One Day At a Time

This post was originally published on July 16, 2008.

Every now and then, motherhood serves you up one of those days.  The days that beat you to a pulp--before breakfast.  The days that make you wonder if you should be saving for college....or reform school.

I'm kidding.

Sort of.

It was just a really hard week last week.  And I crawled into the weekend, my heart bruised and my spirit a little bloodied.  It wasn't pretty.  I wept, and I doubted, and I was mad at my little Offender who, so help me, still makes my heart sing with his crooked smile.  I lay in my bed and cried, and I begged God for something--anything--to redeem this ugly day we'd had. 

I looked over at my laptop.  My sweet friend Robin had sent me this passage:

1 To you I call, O LORD my Rock;
       do not turn a deaf ear to me.
       For if you remain silent,
       I will be like those who have gone down to the pit.

2 Hear my cry for mercy
       as I call to you for help,
       as I lift up my hands
       toward your Most Holy Place.

4 Repay them for their deeds
       and for their evil work;
       repay them for what their hands have done
       and bring back upon them what they deserve.

6 Praise be to the LORD,
       for he has heard my cry for mercy.

7 The LORD is my strength and my shield;
       my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
       My heart leaps for joy
       and I will give thanks to him in song.

9 Save your people and bless your inheritance;
       be their shepherd and carry them forever.

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped."  These are just the words of peace I needed to hear.

Also? "Repay them for what their hands have done and bring back upon them what they deserve."  If I'm not mistaken, I think that's a Biblical way to say, "I HOPE YOU HAVE A CHILD JUST LIKE YOU SOMEDAY." 

Oh, yes. I'm defininitely feeling better now. 

I'm thinking these thoughts, laughing through my tears, when The Offender comes into my room and hops up in my bed.  He can't sleep.  He tells me what's on his mind, and I listen.  And at one point in our conversation I tell him, "you know, you just can't always trust girls.  Believe me.  I used to be one."

Used to be?

The joke hung in the air for just a minute until it washed over us both.  We laughed together, and he leaned in to nudge me with his shoulder.  I placed my hand on the top of his head.  The rumbles of laughter silenced, and we sat there together, a cheeky pre-teen boy and his over-wrought mother.  It was a good silence, the kind that patches up the holes we'd left in each other's hearts that day.

Thank God for the sweet mercy of taking things one day at a time.

I'm kidding.

Sort of.

It was just a really hard week last week.  And I crawled into the weekend, my heart bruised and my spirit a little bloodied.  It wasn't pretty.  I wept, and I doubted, and I was mad at my little Offender who, so help me, still makes my heart sing with his crooked smile.  I lay in my bed and cried, and I begged God for something--anything--to redeem this ugly day we'd had. 

I looked over at my laptop.  My sweet friend Robin had sent me this passage:

1 To you I call, O LORD my Rock;
       do not turn a deaf ear to me.
       For if you remain silent,
       I will be like those who have gone down to the pit.

2 Hear my cry for mercy
       as I call to you for help,
       as I lift up my hands
       toward your Most Holy Place.

4 Repay them for their deeds
       and for their evil work;
       repay them for what their hands have done
       and bring back upon them what they deserve.

6 Praise be to the LORD,
       for he has heard my cry for mercy.

7 The LORD is my strength and my shield;
       my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
       My heart leaps for joy
       and I will give thanks to him in song.

9 Save your people and bless your inheritance;
       be their shepherd and carry them forever.

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped."  These are just the words of peace I needed to hear.

Also? "Repay them for what their hands have done and bring back upon them what they deserve."  If I'm not mistaken, I think that's a Biblical way to say, "I HOPE YOU HAVE A CHILD JUST LIKE YOU SOMEDAY." 

Oh, yes. I'm defininitely feeling better now. 

I'm thinking these thoughts, laughing through my tears, when The Offender comes into my room and hops up in my bed.  He can't sleep.  He tells me what's on his mind, and I listen.  And at one point in our conversation I tell him, "you know, you just can't always trust girls.  Believe me.  I used to be one."

Used to be?

The joke hung in the air for just a minute until it washed over us both.  We laughed together, and he leaned in to nudge me with his shoulder.  I placed my hand on the top of his head.  The rumbles of laughter silenced, and we sat there together, a cheeky pre-teen boy and his over-wrought mother.  It was a good silence, the kind that patches up the holes we'd left in each other's hearts that day.

Thank God for the sweet mercy of taking things one day at a time.

Comments

[sunny]

Thank you for sharing that.

[Leah Weiss Caruso]

that's a really beautiful post. thank you.

[Colleen from MN]

Amen - I think it's that time of the summer for lots of us moms. Thank you for sharing so eloquently!

[Amy]

Thank-you.

[Melanie Smalling]

If I recall, the original posting of this was on a day when I REALLY needed to hear it! And again, yesterday was a DOOZY and this was just what I needed to hear...or maybe it's just that on most any given day I need desperately to hear this!!! Thanks for the encouragement.

[Holly Hamann]

What a great post. As the mom of three early teen boys, I find their natural process of growing up has left me with a wake of heartache days just like the one you describe. Thanks for sharing that.

[Paula @ Organizing Tips 4 Moms]

Thank you for this post. I needed to hear this. I also had a rocky morning with my children. And, I have realized that I could have handled it better. I could have given it to God. Of course it's never too late to do that. :) Tomorrow is another new day. Thanks so much.

[Cara]

I needed this today...thank you! I was just sitting hear with tears running down my own cheeks thinking that I am not near the mother I want to be and I seem to blow it all the time. I'm also longing for my sweet boy who seemed to disappear just as fast as he turned two a few weeks ago. I need God's mercies and I'm glad to know they are new every morning.

[Kathy C.]

I love that passage and I too needed to read it once again...thank you for sharing it.
I remember those days of raising a pre-teen (hormonal) son, and I can feel you pain and struggles.
Blessings!

[Kathryn @ Expectant Hearts]

Oh, I have a "little Offender" too.. Im embarrassed to admit that it took me awhile to appreciate him but once I got there, oh, HE is the child that makes my heart sing!

Thanks for sharing!

[Angela V L]

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

[genny]

Shannon,

You write beautifully and always seem to capture the heart of mommy-hood. I so needed to read this. I've been in mommy-crack-down mode lately, trying to get a hold on the general summer wildness going on around my house (lol). Discipline can be tough!

Thanks for this,
Genny

[Brenda]

God knew you would have weeks like that and had that passage prepared just for that time. Knowing that comforts me. I love stories of God at work in peoples lives.

[rrmama]

I so needed to see this today! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Marie]

I really like you. I always come here and get a good giggle and a little boost, which was very much needed today. Thank you!!

[Brenda McDonell]

Oh my. I have been there--too many times. Being a mom can be so heartbreaking. It is wonderful that you got resolution so quickly. Sometimes we have to wait and wait and wait. God is good--our refuge and strength.

[Dawn Marie]

You are at a tough age. I just can't WAIT for my THREE girls to be seriously hormonal! (note sarcasm) Thanks for that!

http://walkaschildren.blogspot.com/

[missy @ it's almost naptime]

I don't know why it makes me feel better that your kids are sometimes so hideously awful that they make you cry too, but it does. And God swoops in on me as well.

Love ya.

[Shannon]

Oh girl, if you ONLY knew.  ;)

[oh amanda]

Thanks for sharing this one. I've had a week of holes in my heart by my little offender...and since she's only 3 this is the firs time it's happened. I didn't know it would hurt so much to discover my little girl is in fact...a sinner!

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.