oh, no! I'm crying into my bowl of Special K.

What a sweet, sweet post! Thank you for the reminder of how sweet life (and grandparents) is!

[Tracye]

My mother-in-law went with my two kids and me to my husband's graduation from the FBI National Academy last Friday. It was a loooong trip, and yesterday, on the two-hour car ride home from the airport, we talked a lot. We talked about our grandmothers and how much they meant to us. I teared up just thinking about her, and how much I still miss her. I was married on the one year anniversary of her death. So each anniversary I celebrate is one more year she's been gone. I'm crying as I type this, and it's been twelve 1/2 years since she died. I love this post.

[Donna]

Precious.

[Mrs. N]

That was beautiful and tugged my heart so. Thank you for sharing.

[Maria P]

What a beautiful story!

[Ronnica]

Thank you for sharing. I'm working on holding in the tears as I write.

[Neurotically Yours!]

Beautiful story - even thought it made me cry!

[Kristenkj]

What a beautiful story. Both of my grandmothers passed away before I could have this type of relationship with them. For that I am so sad. It is nice to hear about your relationship. And it helps me to remember what I want for my daughter, and how I can encourage her relationship with my own mother, and mother in law.

[Linda]

i am wearing my mother's ring set. she died in 94 before i was married. thank you for a beautiful post and gentle reminder of the marks in our life that change us and grow us and are part of molding us into who HE wants us to be.

[Sheila]

I too have two events tied together, my great-grandmothers death and the birth of my first child. You articulated so beautifully the feelings I have had but could not put them into words. THANK YOU

[Marie]

What a wonderful tribte to your Grandmother.

[Liz]

*trembling* We just pray every day that the next time I see my precious Grandma isn't the last time.

[GiBee]

The very same thing happened with my sister-in-law (my hubby's sister). My husband and I were the ones to drive them to the airport, but before they left to change, we stopped by the nursing home where my husband's grandmother was so she could see my SIL in her wedding gown. We all gathered next to her to hold her hand, hug her, kiss her, and share special moments from the day as we stood in our gowns and tuxedos with her. It wasn't long after that she passed away.

The bond between a grandmother and a granddaughter is truly special, isn't it?

[Queen B]

This is a beautiful post. Your grandmother was such a blessing. Such a sweet lady.

When my grandfather died just before my daughter was born, I remember feeling that God protected my heart by surrounding my sadness with the joy of new life.

I thought the same about your grandmother.

I didn't know about the rose. It brought out the kleenex!!

[Vickie]

Shannon,
I read this with tears and memories flooding my heart. My precious grandmother was buried 2 days before my wedding. I remember pulling away from the cemetary and my Dad says, "Now we have a wedding to get ready for!" He was trying to be upbeat. This was my first grandparent to pass and it was very difficult. I remember rushing to the hospital with my wedding portraits in hand to show her the day she died.

Then the day of my wedding my Dad had an emergency appendectomy. He was so ill and they had to do surgery and could not wait until the next day. We went to the hospital after the wedding to see him. Reading your post about the birdseed spilling out reminded me of that very thing happening when I leaned over to kiss my precious Daddy who had missed his oldest childs wedding due to circumstances beyond his control.

Thanks for sharing your beautiful story. I wished I would have read it at home tonight since I am a crying mess at work right now.

Beautiful and eloquent as always.
Blessings,
Vickie

[Andi S]

Such a beautiful and bittersweet memory.

We have a similar memory. My husband's Grandmother passed away a few months before we got engaged. His Grandfather had Parkinson's and which progressed rapidly after his wife died. On our wedding day we had hoped that he would be able to join us, but it just didn't work out. So instead, in full wedding dress and tux, we drove to the nursing home before the reception to go visit him. We made so many people smile that day. And I know that he loved to see us as he sat in his wheelchair. He cried and told my husband how beautiful I was. He passed away a few months later.

Weddings fly by in a blur, but that is one part of that day that I will never forget

[Kim]

This brought tears to my eyes, for you, and for me. Memories came flooding back of my own wedding. It took place in room 444 on the hospice floor of our local hospital. My sister and I married our loves in a double wedding while our mom looked on from her hospital bed. She fought valiently for another month and then went home to the Lord.

[Big Mama]

My grandfather died a month after my wedding, so I related to this so much.

Beautiful writing, Shannon. Just beautiful.

[Penny Raine]

my dad died the day before my wedding anniversary, my mom said she was so sorry that it would bring negative memories, but like yours it isn't negative at all

blessings, Penny Raine
http://www.pennyraine.com/blog

[whittakerwoman]

Beautiful! H

[Nic]

Wow..

[Laura]

Thank you for sharing this. There is not a day that goes by that I don't find my Grandmother - in the flowers blooming in the front yard or the chirping of the birds. Or in little words of wisdom that she shared with my daughter. Today I have found her right here. Thank you.

[windy]

Beautiful! I can hardly type for the tears. I was also very close to my grandmother who passed away while I was expecting my 2nd child. She is so like my grandmother and I know that they would love each other so much and have a special bond. I feel my daughter got cheated, not being able to know her 'twin'.

[pippi]

I totally agree. My prom date and the couple we doubled with graciously agreed to stop at the hospital on the way to the prom so my beloved grandmother could see me in the dress she helped to make. My mother for reasons unknown to me decided to bury my gram on my 19th birthday. I was angry for years, but now my birthday also reminds me of Gram and that's a good thing. One of the biggest regrets in my life was that my son was born after my husbands and my parents had passed away. He missed that special relationship with a grandparent that has meant so much in my own life.

[Cindy]

Oh man, you should have had a big Kleenex alert at the top of this story!! It really is a beautiful story! Now...as I try to dry my eyes & make the horrible redness go away.

[Alicia]

That is so sweet. My pappy told me when I was a girl that he wanted to dance at my wedding. I still missed him at my wedding eleven years later. I'm grateful to have my grandma still, and I, too, have a daughter named after her.

[Renna]

What a bittersweet, but mostly sweet, story.

[Dani]

That was so beautifully written. Thank you for sharing, Shannon.

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about my father dying on my brother's wedding day. I truly believe he did that so he could be there in spirit, because he certainly couldn't have been there otherwise.

The circle of life, and God's intervention in how it works, is an amazing thing.

[Jennifer]

Absolutely precious.

[Mamacita]

This is so beautiful. My grandmother died not on the day of my wedding, but the same year, so this brings back a lot of memories for me.
Thank you for sharing this.

[Angie @ Many Little Blessings]

Very moving! What a beautiful posting and tribute to your grandmother!

[Amy]

Thanks for sharing. That was beautiful. My makeup is now all over my face...

My SIL got married this weekend, and her grandfather is not doing well. He was able to make it to the wedding, and both of them had tears in their eyes when he walked into the room. It was so incredibly touching.

[Marcy Massura-The Glamorous Life]

I was not prepared to cry today....but oh the visuals of all this. So precious, horrible and wonderful life is all at once.

[Owlhaven]

Lovely, Shannon!

mary

[Happy Mommy]

My grandma raised me. She is in the hospital right now, although not on deaths door, she still is not well. Your story rings so true in my mind. Thank you for sharing!

[shanna]

Ugh, crying into my keyboard at work. This was really touching. I truly love what you write and I always feel a connection to you. But how am I supposed to sneek in my blog reading while I'm at work if you make me cry?? I'm just kidding, thanks for a great post!

[Laura@heavenlyhomemakers]

This is beautiful, Shannon. Thank you for sharing.

[Heather Beckley]

This just breaks my heart. It brought tears to my eyes. I feel your pain, I just lost my "Bagaw" 3 weeks ago. It hurts so much that sometimes it consumes me. We were very close and I miss her dearly. She passed away on vacation so I didn't get to sit by her hospital bed, I so wanted to. I feel that since I didn't get to see her, to say goodbye, that she's not really gone. It's almost like I'm still waiting for her to come home. Thank you for your post.

[Angela]

Simply beautiful and so touching... you are blessed in so many ways.

[Sandra~My Inspired Heart]

Oh, the tears... and the memories of my own precious grandmother....thank you for a beautiful post.