What I'd Like For You To Know: The Mom Of an Only Child

Welcome back to the What I'd Like For You To Know series, in which I've invited some women to share some common struggles, misconceptions and victories about their particular life circumstances (for the complete series, click here.)  Last time we heard from Jenni, a mom of twelve.  It seemed fitting today to hear from a mom of an only child.  And I knew the perfect person to ask.  The Queen B, the mom of a delightful ten-year-old daughter, happens to be one of my oldest friends.  She is a wise and witty mother, and I know you'll enjoy hearing her perspective.

I am so honored that Shannon has asked me to tell you a little bit about being the mom of an only child. I’m also a little bit bewildered. I know of many other moms of only children that could express it much more eloquently.

Though I do have to say that being an only child who is the mother of an only child, I might have a certain expertise in all things only child.

Oh, I’m kidding. It just means my frame of reference is rather small.

And normal sibling fights really freak me out.

I didn’t plan on having just one child. After two miscarriages prior to the birth of our daughter, my husband and I both felt that we would never “plan” another pregnancy. We were so incredibly grateful for a healthy baby that we didn’t dare ask for more. Knowing, however, that God is bigger than our fears, we left it in His hands. And almost 11 years later, we have one child.

Without hesitation I can say that I feel as blessed today as I did on the day our daughter was born. I am so thankful for her.

I can also say that I have really enjoyed being an only child. My childhood was phenomenal. I had lots of friends and never felt lonely.

(Did you hear the collective sigh of relief from only child parents across the World Wide Web?)

Now let’s get to the good stuff.

We must get this out of the way: An only child gets more presents than multiple children.

It is just a fact. Even though less money is spent on toys and books and clothes, all of the goodie goes to one person.

An only child’s toy box is often the envy of her peers. And the cause of great frustration of her peers’ parents.

There are a few other facts that must be addressed…

Only children get more one-on-one time with their parents.

There are only three people in the house. It is unavoidable.

It costs less to go out to eat with one child. Groceries cost less. Pretty much everything costs less.

An only child will never have to share a room…or anything else for that matter.

It is just simple logic, not a ploy for world dominance. (Though I think we have all known a few only children that were, in fact, making a play for world dominance.)

Those are just the facts. They can’t be helped.

Well, maybe that present thing can be helped. We’ll work on that.

I think there are some generalizations about only children and their parents, however, which are not always true.

We are not all raising spoiled brats. We do not want our daughter to feel entitled to anything. She is taught to love her friends. She is taught that part of loving her friends is showing kindness to their siblings.

In fact, our daughter really enjoys her friends’ siblings--sometimes more than the friends themselves.

But that is quite possibly due to 10-year-old girl drama.

Raising a respectful and conscientious child is just as important to me as it is to you.

Another assumption is that an only child is the loneliest kid on the block.

Not true. Our daughter enjoys spending time with children, but she also enjoys spending time with adults. And though it may seem crazy in a few years, right now she enjoys spending time with her parents.

I suppose that could go back to the presents…

There seems to be a theory that parents of only children are completely selfish.  They had their token child for a tax deduction.  They wanted a child but didn’t really want their lives to be changed.

Honestly, this is probably the belief that frustrates me the most.  The majority of only child parents that I know have very serious reasons for having one child. 

Many struggled for years with infertility.  A few had traumatic pregnancies.  Perhaps they’ve been widowed.  Or abandoned.  Some waited years for a baby and another child just isn’t possible.

And I even know a few that carefully considered what their life might look like with more than one child and they just knew it was more than they could handle. 

It is not always their choice and to insinuate otherwise is cruel.

Now I am stepping off of my soapbox. 

I’d like to mention a few other thoughts for your consideration.

Parents are their only child’s primary source of entertainment.  You know how you can send your children outside to get out of your hair?

Not so much for us. 

Nor can we send them to play a board game, hide and seek or catch.

(Just ask my mom about my imaginary friend and I playing catch.  There may or may not have been a shattered glass door involved.  Kelly was much better at playing school.)

Raising one child is 24/7.  Just as raising multiple children is 24/7.  All parents have the same number of hours in their day.  We all make good choices and bad choices of how we use those hours.  I think it’s best that we all encourage one another—no matter the number of children.

Parents of only children constantly worry that their kid has been ripped off. 

I recently spoke with a mother of an only child who shared with me her guilt over having one child.  She was 40 when her daughter was born, and was not able to have other children.  I could tell that her guilt was a very present part of her life. 

I totally understand that feeling.  Even though I’m at peace with having just one child, I sometimes worry whether or not it is best for her.

My child will never have a sibling bond.  She will never know the joy of being protected by her big brother or the laughter of two sisters.  She’ll never learn the give and take of sibling negotiations.

And what in the world will she do if something happens to us?

Assuming it doesn’t, my daughter will have to deal with two wacked out parents someday. Adult only children get the pleasure of being the go-to for their parents. 

I know of which I speak on this one, people. (Love you, Mom.  I’m totally talking about Dad.)

(And Dad, if you are reading this, I’m totally talking about Mom.)

It is just a guess at this point, but caring for aging parents will not be a fun solo activity.

All of our family’s firsts are also our lasts.  My daughter’s first day of kindergarten was the last time we had a child going off to school.

My first child will go to college and I’ll be an empty nester. 

But I’m sure her roommate won’t mind my rollaway cot. 

And I’m excellent with laundry.

All of the hopes and dreams that parents have for their kids? 

I’ve got one shot. 

I’ve also got just one shot to get this parenting thing right.

Bless her heart.

I hesitate to mention this, but here’s another big one... I’m not sure how a parent of an only child survives the loss of that child.

As I was watching the Chapmans on Larry King Live, I heard Mrs. Chapman mention that she had to continue living for her other children.

My heart just drops when I hear things like that.

Actually, my reaction is usually, “Honey, we’ve got to make some babies!”

Oh, I kid. 

Believe me, I kid.

I absolutely believe that God knows the number of all of our days and he has designed each of our families. 

Even little families.

I think that moms of only children sometimes feel a little unworthy.   I think we often feel like half-parents.  Like our experience doesn’t have quite the value of other parents.

I hear these types of things a lot:

“Oh, she can’t relate.  She just has one.”

“Put her down for that job.  She’s just got one child at home.”

“Her house is always perfect because she just has one child.”

My all-time favorite…

“You wouldn’t understand what its like.”

That’s true.  I will never understand what it is like to have a house full of my own laughing children.

But I do have a house full of the laughter of my one precious child.

And that is enough for me.

To read more of The Queen B's posts, click here. 

Comments

[The Roost]

Excellent post. Very will said and you made me think about only children in a totally different way!! I stand guilty of many of the things you spoke about.....I will be changing that now though :0)

My best friend, who is an only child ask me to sit with her today at her mothers funeral. It was one of the biggest honors I have ever had. Sometimes those friends can be closer than a biological sister any day.

Thank you for taking the time to think through this so well & funny!

[Shan]

Thank you for this. All so very very true!

[harper]

I am an only, and this article struck home. As it happens, I was somewhat lonely as a child, but more because I'm a geek, so the other kids around didn't like me. At the same time I was blessed with a SAHM and a father who worked from home, so I had far more time with my parents than most of my peers. My parents got to influence me with their interests and tastes in ways that most parents don't, and they got to skip out on "teen rebellion" nightmares for their effort.

My only regret, and the reason I hope to have multiple children, is that I also married an only, so our children won't have any aunts or uncles (I have 7). And that seems really weird to me. So I kind of feel bound to make sure my grandkids do have an extended family, since my children can't.

[Carrie]

You brought up a lot of good points. I was one of six kids, and loved it. I also have a good friend who was an only child, and she loved that.
I don't believe parental guilt over having one child is productive. There is no reason for the guilt. If parents choose to have one child, that is their business,and no one else's. And, if they have one child because of infertility, once again, it is no one's business but their own. I am always amazed at the way total strangers feel as if they have to comment on what a parent should or shouldn't be doing regarding family size.

As a teacher, I have seen many kids, both ones with siblings and ones without. They all turn out just fine.

[Amy]

I had the best of both worlds - tons of half/step brothers and sisters but raised as an only child. I LOVED being an only child :) You have spoken for us so beautifully - I just wanted to thank you :) No, we're not all spoiled brats. Amen sister!

[cheri]

Thank you so much for this. It was ALL what I needed to hear today, knowing I'm not alone raising an "only child" for now. Our son will be 13 when we, God willing, bring home our daughter from China.

[Lizzie]

Thank you for sharing this. We have an only right now. I'm not sure if God will bless us with more.
We've had extenuating circumstances that have prevented conception;).

I appreciate your sharing the things people say that hurt.
I get the "Oh you do such fun things in homeschool because you only have one."
Or that I'm not a "real" homeschooler because I only have one.
Stuff like that is just not helpful is it?

[rebekah]

We have just had a child. our first. our only? it's in discussion but the chances are she is our only. I'm savoring every sweet moment, every laugh, cry, shoulder snooze, and even laughing at every explosive poop, knowing it may not ever happen again.

My husband is an only child, and like you, had a great childhood. The thing about taking care of aging parents is that we HOPE she will find herself in a living relationship one day where she will have a spouse to help her. so while she is "alone" she's not really alone.

We have chosen this, not because of fertility problems, but becuase we are thinking of hte kind of life we want her to have, and the kind of lives we choose to lead. we are simple people, in that we don't wear fancy clothes (gap and old navy are for us) our home is "decorated" from ikea , and it is quite small. We realyl enjoy traveling and want our daughter to grow up seeing the world, and we know having more children would make the costs skyrocket, and in turn, reduce the opportunites we could provide for her. I think I'm about to make a post about this on my blog...

[Melanie]

Bravo! I am an only child with an only child. You said so many things I can relate to. Thanks for sharing!

[Christina Z]

I once heard that you are not a true parent until you have 3 kids because then they outnumber the parents. As the oldest of 5 I kinda agreed with it mostly because I LOVED being from a (semi) big family. Now my husband and I have one precious 3 year old daughter (and may not have more because of health) and that statement comes back to haunt me all the time. So does the possibility of losing her (like Steven Curtis Chapman's precious daughter's death) But Queen definitely said it right that God has our days numbered. Thank you

[Kim]

If I had a dollar for everytime I got "the look" from other mothers when I say we are a "one and done" family, my 7-year old son's college education would already be paid for!

Our son is happy as a clam with his family size. When we ask if he would like to have a brother or a sister he looks at us like we are from Mars! He loves his life - and we do too. I don't have an infertility story to tell. We just made a decision that was right for us and haven't looked back since.

Besides having siblings doesn't guarantee anything. I know many brothers and sisters who have nothing in common and as a result, aren't close as adults. We are doing our best to raise him as a respectful, fair, and emphathic young man. That's the best anyone can do, so please leave the judgement and assumptions at home.

[Untypically Jia]

Wow. I can't believe people say things like that to you! I was technically an only child growing up, and so sometimes I don't really understand when my husband and his brother have little fights, but I guess I never will.

Thanks for the insight on how it's like as a parent!

[Mississippi Mama]

I'm an only child and grew up loving it. I don't get the "lonely only" label. I was never lonely! Right now I have one son and I know I will be happy if he's my only child. I don't have room in my heart for another one yet, anyway!

[Nancy]

I have to say when I read this was going to be a post about the mother of an only child I thought "boring"....and I'm ashamed. It was beautiful and my eyes have been opened. Thank you for sharing your precious thoughts. I'll never look at a family with one child the same again. Thank you.

[Anna]

This totally hit home for me! I have only one child, an 8-year-old girl. While I still might have another child someday (let's hope!) this hit me in my heart...every single word of it.

[Inkspot Workshop]

I too am an oly child the mother of a 2.5 year old ball of energy. We would like a 2nd child, but only because I am an only child, but honestly I'm not sure what I'd do with another one;) My childhood too was fun and I credit being an only child for my vivid imagination and artsy side. In the cold of winter, I could not go outside and play with my friends so I became a master at playing board games, alone. I was all 4 players and it was great. Perhaps that also helped me to multi-task or contributed to my Type A personalities:))

[Grateful for Grace]

Thank you so much for sharing!!

[MegnTally@Lonesome Pine]

Great post, B. We were only able to have one child...God's choice. We waited nearly 10 yrs for her!

My now 16 yo only is a wonderful, articulate young lady. We had a foster-dd 2 years her senior for 3 years...so our dd has seen both sides of things--sharing a bedroom, having someone to talk to (or NOT!), sharing her parents and limited $. Those 3 years were great for teaching her a few hard cold facts of life. But now that we're back to one child, she's enjoying the peace of no-drama days.

I worry for her in the aging-parent process as I watch my dear SIL (only child) dealing with this. We'll just have to do some extra planning to assist her as we age.

As a homeschooler, I suffered the "you're not a 'real' parent until you have more than one" comments. Folks don't really mean to be ugly, they just don't think. A lesson that has reminded ME to think before I speak!

[Kathy]

Just another reminder that God gives us the grace sufficient for the children we have. I have the grace for 10 children and this woman has the grace for 1, Shannon has the grace for 4, etc.

[Rebecca]

My husband is 21 years older than I am, closer to my parent's ages than to mine. (I'm 33. My husband is 54. My parents are both in their early 60s.)

I sometimes say that I'll visit my husband and my parents at the same nursing home. I'm only half kidding. It is entirely possible I could be in that situation.

(SOB!)

I'll take care of my husband when he gets old. Who will take care of me? (SOB!) We don't plan on having any kids.

Should I not have married the perfect person for me simply because he was so much older than I? Should we have kids JUST because he's so much older than I am, and it's likely he'll make me a young widow, and who will take care of me?

But if we have kids, what if something happens to him while the kid(s) are still young? What if something happens to me when the kid(s) are still young? Even if we had a baby today, my husband would be in his 70s before the "baby" graduated from high school.

Our age difference isn't the main reason we're not having kids, but it is a factor.

[Jennifer]

I LOVE QUEEN B!!! I'm so glad you had her on your site! I'm 10 weeks pregnant with my first child. While I do hope to have more, you are completely right that God plans even small families. That is something to always keep in mind. Thanks B!

[Sally Parrott Ashbrook]

Beautiful post. I sent it to my husband to read. (We don't have kids yet, but we will at some point.)

[Becki]

Amen and Amen! I could have written this post based on our family, but certainly not as eloquently.:) Thank you so very much for posting this!

[laurie]

Beautifully said.........

Laurie

[Marla Taviano]

This was so, so beautiful. Thank you!!

[Moon HalloranLeady]

wow what a great post. I am an only child born in the 60's and the only child of a divorced mom -- very odd for then. And the kicker is that I was also the only grandchild for the most part as my cousins didn't live anywhere near us. While I don't have just one child (I have two), I get what you say about worrying that your kid will be lonely. And I also just have trouble understanding sibling issues and I refer to their dad for that...we are divorced...and my fiance, who is the youngest of three.

One thing I can say is I definitely was NOT lonely! I had friends galore and I made my own fun. I think it made me who I am today. Even now in my 40's I get overwhelmed by too much interaction, even though I am a social person. I need my quiet time. I think parents get too worried about "socialization" ::shudders:: Honestly that happens no matter what.

And you are right about only kids gettin' all the stuff and being the envy of all their friends. I remember one Christmas when I got a TON of stuff (and srsly I was always really modest about it)...and I would call up my friends....on my OWN phone line, mind you...and ask what they got and they would say oh I got a sweater and a record...and I would be too embarrassed to say that I got 10 records, and 7 sweaters, and my own stereo and OH BTW a computer!!! (which was unheard of in 1980)..and yadda....

I also got to travel all around Europe with my grandparents, which made for WONDERFUL memories and if I had had siblings I don't think that would have happened.

So yeah. I am glad to be an "only." :)

[Stephanie]

I am the mom of an only child, though that wasn't what we'd planned. DH had a catastrophic illness when DD was only 14 months old, and it became clear that there would be no more children and I would have to be the main breadwinner. To have more babies would mean they'd be raised by a babysitter or in day care, since he would not be able to handle a newborn, and that DD would have far too many responsibilities at a very young age. As it was, DH was the stay-at-home parent, and DD never had to be a latchkey kid. That wouldn't have been possible with more than one child.

We've always said that God knew there would be only one, and that He made her mighty near perfect. Her closest friends have been around since elementary school, and they are closer than most siblings. She graduated magna cum laude from college, and from law school--with a little financial help from mom and dad. She can converse with anyone from 2 months to 102 years of age. She is confident, loved, loving, selfless and responsible, a nuturer of living things.

But she is pretty sure she will never marry and have children, and that eliminates our chance to be grandparents--a disadvantage to having only one child. We must be satisfied to have grandpets instead.

On the other hand, as well tease her, when we die, she doesn't have to split "the inheritance".

[Moon HalloranLeady]

hey rebecca up there...please contact me, mkay? I have similar issues but in reverse. My fiance is 17 yrs younger than I and I worry about that stuff too!

hugs...love is ageless, honestly

[The Writer Mama]

I thought that this was very cool. I also have one child and it's been the right choice for us.

Of course, don't ever write a book with the word "Mama" in it if you have one child because people will say:

"So how many children do you have?"

Me: "One...and too many pets."

Them: (silence)

It's okay. You get pretty clear pretty quick that the name sticks no matter how many you have. :)

[Rona]

Mom of one here. We know that our son was a blessing and continues to be so.

[Cheri]

I have two kids, but I think it is supremely rude for people to just assume (usually extremely loudly) that people have only children as a choice. Sometimes it isn't and it's not right for anyone to presume to know what's what.

[Kisha]

As a mom of one I know the looks and words, lol.I know that I get jobs because I only have one but now that I volunter at a preschool I get my fix of having several children at one time, lol.

[Antique Mommy]

Agree with everything you so eloquently stated. You covered it all. As an older mother of an only child, I also worry about leaving Sean with so little family when we are gone - no sibs, very few cousins, most of whom are old enough to be his parents. He will have to make his own family at some point. But I leave it all to God whom I know has his eye on this boy of mine.

[Melissa Eason]

As a parent of an only child, let me say I completly agree with you. We too have one child, not by our choice, but His choice. We've been trying for 6 years now and I think God'd will is for us to have one.
It's funny we have friends that have 3 and 4 children and at times it seems our 1 is as much work as their 3 or 4! It has Blessed us far more than we could have ever imagined. I am content with one, until He thinks otherwise!

[Andrea]

Y'know...

I just brought this up to DH the other night - "Honey, I think that I could be totally happy with just one child." DH IMMEDIATELY looked at me as if I had just sprouted antennae, and started sputtering, "But...but...I thought you wanted 4!I'd like to have at least one more, don't you?" I just shook my head no...maybe it is because we're in the process of moving right now, and it is hard with a bouncy one year old, but man oh man...I'm pooped!

I think that depending on your stage in life, and your family situation, that can color your thinking about having children. Our son, who we love dearly, was a surprise. We weren't trying to have a baby, as I'm trying to finish my Masters' degree. But the Lord had other plans, and it has worked for us. But it is amazing what a difference one year makes. A newborn was hard work; toddlerhood is no easier! I give the moms out there who have 3,4,5 or so that are close together in age a lot of credit - I feel like I'm going to go crazy some days with just one!

I think also, that our family experiences have really molded DH and my thinking - I have one brother, almost 5 years younger than me. I might as well have been an only child. DH has 2 siblings - one full blood, one half-sister from his dad's affair. DH has the same situation with his half sister - she's 5 or 6 years younger than him, and she was at his dad and stepmom's house all the time (DH and I have been together 5 years, and I can tick off on 2 hands how many times I'VE seen her in the past 5 years). DH and his brother lived with my MIL, and they're only 3 years (roughly) apart. They also had step brothers and sisters from my stepfather in law as well, so DH had a total of 6 siblings. He likes kids, likes the big family thing. But I also think that he wants to have a bigger family to prove (to himself?) that we can be different than his Dad and what happened with him growing up.

Either way, whether one has 1 child or 11, they're the same amount of work, they're still a blessing, and it is nobody's business but your own and your husband's how many you choose to have. I just change the topic pretty abruptly if someone asks - it is pretty obvious then that I don't wish to discuss my uterus with them.

It is all in how you raise 'em, as others have said.

[Dragonflygirl]

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post as a Mother to an only daughter who is 7. I find it funny when I pick her up from a first playdate with a new friend and the parents tell me how polite and well behaved she was and they always sound so surprised! Like they totally expected her to be a spoiled brat. When other children act out or misbehave, I never think to myself that it must be because they are a second or third child. I loved when you said that you want a respectful child just like anyone else and I always say the same, that even if I had multiple children, my expectation for their behavior would be the same for all of them. I feel so blessed to have so many one on one moments with my daughter and we have a very close bond because of it. I have many personal reasons for not having more, yes, I would have loved to have had more, but I don't ever ask people why they decided to have two or three children, so why do they feel the right to ask me why I have one? Thanks for bringing humour and insight into your post, it was much enjoyed.

[Scattered Mom]

Thanks for such a great post! As Mom of an only child, I could related to everything you wrote too. I've said the exact same things to people when they've commented on our vacations, Jake's toys, or how much time we spend with him.

His friends often find it a little strange that we spend so much time with him, and at times they seem just a bit jealous.

[erin]

wow. i am an only child with an only child. she is 18 months and i could have another but not sure if i want one. although, my mom is sick and her cancer is making me want to have another baby bc of exactly what you mentioned: what if something happens to me or her dad? i want her to have someone who understands. i would really like a brother or sister right now to share the pain of my moms cancer. anyway i also wanted to comment, i have one child and my house is NEVER clean!!

[Wickett]

I, too, was an only child, and had an AMAZING childhood that I wouldn't change for anything--it was truly wonderful! Thank you so much for this lovely post that brought back some much-loved memories!

[mamatutwo]

What a great post. We have three. I love having three. I'd love to have four. But I often wonder what I did to my second, and what would I do to my third if we had another. For me, as I struggle back and forth with pros and cons and did I mess my kiddos up, I have to see the blessings that they have. Of course, there are drawbacks. I can't just pick the great stuff out of live without having any of the negatives. It all goes together. I guess I have to tell myself more, "Bloom where you're planted!" Thanks for the great post.

[Sally]

It seems that no matter how many children you have, people always seem to think they have the right to "judge" your decision or your circumstances without knowing all the facts of why you may only have one child, or why you may have 6 children....they think that one is not enough and more than 2 or 3 is "too many".......people just need to learn when to keep their mouths shut, but unfortunately, I do not ever foresee that happening....

[Vikki]

We husband and I have only one child together, a wonderful 12yr old boy.

Five years ago though, another wonderful boy came into our lives. My husband has a 10yr old son born to another woman. We have had this son week on, week off for 4yrs.

I love him as if he were my own, because he is my husband's son and my son's brother.

I think my son would say he gets the best of both worlds...he is an only child for a week, getting the undivided attention of his parents and then for a week he has a brother to play, wrestle and fight with.

God ways are so mysteriously perfect.

[Jennifer, Snapshot]

You hit the nail on the head. My children are widely spaced -- aged 10 and 4 -- which has many of the perks of one child and the benefit of a sibling.

We thought that my 10 year old might be an only child (by our choice), and so I questioned every only child I ever met about their upbringing.

I hated it when people said, "Oh you can't just have one! That would be a horrible thing for her!"

Much like your experience, the only children I talked to were mostly happy with their experience. In theory, they wanted brothers or sisters, but in reality that had it pretty good.

[Tracey]

I am the mother of a beautiful 23 year old daughter. She is everything I ever wanted. Happy, healthy, fun and courageous. I had one child because I knew I could raise one child well. I could afford to give one child opportunities and experiences that I couldn't have given two. I could let her be what she wanted to become because I could afford to send one child to the university of her choice. I could give one child the world and in turn I have given the world one incredible woman who will make the world a better place.

[hicham]

heyy aless akllar ich bin hisham du marookoo

[Laura]

I have an only child; I am an only child; and my mother was an only child. Thank you so much for your post - it perfectly articulates what I feel so often!

[Christina @ Northern Cheapskate]

What a beautiful post! I am an only child and I think what you've said is right on!

[Barbara]

My 4 yo daughter has a 31 yo sister and 27 yo brother, so it is like she is an only child. Sometimes I do wish I had had another, but I think that is more for her than me! Family isn't about just living in the same household, it's about building a bond with each other. How many siblings do you know that won't talk to each other for one reason or another? My husband's brother and sister will never speak to each other again. Sure, they had each other growing up, 3 boys and 2 girls, but one boy has died and the others could care less to see each other, even on holidays. The next time they will all be together is when they attend their parent's funeral.
Also, there is no mention of adoption in any posts. There are so many children of all ages that need a home, wouldn't an adopted child make a great sibling?

[Erin]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have written a post about having an only child on my blog in the past, but you said it much better. I have one child by choice, and my heart goes out to the women who had miscarriages and infertility problems.
My choice is dictated by my life. When we would have been thinking about baby #2, Sept. 11th happened. My husband was deployed Oct. 11, and has since been deployed five more times. I made the conscious decision that one child was what I could handle, especially living with depression and anxiety.
I'm sick of people telling me I need to have another child. I won't even get into how pissy that makes me because I could write another million paragraphs.
Thank you again for telling our story, the moms of singletons.
P.S. We tell my son we didn't have more kids because he was perfect and we didn't want to risk having a bad kid. Not the best parenting, but we did luck out with what we think is a pretty cool kid.

[Sarah D with an One and Only]

Thank you SO much or this article! I am the mother of an only - not necessarily by choice at first but we fully embrace that it will be just the three of us.

A lot of what Queen B said rings true to me!

Thank you SO much for putting it out there for everyone to read! I often do feel like a "half parent" or left out because even though our only is 4 we will not be adding to our family (unless it's a furry animal lol).

Thank you so much!

[Pam]

That was wonderful. Thank you for all you said!

[Stretch Mark Mama]

That WAS well written!

One of my friends growing up was an only child, red-headed, AND adopted. I mean, WOW, did SHE ever have the comments aimed at her. :)

[Stephanie]

Your post rang so true. I am an only child. My son is the only child of only children (his father and I are divorced). As much as I long for another child, that may never happen, and that scares me. I don't want to be the only one to deal with my aging parents (even more enjoyable for me is the fact that they also are divorced- what happens if I have to take care of them both simultaneously? The logistics of that are nightmarish); I don't want my son to be the only one to care for me or his dad when he's older. I'd like for him to have the support of siblings when that time comes. I often feel that my mom's infertility gave me the short end of the stick, and I don't want to pass that onto my son. He has very little biological family. His dad plays peekaboo with his life- first you see him, now you don't. What happens to my son when I'm gone? And if my mom passes on before her abusive husband, I get to deal with that mess, alone.

It's a scary thing to think about. Often, I try not to.