My second child desperately wants a cell phone for Christmas.
He's ten. And he's the most persuasive person I have ever met.
He likes to play with my cell phone, typing out text messages to me without actually sending them. Instead, he just walks over to me and holds the phone up to my face. It reads, "What are we having for dinner?"
Dude. I'm standing right here. Please feel free to address me with the remarkable technological achievement called YOUR VOCAL CORDS.
The other day he observed aloud to me that "you know, I bet the best way I could convince you that I can handle a cell phone is to be really responsible about other stuff." Then he proceeded to set the table, finish his homework, put away some laundry and help his sister with a project, all without being asked.
I thanked him heartily. (And then I wondered how long I can milk this thing for all it's worth.)
Hubs and I have been talking about the kids-with-cell-phones issue a lot lately, and he's not a big fan of the idea. He's worried about the phone getting lost or over-used, and of course, he doesn't want to receive any outlandish bills. I agree.
But I can also see a few positives about letting the two older kids have phones. I like the idea of the boys having access to a phone when they're away from me, for security reasons. We could always buy a pre-paid plan, I've reasoned, so there would be no surprise bills. We could find a bare-bones, inexpensive phone without Internet access. The kids could help re-stock the minutes with their allowance.
Most of all, I like the idea of the boys having some hands-on experience setting cell phone limits before they hit the teen years. Managing a cell phone responsibly is a learned skill. Learned skills require practice.
That brings me back to the question I keep mulling over in my head: how young is too young to begin learning this skill? It's that shaky parenting tightrope I walk daily (on many more issues than just this one)--I want to give my kids enough freedom that they're having contstant opportunites to grow and mature, but I want to do it at a common-sense, cautious pace.
So I thought I'd throw this dilemma out to all of you, for (hopefully) some hearty discussion. Specifically, at what age did you (or will you) give your kids their first cell phone? What kinds of limits do you put in place to help them manage it responsibly? How much of the financial burden are they responsible for? Have you come up with any other creative ideas for managing this issue?
I'm all ears.
Since I remember the days when cell phones were as big as bricks and permanently attached to the inside of a car, I probably shouldn't be replying. When I was growing up though, 12 was the magic age for almost everything. I got to start wearing make-up, shave, and have boys at my birthday parties when I hit 12. Dating and driving were of course at 16, but I think 12 is a good age for a lot of responsibility issues because kids really become aware of the outside world and start to care what friends think at that age. They still want to be responsible and they still rely on their parents, too. You may get a couple of good years in before they don't want to listen to you anymore. Once you need that cell phone to keep track of them at 16, it may be too late.
Posted by: gillie | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 01:01 AM
I say go for it. Seems like he's ready, and it would help you. I'd start with really tight boundaries, and then loosen them from there. I'm guessing your son is the First Born Responsible Type, so letting him have the opportunity to prove to you that he is Responsible is worth quite a bit. And if not? Well, you've just got one more Really Great Consequence to add to your list. :)
Posted by: Stretch Mark Mama | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 01:31 AM
I would advise against a camera-phone. But I'm not sure about the age thing, I think it really depends on the child.
Posted by: Mrs. Organic | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 01:49 AM
My daughter got her first prepaid phone last December, age 17-paid for out of her own money she worked for. Trac Phone now offers phones that automatically have the double minutes thing worked in so when you add 60 minutes/units...it becomes 120...even more if you have one of their promo codes.
My son got his just a few weeks ago (age 16) again, with his own money he earned at a job.
Neither had a reason to have a phone before this. I have a prepaid that I use for emergencies. We've used walkie talkies (good ones) some in the past as they've walked the dog or we were out shopping and needed to split up for a bit.
We're a homeschooling family-so maybe that makes a difference in need there. They might would have owned one earlier if our situation had been different, I dont know.
Initially, buying a prepaid phone is cheap (walmart has great deals on them..I think my son paid 10 for his a few weeks ago with the double minutes for life thing attached to it..and the minutes are not horrible either.) If it gets lost-you are not out a big amount of money..and you are not signed up for a long term contract. Your son will only have as many minutes as he can afford out of his allowance. IF he wants one-this is a good way to go-at least at first...for his age.
Posted by: Muddy | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 01:56 AM
We were resisting, but my 2 daughters (11 and 9 saved up their own (and granny's) money, so we bought very basic ones, and they top-up their own credit £10 at a time. True to form, one child uses that up quickly, the other shows much more restraint!
They rarely take the phones out of the house, but enjoyed keeping in touch with their friends over the summer while we were away at out cottage. At the first sign of over-use they know we will be limiting their use more.
They have both had them for 6 months, and neither has lost theirs yet (a miracle in itself), and have certainly shown maturity and responsibility with them.
Our only additional rule we have had to add is that phones are switched off and left downstairs at bedtime, to stop insomniac friends sending texts late at night.
I had thought I would resist this for much longer (as I was 33 before I got my first phone!) but so far it has worked for me :)
Posted by: JanMary, N Ireland | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 02:05 AM
We waited until the kids were in middle school and being left alone at school functions. Thy got the phone in the car, and gave it back when picked up.
Now that they are in high school, they each have a prepaid phone, no internet or camera. They brood about the internet part, since they cannot text- but in the next breath they talk about the "other" kids get to do it and text all during class.
Hello?
All during class? Not the best sales opportunity- ya think?
so, they have it prepaid, low limits and have proven to be responsible. Once Kati gets a car (God help me she will be 16 Friday) and it out alone, we will certainly up her limits.
Call us tight with technology, but as you would say "It works for me"
Posted by: kelli | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 02:09 AM
Our oldest is weeks away from being 12. She hasn't asked for a phone but has asked when she would be able to get one.
She is extremely responsible and I don't worry about that end of it.
I'm sure there will be many that disagree but I have a problem with "bar" lowering.
A silly example of this at our house was bubble gum. I have this pet peeve about seeing really little kids chewing gum. I don't know, it makes them look sassy to me.
So of course with the firstborn, she was not able to chew gum, I kid you not, until she was 7.
But then having three kids ages 4 and under, you get tired, perspective and a grip on reality all at the same time and second child has gum at 6 and youngest at 5. Can you hear that bar being dropped?
So much for standards.
Gum, other than dental issues, not really serious and not a lot of consequences.
Another example of this is:
It used to be there was a Senior Prom. It was something that was looked forward to and was part of the celebration of completing high school.
Then somewhere along the line juniors said, "What about us?" Then they developed Junior Prom.
Now you've got kids in middle school having dances so by the time they get to high school their Senior Prom is a big yawn and they've got to spice it up--first came Limos then hotel rooms. Who knows what they are doing nowadays.
Things that were special weren't preserved as special--the bar was lowered.
As with the "gum" story, the standards we set for our older children are much higher than our younger children.
No matter how well intentioned we are, younger children are introduced to things at an earlier age than their older siblings because stuff just "trickles down."
My point? Obviously, you and your hubby will decide what is best for your son. But since you asked, my thought is actually a question.
If your son has a cellphone at the age of 10 are you comfortable with your younger children having one at 8? Or 7?
I asked my hubby what his thoughts were on this. His answer--she can have a cell phone when she can pay for it herself.
I think when she's old enough to drive and would have the ability to be away from an adult that would have a phone.
My thought, "What's the hurry?"
We survived without them and are relatively well-adjusted :)
Posted by: Lainie@ Mishmash Maggie | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 02:19 AM
My daughter got a phone on her 11th birthday, a few months after starting Secondary school. The deal is we top up the credit £5 a month, if she uses all that she either goes without or pays for more credit out of her pocket money. After the novelty wore off she proved incredibly responsible! She only takes the phone to school if she has plans with friends afterwards, otherwise she leaves it home to make sure it doesnt get lost/stolen.
Posted by: Sue T | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 03:09 AM
We are going to get a third phone. It will not belong to a child, but will be available for the person(child) that may need. There have been times we have wished for a 3rd phone.
I thought of the "lowering the bar" issue too, but more in terms of if this year it is a cell phone, what is next year going to bring. Then there is the value of waiting for what you want....a trait many adults are lacking.
But you know your family's situation and need best and this is not a one-answer-fits-all situation.
Posted by: rachel | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 03:11 AM
Well, we got a deal on a third cell phone on our plan a couple of years ago. We hesitated at first, but it was a freebie they threw into our plan. Our first thought was to be able to give it to my MIL when she had our kids. She (gasp) does not have a cell and really doesn't want one. Anyway, it has been a GODSEND. We have four children. 12, 10, 7, and 4. It is a shared phone. Our older two have started participating in the gifted program's overnight fieldtrips-they take this phone. If they go to a friend's house, they take this phone. It is not theirs, but they may use it when necessary. I suggest an extra phone that is there when needed, but is not their phone, yet. We will probably allow our children to have their own phones when they begin to drive. I like being able to reach them (and the GPS to know when they are not where they should be). They better not do that, but being a youth pastor's wife-I know teenagers pretty well!
Posted by: Terri | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 04:02 AM
Our rule has been that the child gets a phone when he/she NEEDS it and can take responsibility for it. For us, that meant when the child was leaving home unprotected (walking to a friend's home, going to the park alone, riding a bike to a pet sitting/baby sitting job etc...) and needed to be in touch. This was around age thirteen for both of my teens. The other criteria was that they paid their bill. It's only around $10. to add a line plus $5-$10. for texting features. We also had our kids buy their phone (we activated it). If they want it, they can save for it. For most kids today, that's not out of reach financially, even if you're only thirteen. Paying for it themselves also helps insure that it doesn't get lost. If it does, they'll have to save to buy a replacement. I like the fact that I have access to every phone number that calls them (or they call) through my personal bill. If they don't pay, they lose the phone immediately. One really helpful requirement is that they keep a daily or weekly log of their minutes and texts so there are no surprises. It's like balancing your checkbook - it's very helpful, but few people do it. Start by forming responsible habits.
In todays world, it doesn't seem like an "if" anymore, but a "when" they get a phone. You're right, they need to learn early how to be responsible.
Posted by: pinkcamojeep | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 04:53 AM
One piece of advice-- get a plan with no texting. Both of my teens have phones and their plans are $10/mo (added on to our existing family plan.) No texting saves money and a lot of unnecessary "chatting."
My daughter insists she's the only person in the entire high school who can't text.
Good. :)
Posted by: Michelle- This One's for the Girls | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 05:32 AM
Oh boy...i'd just say no. An out and out no. i gave my 12 year old a cell phone (we call them mobiles) for security reasons. That was the last thing it was ever used for. Ever. Then again my daughter was a rather difficult teenager. Still I will always remember the month that the bills climbed into 4 figures - yes prepaid was a good idea, but so was the clever plan. Then after several years of battles, when i finally bit the bullet and took matters into my own hands, she almost had a breakdown when i wanted to take the phone away from her.
And then, i've just spent the best part of the last six months trying to employ someone who fits into the gen y profile for my biz...and you know what? the things that matter most to them are their phone, can they have windows messenger on their computer so they can 'stay connected' (read chat all day and not do any work) and when am i getting my pay, along with how much is it.
i'm figuring somehow this new generation is a bit out of whack and having grown up in this technological age, they expect to have all these conveniences, without any of the knowledge to get by without.
call me a grinch, but i'm starting to wonder how the world would get on if GenY was all that was left to take care of us all.
That said though, and i'm sorry to sound like a soap box, there are some amazingly inspiring kids out there, and maybe your son is one of them. If he is, do you think he might like a job in Sydney?
Posted by: cath kelly | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 05:37 AM
I got my first cell phone when I was 16 and driving. It was also the size of a small purse and could be used as a personal protection device if need be.
My oldest niece and nephew have each had a cell phone since they were 10 (they're 16 and 12 now), and I guess it comes down to setting boundaries and knowing your kid. These two had their phones stripped from them after running up an outrageous texting bill, and not having the money to pay for their portion. Serious pouting ensued.
If the kids have a ton of after school stuff going on, then I agree with whomever said that their kids get the phone when dropped off and then it gets returned when they get picked up. Outside of that, I don't think they need one till they're driving, and even then, there should be limits.
Posted by: Leigh | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 05:50 AM
Hrrrmmm...
About two weeks ago, I was listening to the radio and heard a story about a 12 year old boy who received NAUGHTY (and I am shouting that word) photos from a female classmate. Apparently, this is a trend called "sexting"---scary, eh?
I'd say if you got a phone for him, monitor, monitor, monitor, and monitor some more. Daily, if you need to.
Your son may be very responsible with his phone. It doesn't mean the kids texting, calling, and emailing him will be...
Posted by: gretchen from lifenut | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 05:55 AM
My eight-year-old has a cell phone, but he is only allowed to call people in his contact list (mom, dad, grandma, etc). At eight, he really doesn't have any friends to call. I like that he has the phone for safety reasons and that he's learning to be responsible for something small and easily lost. Also, he only gets to carry it when he asks permission or he's going to a place where I might worry about him a bit. I'm in my last year of college and my husband works long hours, so we depend on a bit of juggling between family members and friends for child care right now, and I just feel better if he has a way to contact me in case something goes wrong, he goes to the wrong place after school, etc.
Posted by: Jen | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 05:58 AM
We are facing the same issue at my house. We are getting a prepaid phone (that's what my husband and I use anyway) to be the floater phone for whoever needs it. Sometimes that will be my oldest two boys (9 and 11) and sometimes that will be my husband who always forgets to charge his phone. ;)
Posted by: Susan G. | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 05:59 AM
I think when he has a regular job and can learn how to budget, he's old enough for a cell phone.
Posted by: Michelle | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 06:09 AM
We figure cell phones are a need and not a want. Our daughter was 14 when she got hers. She was always going here and there with school activities and she needed to be able to call us for rides and we needed to be able to get in touch with her. It was fine for a little while with her just using mine but then it got to be too much so we just added a line to ours for $10 a month and we just all share the minutes. We never use them all plus we get rollover so it works out great. We do not do texting though. I can't stand it. There is nothing more annoying then a person who has a cell phone attached to their hand ALL the time and is texting constantly. I'd rather they just put it up to their mouth and talk. Our son is 12 and he talks about wanting a phone but what in the world does he need it for you ask! Not a stinkin' thing!! Rarely does he go anywhere where he might need to get ahold of us and there is no phone around. If that is the case he takes one of the other 3 in the house.
Posted by: Shannon | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 06:18 AM
My daughter is nearly 11, and she has had a phone since September. She is in middle school and is responsible for getting herself (with her friends) to Youth Group and tennis during the week on the bus, and she's only allowed to carry it during those times. We have a prepaid card for her, so there are no surprise charges. It's worked really well so far,and has proven to bea good opportunity for her to show responsibility and independance.
Posted by: Megan | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 06:22 AM
Ok, looks like I am going against the grain on this one and will shock most commenters when I tell you that my daughter got a phone for christmas last year (age 7.5) We added her to our family plan for $10 a month and we have unlimited texting on that plan. It has a camera. She has never used it to make a phone call...but she texts us (when she is at dance rehersals for many hours etc) and It makes me feel better knowing she has it. We live by the "teach technology responsibility while you still have lot of situational control over the children" rules...This daughter also has a laptop and a blog that she posts to. The phone has never been lost or abused but it provides a wonderful safety net in situations that we can't be with her and has also helped her to learn to be more independant.
I say go for it, chose your plan wisely, lay out the rules - when we did it last year we also starting talking early about "well if Santa brings you a phone do you realize how phones get paid for each month etc..
Good luck
Posted by: Terra | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 06:23 AM
I'm probably a little old fashioned (at only 26 yrs. old), but I don't think a 10 year old needs a cell phone. I think it will likely just open the door to trouble. There's plenty of time and opportunity to learn responsibility later. My brother and I couldn' get such privileges until we were old enough to have a job and pay for it ourselves. I realize that was several years ago. I got my first cell when I went to college - as a sophomore! We weren't allowed to take ski lessons until we paid ourselves - I was 14 I think.
My little brother especially has gotten into trouble with the cell. A lot of money is still owed to my dad for sending hundreds - hundreds of texts within one week. It is a waste of time, and lends to trouble just because you want something to say to the other person. I think a lot of teens are disrespectful with their phones and texting - doing it in situations and places where it is inappropriate.
So if you must, I suggest one of those phones that comes pre-programmed with like three numbers - that you as the parent choose. Those are the only numbers your son can call (like home, mom's cell, and dad's cell). It is for emergencies, sleepovers, and soccer practice - no internet, no texting.
That is just my opinion. I am against texting and facebook and myspace and iPods (until they are older and more responsible).
Posted by: Andrea @ rAndom issues | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 06:30 AM
Our son is 10 and this year Hubby and I broke down and got him a cell phone for Christmas.
We have two teenagers who got thier first cell phones when they were 12 & 13.
Our youngest is very responsible, and like your son is always texting using my phone and showing me what he just texted and I am like you...open you mouth and speak!!
We added him to our plan for $10 a month and we already have an unlimited texting plan, so that was not an additional cost. We did have the internet blocked along with the ablility to download ringtones and music so there is no worry of him getting on the net and running up the bill.
This can go either way, but there is a sense of security that comes along with a cell phone for us, that is why we are allowing him to get his early.
As with the other boys, we are not responsible for lost or damaged phones. There is insurance and they have to pay for that and have to pay to have the phone replaced if it's lost, stolen or broken.
We were worried about what others may say when they found out that we have allowed our 10 year old to get a phone for Christmas, but then again, it is our child and that was all that mattered!
Good luck with making your choice!!
Posted by: Patrice | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 06:35 AM
How funny... this morning over breakfast my third grade, 9 year old says to me that next year he will ask for a cell phone for Christmas. Why? Because ALL 4th graders have one! Well, of course. Ahhh, the twists and turns of parenting. He said it would be cool to get an iPhone like me. Uh, no! PS ~ I'll totally be watching how you handle this so I can copy you! :)
Posted by: Kim @ My Journey | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 06:43 AM
My sister-in-law bough our niece a cell phone a couple years ago. She's 12 now, and still hasn't lost it for more than a day. Mom and Dad pay $15 per month for a set amount of minutes. If niece wants more minutes, she has to pay for them herself. They got her a pretty basic phone, but it is still working well today. The first couple months, she used all her minutes really quickly, and had to deal with choosing to either pay for more or quit using her phone until the next month. I think it has taught her quite a bit about budgeting. She's budgeting minutes instead of money, but she's understanding that she can't just blow all she's got at once. She has learned to ration out her minutes to last her the whole month, and is even starting to anticipate high usage times!
Posted by: Katie | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 06:43 AM
we have a deal with our 12 year old..when he can go 6 months without forgetting something (gym clothes, homeowrk), we will get him a cell phone...the 6 months gets reset about every 4 weeks, which shows he is not ready...what does he need one for...he is never anywhere that he cannot get to a phone if he needs to...i got my own landline when i was 13 and paid my own bill...but i talked on the phone, he does not...once he needs it, i am all for it, but it is just another entitlement of the age i don't think is necessary...it is a want not a need
Posted by: shelly | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 06:45 AM
I'm a new mom so I probably shouldn't be chiming in. 10 just seems SO young. Maybe it's the new 13, I don't know. By the time mine get to that age, 10 will be the new 16. Yikes!!
Posted by: Jenny | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 06:50 AM
I never really worry about my kids having access to a phone - they are always with adult supervision (of some variety) and they can always borrow a phone - "everyone has one" right?
Posted by: AmyDe | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 06:51 AM
Right now, I would say when they get a job! At age 10, what do they really need a phone for..who are they calling? do his friends have cell phones?
Buy him "legos"..keep him young!
-sandy toes
Posted by: Sandy toes | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 06:55 AM
The boy got his when he was 17.
He is and has always been financially responsible for his minutes. We got him one of those pre-paid ones.
I refuse to buy his minutes.
Posted by: chocolatechic | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 07:04 AM
I got my daughter her first cell phone at age 10, but it was a "Firefly" - which I don't believe they make anymore. It had no number keys - all numbers had to be programmed in (by Mom and Dad, of course). It had one button for Mom, one button for Dad, one series of buttons for 911, and a menu button for programmed friends. The phone would only accept incoming calls from numbers that were programmed on it.
Now, at 12, she was given a real cell phone - with texting priveleges as well. I've had no problems with her abusing it, and she's never gone over her allowed minutes or texts. There have been many times when I've been glad she's had it, when one of us needed to reach the other.
I really believe in laying the groundwork for phone responsibility BEFORE they hit high school. Times they are a' changin'! Personal communication devices are the way of the world, and are only going to get more advanced. We're better off starting them young how to use them and not abuse them!
Posted by: Carey | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 07:05 AM
My husband and I both use prepaid phones, so no monthly bills. Both of our teenage daughters wanted phones, but neither wanted a prepaid phone like we have, they both wanted "cool" phones that do everything and come with an expensive plan like "everyone else" has. We told them we would only get them prepaid phones like ours-if they wanted any other kind, then they would have to pay for it themselves, because we were not going to be paying outrageous monthly bills from overuse and constant texting. So our oldest daughter did not get her first phone until she was 18 and had a job so she could pay for it, and she pays $75 per month for her plan. Our 14-year-old doesn't have a job and she is still refusing to accept a prepaid phone, so still no phone for her. They compare themselves to all the kids at school whose parents buy them everything they want and pay for everything, without making their kids take any responsibility for the cost, so they think that we are VERY unfair in our views that they must pay for it themselves if they want a "cool" phone and a "cool" plan. Because they say that "no one else's parents make their kids do that." (After reading some of the the other comments, I beg to differ....)
Posted by: Sally | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 07:06 AM
I too, come from the bag phone era....*shudder* and have a more conservative opinion on cell phones and kids.
We allowed our oldest to get his own phone (an added line on our account) at 14. We paid the bill until he turned 16. Now, on the first of every month, he has to come up with the $12 or it gets shut off (which reminds me that he is late) My 15 yo, although a technical wizard, is not too interested in having a phone at this point even when we offered him one. It's probably because we do not have/allow texting.....I believe in your vocal cord reasoning. I am pretty sure, based on what my teens tell me.....that they are the only teenagers who do not have texting privileges. And I tell them, that they are absolutely correct in referring to texting as a privilege, not an entitlement.
Oh, and from what we are told.....we are "minute Nazis" as we only allow "in-network" calling....no excessive minute usage.
I hope you find something that works for your family... :)
Posted by: Michelle | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 07:06 AM
My kids are homeschooled so we look at things a little differently, meaning, they are seldom away from us and therefore don't really need the phones. IF they were in public school I am relatively sure that both my 6th grader and 8th grader would have bare bones cell phones.
(I will add...we have been looking into one for our girl (6th grader) because she wants to be on the phone all of the time and we live so far out of town all of her friends are long distance)
Posted by: Sheri | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 07:07 AM
they have a lot of options out there for cell phones now.
My sister who is going to be 11 just got a cell phone. Her mom (we have different moms) put a star next to each name that is "in network". My sister knows those are the only people she can call or text during the day - except for emergencies.
So my sister is learning about in-network vs. out of network. Day/night/weekend calling. Text messaging, etc.
It also gives her mom and our dad something to take away in cases of punishment.
Posted by: angela | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 07:13 AM
Read this article and decide for yourself:
http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/06_25/b3989080.htm
There is some concern amoungst the medical community about kids and high cell phone use.
Something to consider as well. I got my husband a blue tooth because he is on his cell a lot for work. This cuts down on the radiation from the phone.
Sorry to sound like a dark cloud, but me personaly would not buy my young child a phone for regular use with the jury still out on it causing brain tumors.
Posted by: Elizabeth Sue | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 07:14 AM
I got a cell phone when I turned 16, because that's when I started driving (for reference, I'm 21 now). The fact of the matter is that a 10-year-old simply doesn't need one. He's ten! He's never going to be somewhere you or another adult didn't take him. He's never going to be somewhere without a landline or someone who DOES have a cell phone. Also, I don't think kids are really responsible enough, despite what he may say or do - kids drop stuff, kids lose stuff, kids promise to take care of the puppy and never do. It's the same with cell phones.
Posted by: Mel | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 07:15 AM
When kids begin to use cell phones part of the umbrella of protection parents provide is removed. When they give out their cell phone # and start to call their friends, their calls are routed away from Mom and Dad. Who calls them and when and about what? I grew up with one house phone in the kitchen that adjoined the only living room our family shared and believe me every call could easily be monitored. I like Andrea's idea of the pre-programmed numbers used for contact with those people that a 10 year old needs to stay in touch with. And the idea that the phone stays with mom when not on an outing that might need a call. Does that help?
Posted by: Kay | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 07:17 AM
This is a very helpful discussion. Thanks for initiating it!
Both of our girls have asked for cell phones (ages 14 and 10), mostly because some of their friends have them. Our answer has been that they can have one when they need it. We homeschool, so they are almost never in a situation where they are not with us or another adult with a cell phone.
Another reservation I have is the way cell phones remove us from the people around us. It used to be that you could have a conversation with someone without being interrupted by a phone call. Not any more. It seems like I always see people (teenagers especially) with phones stuck to their ears and the people around them take a back seat. This is sometimes an annoyance and sometimes is just downright rude. Many teenagers with phones seem to prefer texting and talking on the phone to speaking with the friends right there with them. For the younger ones, I think it's just an attempt to look "cool" and "important."
My oldest is starting to have a need for one since she is working as a soccer referee and we sometimes drop her off rather than waiting for her. She will also be driving soon, although with adult supervision, so she will probably be getting one in the next year or so. That will only intensify the groanings of my 10 year old, I'm sure.
Posted by: Jennifer R. | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 07:21 AM
All of mine have cell phones. My youngest was 9 when she got hers. She does theatre, dance, acting, piano and voice lessons. I need her to have a phone for my convenience so she can call me if rehearsals are over early or run late. 16 texts constantly at home. It is nice I can reach her during school hours. She keeps it on silent and checks during breaks. Yesterday was a day she needed it, she left some spirals in my car from when she had a problem at school and I had picked her up. 19 is in college. He doesn't have a landline, uses his cell instead.
Posted by: Amy in West TX | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 07:22 AM
This is a tough one. My response to my kids getting one was "where am I leaving them that is so unsafe that they need one?" - and yes, I realize it's a priviledge, so we made sure our daughter was aware of that when we FINALLY agreed to her having one. We gave her a pre-paid phone for her 8th grade graduation gift. We put on the first minutes, but after that, it has been her responsibility to pay for - or earn - her minutes. She is to keep track of the calendar and be aware of her usage.
Three months in to having the first phone, she broke it - by misusing it - and her world was ROCKED. She went without a phone for a month until she earned enough money to replace it.
My problem with the cell phones and the texting is that I think it is easier for kids to be sneaky and try to get around their parents hearing their conversations. I don't like that about them.
But now that our daughter is in HS and being involved in activities, it has come in handy.
Just remember they're all masters of persuasion. My son made his bed trying to prove he was responsible enough to get a bb gun (WHICH DIDN'T HAPPEN) and amazingly enough after his birthday came and went and he didn't get the gun, he seemed to "forget" how to make his bed. That's all I'm sayin'.
Good luck.
Posted by: Kim H. | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 07:36 AM
I got my first cell phone when I was old enough to drive - for fear that I would get lost or the car would break down and I needed a safe way to be in touch with my parents.
The logic still holds today - even if the age is lower. If he goes places without you, and you want him to be able to contact you, he needs a cell phone. Our world has come to depend on cell phones, and its rare that I see pay phones available anymore. Gone are the days where kids are safe with just 50 cents in their pocket, to make a call.
Which is worse, giving your son have a cell phone (with all the right rules and restrictions) or having him approach a stranger in the mall to borrow theirs because he needs to call you?
Posted by: Rachel Silverman | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 07:49 AM
Yes to the cell phone, with
Lots of Monitoring
Yes to texting.
Its todays world.
Posted by: Brenda | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 07:51 AM
Miss Splenda has a cell phone, and I'm not crazy about it. But since she lives with her mother (who lacks a backbone AND a brain - oops, did I say that out loud?) we don't really have any control over that. But when she's with us, she doesn't really have enough time to get bored to the point of wanting to call her friends. She doesn't have any texting, though.
If it was my choice, I wouldn't have allowed it yet, regardless of the sales pitch. That's just me, the wicked step-mom of the north though.
Posted by: Mrs Lemon | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 07:51 AM
My first reaction is to say the 10 is too young. Is your son away from home a lot? Sports? That might make a little more sense. Do you have a home phone? Can't friends call him on that? Add a different ring to your home phones plan so that when someone calls your son he knows it is for him. I just wonder at the age of 10 how many people is he going to be talking to? And if he wants it because it will make him cool, then thats all the more reason not to get it. As I heard growing up "School is not a fashion show. It's where you go to learn" I don't see cell phones fitting into the learning atmosphere.
I do however like the idea of an extra family cell phone. For handing to the kids when you drop them at the mall, or at a friends house, or at the sporting event. That makes sense and would give peace of mind.
Well, thats my 2 cents since you asked for it.
Posted by: Valerie | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 08:13 AM
I share custody with my ex. My 18 yo dd was given a phone by me (on my phone plan) when she was 14 because I couldn't get a hold of her or her younger brothers when they were with their dad. My boys, 14 and 15, were given pay as you go phones by their dad this year. They continually forget them, lose them temporarily or don't have minutes on them. I don't think either of the boys need them, mainly because of the cost of losing them, but they don't call anyone anyway...lol.
Posted by: Cheryl | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 08:14 AM
Personnally I think that it depends on the kid. My oldest is 9, and I know that some of the kids in his class have cell phones. I, however, feel that 9 is way too young, no matter who the kid is. I may get my kids a cell phone when they are 12-13, but they will only be able to call me, their dad, or grandma....I believe that there are plans out there where you can only call certian numbers, just for kids.
Posted by: Shannon | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 08:18 AM
I didn't have a cell phone of my own until I got married. My parents always had a family plan with two phones; when someone in the family went out, we grabbed whichever one was available. If you have lots of older kids going in and out, three or four phones might be better. This system worked well; we knew the phones were for emergencies or calling home, and never used up the minutes talking to friends.
Posted by: SarahMay | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 08:20 AM
I didn't read all the above comments, so this may have been mentioned already.
We bit the bullet and gave our son one at his 14th birthday. He's been very responsible with it. The reason we did this was because I would let him use mine if he was going to be away (school functions, selling candy door to door, at a friends home). Well, I needed my phone at these times too. Another thing is that we've taken his phone away (just as good as a grounding in our case) when he didn't write down his homework assignments. That is another big issue. So, our arrangement of writing down hw assignments or phone grounding works very well for us.
Posted by: Jennifer | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 08:20 AM
My oldest has a cell phone. She's had it for a little over a year. We decided it was time for her have the privilege of having a cell phone because she was starting to do stuff without us and we wanted the security of her being able to get in touch with us in case of an emergency. Our decision was based more on the fact that she was doing stuff without us more than her age.
That being said, she has had the phone taken away from her because she abused the privilege. We have explained to her that it is a responsibility to have a cell phone and that if she does not follow our rules, she does not get to keep the phone. It has worked so far, and like you said, it is a learned skill.
Posted by: WorkingHardMom | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 08:24 AM
My oldest got his this year for his 13th birthday. We are homeschoolers also, but he is in scouts and works at the community theater sometimes and I was starting to wish he had one for my convenience. He has had it since February and has not lost or broken it.
We have unlimited texting on our family plan, so he is included in that. We are big fans of texting here.
My 10 year old daughter has asked when she can have one. I told her when she is 13, but that may change. When she starts going places without me I may decide I want her to have one. She is very involved in the theater as well, so her day may come sooner.
Leslie
Posted by: My Twenty Cents Keeps Moving | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 08:24 AM
My first born received a very basic Tracfone when he began Middle School. He could not take it to school, it did not have text, photos, internet, etc. Very basic. He used it when he traveled with his basketball team for out-of-town games. We paid for the small amount of minutes and he never went over his limit. As he got older he wanted one with "more" features. After he turned 18 and for graduation, he received a top line Tracfone with all the bells and whistles, also double minutes for life. We paid for the phone, stocked it with minutes and then turned it over to him to maintain. I do think giving him the small responsibility when younger, helped teach him how to be responsible with more later.
My youngest son received his brother's old phone this year when he went into Middle School. We are doing the same with him, and so far he is using his minutes wisely.
We have control of the phone and can take away the priviledge if necessary. It is not bad for younger kids to have a phone if you set simple limits and boundaries and "stick to them".
Also, my kids never got an allowance. I refused to pay them for doing necessary household chores. They did get rewards for being responsible to their duties and when they needed money for "something" it was usually provided without strings attached. Their attitude also went a long way in our decision making process.
Posted by: Reading Rosie | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 08:26 AM
Well, we homeschool, so the whole kids being away doesn't happen all that often. But with my oldest.... we gave her a phone when she was about 12 1/2 when we made a move halfway across the country. We thought it would be a cheap way for her to stay in touch with her friends. She is almost 17 now and attending private school... the unlimited texting has been great.
My next oldest will be 13 at the end of the year. He is getting a cell for his birthday. He has begun going places in the neighborhood and here on base without me (going off with friends) and there have been plenty of times I have wanted to be able to get in touch with him to let him know I wanted him home. I think he will do fine with a phone.
The 10yo daughter thinks she needs one because she has a friend (not homeschooled) a few months younger who has one. Not happening.
Posted by: Karen | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 08:31 AM
My Grandson bought his own track phone this year and he is 10. He pays for the minutes with his own money. It is nice for him to have in his backpack in case his Mom is late geting to school. (he has to keep it turned off during the day). I think it is making him more responsible and he takes very good care of it. It was so cute - when he got the phone he gave me his number and said. "but don't call me Mamaw, I don't want to use up my minutes". (the texting uses less minutes!!)
Posted by: Marlene Farcin | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 08:32 AM
Last Friday we went out bowling with my in-laws and on the lane next to us were 3 pre-teenish age kids, their father, and their grandfather. I watched for awhile as the 3 kids spent their entire bowling experience with their grandfather on their cell phones with friends. They were too busy texting and talking to friends to even interact with their family. This went on the entire time, including when they were actually bowling. It was quite sad. They didn't talk to their family at all, only their friends.
I guess my biggest problem with pre-teens and teens having cell phones is that they are glued to them, and boundaries or etiquette are not followed. We have a HUGE problems with teens texting during church and for some reason their parents don't see a problem with it. It is very distracting!
I got a cellphone at 16 way before texting was even invented so that wasn't an issue. My Mom's rules were simple. It was for emergencies only, do not turn it on during school, and do not use the phone to chitchat with friends when the house phone is right beside you.
If you think your son is responsible enough to take care of a phone, and to know when it is acceptable to use it, then go for a pre-paid phone for a trial session. If you don't like the results, then repo the phone. Good luck!
Posted by: Amy | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 08:33 AM
What about those kajeet things? I read about them somewhere.. There are supposed to be all kinds of parental controls and they are supposed to be cheaper.
We added our daughter to our plan when she was 12. She is the oldest of 6, a homeschooler, very responsible. She uses it to talk to her friends that live out of state, to text them, and any time we split up at the mall or other venues. It's handy for ME to have her have one, so that I can let her go wander off at Claire's and I don't have to wait for her there and let my brains drool out my ears.
Posted by: Corey | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 08:44 AM
We gave our kids cell phones when I felt that it would help me. At about age 14. I work full time and they were in different schools and often walked hom. I wanted them to be able to reach me and for me to be able to reach them. I did not set up voice mail for them. We have a family plan and share minutes.
This year, my son went to college and we agreed to split the cost of text messaging with him. It turns out that this is the mode of communication and we really felt it was important that he be in touch with others (he is not in typical dorm). He is not a very social kid and we don't want him to miss opportunities.
Texting is a good way for kids or parents to communicate privately. If one of my kids is in an uncomfortable situation or does not want his/her friends to know that he is calling his mom--he can text me to come get him. It is safe.
Neither of my kids has abused the phone or lost one--with one exception. My son once lost of phone and I had to put a hold on it so no one could make phone calls. I searched high and low--one day, after a few weeks, I walked in his room. The cat who was laying in the middle of the floor--stood up and there was the phone underneath the cat. The cat must have batted it under something and then a few weeks later found it and brought it out again. So glad the cat was not calling his friends.
Posted by: fern | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 08:45 AM
We have one cell phone for 3 children. But then we homeschool, have no home phone, and both work from home so this way they have a phone to talk to grandparents and friends on without borrowing our phone. It is a plain Jane no internet phone, it was free with our plan and only cost $10 a month to add to our plan. Since they are usually with us they seldom use it though they take it if they are going somewhere with someone.
Posted by: Heather | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 08:50 AM
PLEASE read my blog post on this topic!
http://shmoo2.blogspot.com/2008/08/this-is-why.html
It is about a HUGE study done in Europe on cell phone use in children. It scared the pants off of me. And I agree that cell phones are a TOOL, not a toy. My 16 year old has a pay as you go, no texting one that he pays for himself. My 13 year old will get the same type of one when he drives. Neither or them are/will be allowed to carry it in their pockets! (Read the study linked to my blog post!)
Posted by: AprilMay | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:03 AM
I think twelve is a good age. It is the age where they are excited about been a teen and its a good age to have the responsibility of a cell phone. Not that there is anything magic about 12 but that seems to be the age where they are starting to spread their wings and do a lot of things on their own.
Posted by: Aunt Murry | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:06 AM
I went back and forth on this for quite some time, before I added a phone for my daughter to my plan. She is 8. I think it's a young age to have one, but my reasons were this: we have no landline, and her Dad and I are divorced. The main purpose for her to have a phone was to keep in contact with her Dad. She is only allowed to call 'in Network,' so the calls are free and she is permitted to text in Network also. No phones are allowed at school, so it stays in her bag.
As a previous commenter mentioned, she is also getting more involved in activities on her own after school, and b/c I work nearly an hour away and our winter weather can be iffy, it is helpful for me to be able to text her and let her know I am on my way.
Once the novelty of having a phone wore off, she really has been just using it to call her Dad, me and her grandparents... [primarily b/c most children her age don't have one yet.] I think this will become more challenging as more of her friends get phones. Not sure what I'm going to do then!
Posted by: Charlie | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:11 AM
well...if you give a child a phone, he is going to want a charger to go with it, and if you give him a charger to go with it, he is going to need...
just kidding...oldest college daughter got one when we sent her off, we are all on the same plan, so we could talk for "free" without minutes pinging us
then I added a line for next daughter who was busy with basketball out of the house, sometimes needing rides, sometimes not...so it was a good way to keep in contact with her...
again, this benefitted ME...do you see a pattern here emerging....smile...
I then added a line for my dad, because my grandmother was going to move in with us and one for her, so we could all call each other for, you guessed it, "FREE"
she passed away so my next two children, inherited her phone...we were already stuck with it and they have shared it semi-successfully..
I have adamantly opposed texting...I find it obnoxious...sorry, but there it is..
but this year for Christmas, grandmother is pitching in...we can upgrade to some cool snazzy phones...mind you, they never complained about the boring freebies...so they earned cookies in my book for not being spoiled brats that have to have the latest and greatest...
they have never pinged me on minutes, they have only had a couple of accidents...and my son has surprised me with being the most cautious and careful with his...
I have learned so much about my children with how they have handled this responsibility and againg, it is about ME.
What age...I agree with 12 being a ripe age to earn it...that is like a milestone and it gives them something to look forward to!
Posted by: Sarah the secret blower | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:12 AM
My oldest is about to be 12 and we're thinking about getting a 3rd phone to be used when he's at practice or at friend's houses. We've had 2 incidents this yr where we had a communication problem and he ended up being picked up late from football practice. I think it's a good idea to start teaching responsibility early. If we do get one it'll be a prepaid, for calls only.
Posted by: Lari | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:21 AM
Oh, I just wrote about my 10 year old step daughter and her cell phone last week on my blog (I linked to the post below if you want to read it.) She text messages this boy in her class constantly. Innocently, but constantly. We just keep constant tabs on her usage of it. Good luck; I'm sure you'll make the right decision.
Posted by: Noelle @ Six Silly Sullys | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:25 AM
I second many comments about being careful with camera phones, but it sounds like your son is responsible and desires to prove it too. The nice thing about pre-paid card kind of phones is that aunts and uncles can give minutes as b-day gifts.
Posted by: Jane | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:28 AM
I'm incredibly old fashioned AND frugal... quite a mix! We have ONE cell phone in our family. It's prepaid. I pay $100 per year to own it, so it basically costs us $8.33 per month.
Again, very old fashioned (and with 3 small children at home), but if a FAMILY can survive on one $8.34 phone I just can't see giving one to a kid.
We'll see if my tune changes when my oldest turns 10. ;-) Good luck!
Posted by: Amy @ Finer Things | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:34 AM
you've hit something that is sooo relevant! My 10 year old daughter and our 11 yr old son are wishing for cell phone of their own (esp the daughter). Our initial answer is no, not yet. But I will be watching this post :)
Posted by: A Maui Blog | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:36 AM
This doesn't quite fit your situation, but I thought it was a good idea. I have a friend with teens and they decided to get an extra cell phone that doesn't belong to any one child - it goes with the car. Whoever is out driving the car has use of the phone. You could also do this with just whichever child is out doing something where you'd like them to be able to contact you.
Posted by: kellie | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:36 AM
Our kids have long hinted at being "the only ones" without a cell phone. But we really wonder why do they need it? They are constantly with me, and Oldest is the only one that goes to public school. He's always just called us from school or used a friends. This last month he passed his driver's exam and we got him a cell phone. He was more thrilled about getting the phone than his drivers test. He is pretty responsible, but our main reason is he will be out driving on his own and if he needs to get hold of us, he can. He travels with the school for band trips and stuff, this gives us more peace of mind. We told him up front that we do not have texting plan and to tell his friends not to text. One of his friends told us that we could get this blocked from his phone if others start texting. We also told him that we share minutes between three phones. He mainly uses it just to call us. He knows that at any time he can lose it and other privileges if he crosses the line, and he know that when we tell him this, it's not just lip service.
Posted by: Lynnet | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:41 AM
To me, it's not about the cell phone. There are valid reasons why a cell phone would be a good idea and why a cell phone would be a bad idea. I'm tempted to say things like, "[Enter age here] is too young for a phone." or "I didn't have a phone until I was [enter age here]." or "I know of someone/had a child that [enter great/horrible situation here]." The fact is, every kid is different, every family is different and every experience is different. I think there are some kids who can handle a cell phone at age 8 and some kids who can't handle a cell phone at age 18, but hashing those sorts of things out is missing the point.
Whenever a privilege is given, there must be clear expectations. That's true. But instead of getting bogged down in the surface issues of cell phone use, I think it's more effective to look at the heart issue. What does having a cell phone mean to your son? Is it a way he can explore his manhood and prove his ability to handle something "big"? Does he have a genuine gift/love for technology, is particularly fascinated with the cell phone and would like to further pursue his interest? Or maybe he's feeling left out socially and thinks this would be a way to close the gap? Or maybe none of his friends have a cell phone and he's searching for a way to stand out? I have no idea, of course, but hopefully you get my drift...and hopefully you don't think I'm completely looney. :)
I'll speak for myself and say that when I get a bee in my bonnet about something, the thing I'm focused on is very often just one way I'm trying to work out whatever it is that's underneath. I would suspect the same is true for your son.
As a parent, figuring out the heart issue is usually helpful for me. It makes the best solution in a situation like this a lot easier to uncover because I'm addressing what's really being sought and not getting stuck in the surface stuff.
My general parenting motto is: Freedom Within Boundaries. I believe that's the way God parents us and because I'm pretty clueless as a parent, I figure I'll just copy God. :) So, in conclusion to this manifesto, I'd say: figure out what your son is *really* after and then make a decision about the cell phone accordingly, offering freedom within boundaries.
The end. :)
Posted by: Amy Andrews | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:43 AM
My son is now 15 and has had a cell phone for about 2 and a half years. He started with a Trac phone (TracFone.com) which worked well for a year or so. I then added him to my plan since he was using it more and had proved he was responsible. I think it's a personal, family decision that you as a parent needs to make. It sounds like you've got a great son and he'll do fine.
Posted by: Hillary | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:43 AM
I don't have a kid of age to have a cell phone, but we spent the last 10 of 11 years in Student Ministry, Middle School, specifically.
It seems that kids are getting phones younger and younger. And I think it depends on the individual as to how old is "old enough". But at some point you do have to teach responsibility and judgment. And the way to teach it is to let them have one and make some mistakes with it.
I can't count the times I had to get up during a Wednesday night service and take phones away from kids who were texting during worship or while my husband was preaching. Granted, most of them were girls. :)
Personally, I think a prepaid phone is a great option, especially with them helping pay for the minutes. But don't forget about texts! Those things can break the bank! And setting ground rules is always a good thing.
You might check into the plans where you can monitor their usage on the internet. With prepaids, I'm not sure you have access to call records, etc.
Posted by: Superchikk | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:44 AM
My son has had a cell phone since he was 10 but it was a necessity. at the time his father didn't have a phone my son could not reach me when he was visiting his father. He rarely used it.
When he hit 7th grade the bills went through the roof because of texting. Now we have unlimited texting. Honestly, his phone NEVER rings.
He knows if there are overages, he is responsible for them or we get the phone until his debt is paid...that hasn't happened since we set limits.
Posted by: Molly | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:45 AM
I teach 8th grade and from the problems I've seen I would advise all parents to stay away from camera phones for kids. Even if you have a great kid, they can also be impulsive or it can fall into their friends hand who doesn't always make the best choices.
I had a student whine because her dad makes her put her cell phone and laptop on the kitchen counter at 9pm every night. My response - there's a dad who loves his kid. Set the boundaries and make them clear.
Posted by: Julie | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:51 AM
I posted earlier about a study done in Europe but the article (linked in my blog) that was on msn is gone, so I searched it out and found it here:
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/mobile-phone-use-raises-childrens-risk-of-brain-cancer-fivefold-937005.html
And here's a quote from the article (Sept '08):
"Children and teenagers are five times more likely to get brain cancer if they use mobile phones, startling new research indicates.
The study, experts say, raises fears that today's young people may suffer an "epidemic" of the disease in later life. At least nine out of 10 British 16-year-olds have their own handset, as do more than 40 per cent of primary schoolchildren.
Yet investigating dangers to the young has been omitted from a massive £3.1m British investigation of the risks of cancer from using mobile phones, launched this year, even though the official Mobile Telecommunications and Health Research (MTHR) Programme – which is conducting it – admits that the issue is of the "highest priority".
Despite recommendations of an official report that the use of mobiles by children should be "minimised", the Government has done almost nothing to discourage it."
I also read elsewhere that many European countries are considering banning the use of cell phones in children under 16 due to this and other studies! But it will probably be a while before you hear about it in the US. Sorry...I'll get off my soapbox now!
Posted by: AprilMay | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:52 AM
My husband is almost 40 and just now got a cell phone. Only because they MADE him at work. We're still fuddy duddies.
I think it depends on the kid. There are so many options out there to protect your son. Prepaid plans, even some that have GPS tracking! (so I've heard) My main concern would be his safety, safety from who will call him, text him, etc. If you can choose something that caters to those needs, go for it.
Just be prepared for the rest of the boys to ask for one next. :>)
Posted by: Melanie | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:54 AM
My kids are too young (8 and under) to have considered this yet. My comment is to say thank you for opening this discussion up. I am so grateful for you and your blog. I seem to refer to it for wisdom on a daily basis. You are such a blessing, and I am so thankful that you are using the gifts that God has given you in a way that helps so many others!
Posted by: heidi | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 09:59 AM
As a mother of 3 (14, 9 & 6) - 14 year old daughter has had a cell since she was in 5th grade and my two youngest share a phone and have for 2 years - The interesting thing is that it just isn’t a big deal to any of them anymore. It isn’t an accessory, it isn’t a toy – it’s just a useful tool for our family. My oldest is a freshman in high school now(big change for this mama) and I get texts telling me that her Tuesday morning bible study ROCKED! And that I have to go read this great verse. I get picture messages from her showing me a cool science experiment or a great poster she made for student council. I also get to send her quick reminders that I love her and she’ll do great on her test after lunch – and she always knows that I’m on my way – and to go hang at the library for a few until I get there! My little ones turn the phone on right after school so that if I need to reach them I can – and a couple of times that has come in really, really handy! They rarely have to even use it other than turning it on, and they have always been responsible with it – never an issue.
My older daughter likes to text, but not at the expense of having a conversation but we have had to teach her that responsibility. It’s interesting because she and her dad text a lot lately. They have some funny and serious chats that way – it isn’t the only way, but it is one way that stay in touch – even when one is upstairs and the other is puttering in the garage. I have not regretted once yet that this family of 5 is a 4 cell phone household. It’s all about proper perspective and realistic guidelines and follow through.
Good Luck!
Posted by: Amy in Idaho | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 10:00 AM
I would think it depends on your children and your family. My oldest is 7 and most of the time when I think about it, I say "no, my kids don't need a cell phone. Every other kid has one and if they need to get a hold of use, us the friends'." Then I get off my soap box and think, "I might see things differently when they are older."
I survived without a cell phone growing up and I was after school for sports, etc.
I think the bottom line is that it is so important for parents to have open lines of communication with their children, be involved, know who their friends are, how they are doing in school, etc. Start young, but it's never too late to start.
I believe our relationships with our children are so important.
Posted by: Paula, Stuff 2b Organized | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 10:01 AM
First, when I click on your blog a box pops up asking for my information from blenza.com. It may be something on my computer, but wanted to let you know in case some other readers were experiencing the same thing.
Onto the comment....
About the cell phone, my husband and I direct an after school program for at-risk kids. The danger I find with cell phones is that it gives the child an excuse to not engage and to believe that they can solve problems on their own or with their friends' help rather than an adult. My first tip that something is going on in the life of the kids is lots of texting. Also, we have had problems at our center with kids making calls to parents and to other people without our knowing. Someone we don't know shows up to pick up a teenager in our program. We don't know him, but the teenager has texted for permission and we were never even aware it was happening. So the cell phone also can undermine the authority of the teacher, after school director, youth minister or whomever is the adult responsible because that child can just call and ask for themselves.
We take the kids away for a week of camp in the summer. This past year, I asked them to give me the cell phones to keep and every day after dinner I gave them a fifteen minute block to use them. By Tuesday of the week, the kids quit asking for their cell phones. I loved the atmosphere of no cell phones. As much as I love technology it can become a barrier to strong family relationships.
That being said, cell phones aren't going anywhere and I will soon have to decide whether to let my child join the trend or be different. Reading this discussion has been helpful to me. I think in my case when the time comes, I'll buy one "Go" phone to be taken when going out at night or with friends, but not to school.
Posted by: Suzie | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 10:02 AM
My oldest son didn't get a cell phone until he was away in college, and his dad provided that. However, my younger son got his cell phone at 14, almost immediately after he was diagnosed with diabetes. The SCHOOL actually recommended that I get him the cell phone because he was so unstable at first, with blood sugar surges and drops.
Both kids have limits on how much time they can use on the phone, but I don't make them pay for the monthly service since it's only $10 extra on my bill. Text messaging and internet access are not available on the younger son's phone. He's had it for nearly 5 years now and does very well abiding by the limits.
I have seen phones for younger kids that literally only have a few buttons. They can be set to whatever numbers you want the child to be able to dial, including 911.
Posted by: Melissa | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 10:02 AM
I say a cell phone is a big responsibility. I have a very responsible 10 year old and we've said no way. I think that there really should be a need for a cell phone. A friend of ours told her daughter when she could foot the bill (which was basically when she had a driver's license), she could get it. She just got it 2 months ago. So that is probably what we are waiting on too.
Just my opinion.
Posted by: Tami | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 10:07 AM
Our family rule is "no cell phone until you are driving" and then it's a basic, no internet, no texting phone.
Good luck on your decision!
Posted by: Amblin | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 10:11 AM
IF he was my son I would buy a very basic prepaid plan. I would definitely make him contribute by using some of his allowance money. I would also explain to him that he would have to keep showing me he was responsible enough to have it. That way he keeps setting the table and really, it's a win-win situation. :-)
Posted by: Lori | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 10:15 AM
hmm this is a toughie I think it depends on the kid. My dd got her cell at 14, got it removed a few times for irresponsibility...on the other hand my oldest son had no issues really...
my two youngest are too young to worry about it.
I think the prepaid and use of allowance money is a good thing.
Posted by: Mel | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 10:18 AM
We have a family extra Trac phone for any kid out at an event who may need to call home, phone is turned in when event is over. No one has asked for their own yet. But I'm thinking through the day they will.
One big thing to ponder: your own phone habits. Are you a responsible/safe phone user? Kids are always watching what we do.
I have re-trained MYSELF to pull off the road when using the phone (and I don't text, so not an issue). That's the minimum expectation for them when they are driving, kind of like wearing a seatbelt.
deb meyers
Posted by: deb meyers | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 10:22 AM
I'll be back to read the comments later this afternoon. My oldest turned 8 today, and I know she would loooooooove a cell phone the second we say yes. I'm thinking 18 is good. :)
Posted by: Marla Taviano | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 10:23 AM
We just got our oldest a Cricket phone for Christmas. It has unlimited calls and unlimited texts and he knows it will be monitered. We started out with a prepaid phone, he needed it to call home after football practice was over (DH and I both work, we have a younger son, we couldn't be at every practice. )
For us, it's needed in my view, there are no pay phones around anymore, this way I can keep tabs on him and he gets some sort of freedom with his friends. He's 12. The prepaid phone was expensive compared to Cricket, 20 dollars for an hour of service is ridicules. He goes more places without adult supervision these days. I have no fear of dropping the bar with my youngest, because he's only 7 and not allowed anywhere without an adult.
We did just get a refurbished phone, and will tell him that he can upgrade as he shows reponsibility. With Cricket I can downgrade the plan from texting if needed and will if it is abused. We have extremely strict guidelines for what he can send and I know if he gets something sent to him outside of those guidelines he will come to me. For us its the matter of paying 20 a week (or 80 a month) for a prepaid plan, or 40 a month for unlimited calls and not worrying if the minutes run out.
Posted by: Missy | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 10:31 AM
Since my daughter is only 2, I haven't had to deal with this yet. My sister, however, has. Her rule has been that when they're old enough to be left somewhere on their own, then they can have a cell phone. They start with the pre-paid phone. Her oldest has one, and the second one is begging, but not yet.
Posted by: Magi | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 10:41 AM
Both of our girls have them (ages 11 &13), but we do not have a home phone. My oldest got hers just before she turned 12. It was a prepaid and she used her allowance to pay for her minutes. She got a new one last year and I put her on our plan but she still pays for it out of her allowance. She learned 2 big lessons with it to. One, you have to check your pockets before you do your laundry...cause they don't wash well! She ruined her new phone and now has my old one and will for quite some time. Second, when you pay for 200 texts a month and use 1500, your bill is quite high. She has had to use all of her allowance and babysitting money for a month to pay that off. She now pays for the plan that gives her 1500 texts a month. It is also great leverage for keeping grades up...bad grades=no phone/texting...great incentive!
The younger one has the older ones old prepaid and so far we still pay for hers, but when she turns 12, that will change too. She does not use it other than when she is at basketball practice or home by herself for a short period of time.
Posted by: Kim | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 10:42 AM
Oh and I forgot, the older one lost her first one less than a month after she got it. She had to save up for a new one (she lost it right before her birthday)...so that was another "natural concequences" lesson learned.
Posted by: Kim | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 10:45 AM
My answer won't be popular. My kids are 26 and 21. Our son got his cell phone when he graduated from high school and went to college so we could keep in touch with him at school. The rule was going to be the same for the daughter, but her grandfather stepped in and let her "borrow" his when she started driving. We were okay with that because she's a girl and girls, face it, are bigger targets - that is, girls out alone. I have two nephews who are 10 and 9 and they each have cell phones and I think its ridiculous. We all want out kids to have what they want, within reason, but to learn values. Sometimes those two things just do not go hand in hand. Sometimes you learn to value something more if you have to work harder or wait longer to obtain it. But then, I spanked my kids when they were bad, too. And as evidence that isn't harmful, they both have college degrees, played college sports, volunteer in praise & worship in their respective churches and local school activities. They both have told me and their dad that they can tell when they are around friends who had different types of discipline from them - they expect to get whatever they want, and have difficulty in the work force hearing criticism from supervisors and such. I constistently have people in our community stop me and compliment me on how good my kids are. I'm quick to say the Good Lord gets the credit for that - I just tried to guide them. I'm off chasing a rabbit, but I think 18 minimum age for a kid and a cell phone. Too easy to text-while-driving, cheat on tests, run up astronomical bills, and have excuses for staying away from home 'cause they can call rather than come home when they are supposed to. They are too attached to them - text all the time, the grown ups are getting more and more lax with restrictions. There's a law in Alabama against having them in school and the schools just turn their heads now. They are foregoing discipline for convenience. That being said, I love the security of a cell phone if you're travelling. We would loan our son our one family cell phone (at the time) when he went on a date or trip out of town, in case he had car trouble. Hopefully as a result of all that, we never had trouble with him running up bills. He was always careful of how he used it.
Posted by: Kelly | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 10:51 AM
You know they could buy candy and junk or cell minutes. It could be good.
Posted by: angela | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 10:56 AM
I just don't know. 12 seems so young. I mean you see all these kids out there with their cell phones so detached from the people they are actually with because they are so busy texting someone else. I'm not sure I'd even want to go there with my kids yet. I feel like our kids feel so entitled to everything just because someone in their class has one. Plus, a cell phone is a lot easier to abuse than something like an iPod.
At this point (and maybe I will change my mind when my 9 yr old is a bit older) I feel like a cell phone should only be given if your child has the means to pay for any charges they incur. So for us, that would mean she can't have one until she has a way of paying for the extra $10 that we would have to add to my cell phone bill each month. As well as anything above that if she abuses it. Considering she the only money she makes right now is her allowance, she wouldn't be able to manage that. It would be like having car privileges - they'd have to pay for the gas they use and any repairs if they were in an accident where they were driving carelessly/recklessly.
Posted by: Andrea Mitchell | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 11:01 AM
My eight year old thinks he needs a cell phone. Not going to happen but he lets me know that he needs one. Regularly. My ten and eleven year old wouldn't mind having one either, but don't put on a show about it as much as my youngest.
I did take advantage of a situation that happened here to show them they they're really not old enough to have a phone. Our neighbor let her ten year old have a cell phone (at nine) because her teenage brother had one. The kid spent two days in the rain looking for it a few weeks back when it fell out of her pocket into another neighbors yard. Oops!
Mine will learn the responsiblity later. When they learn to take care of the things they have now.
Posted by: ShortyMom | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 11:10 AM
My grandson has one....no voice mail...that way other kids can't "fill-it up" with lots of stuff. LIMITED TEXT...because they get to
their limit really quickly. It has come in handy when he was at a sleep over and wanted to come home...he went in the bathroom and called mom....he was at football practice and a storm was coming...
not 10 minutes after being dropped off...his has called ID and he only answers if he know who it is
Posted by: Pam | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 11:14 AM
We got my older son a cell phone when he was 14 or almost, I can't remember exactly when. He's 18 now! He was sooooo behind the times! lol! I got him a basic phone, with NO texting capabilities! Unheard of in these times! When he was 16 I gave him "limited" texting....and made him pay for it!! Now that he is 18 he has "unlimited texting" and pays for it. I pay the initial plan part of the bill, he pays texting and overages. I also still have access to his phone account, so I can monitor who he is talking to and when, like when he is in school. He's trying to change that by getting his own account, but he can't get credit! to open the account!!
Posted by: Ann G | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 11:28 AM
I have a 10 year old with a firefly phone, and we love it. He can only call the numbers we program in. Parents have a pin number so they can change things and monitor it. Go to firefly.com. They don't make the original one anymore, I think..but they have the new models there.
Posted by: Steffiej | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 11:41 AM
I'll make this snappy as it appears people have long-winded opinions on children and cell-phone use. You parent differently than I do and my children aren't yet old enough to be asking for cell phones, but I'll share my philosophy. My parents felt the best way to teach me responsibility was to let me have the responsibility. In other words, if I couldn't pay for it I couldn't have it. I didn't have a cell phone until I was married and pregnant with my first child. I was very careful not to over use it because I was paying for it. My kids will not get cell phones until they can pay for them.
Posted by: Rachel | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 11:49 AM
I'm going to agree that it depends on the child as far as age. Some kids are just ready for things earlier. That said, it is still one of the strangest sites to me when all the older elementary/middle schoolers get off the bus in front of my house and are on their cell phones as they walk the rest of the way home. Who are they talking to???
Posted by: Sarah at themommylogues | Tuesday, December 02, 2008 at 11:56 AM